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My husband passed from Covid, complications ensue. Help...
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<blockquote data-quote="Copabanana" data-source="post: 759415" data-attributes="member: 18958"><p>Dear Tish</p><p></p><p>I am so very sorry that your husband has passed. Please accept my heartfelt condolences and my prayers.</p><p></p><p>I don't think it points to anything wrong about you that you would not want another loss. Especially right now.</p><p></p><p>I have had nearly the exact same situation with my son who alternately either minimizes or denies there is a virus. He could not care less if he exposes me, takes no precautions, and doesn't respect my space. What I am telling you is that I get it.</p><p></p><p>Our sons are mentally ill. If I was smart I wouldn't get into it with him, but at bottom, I would want him to care about me, and to care whether I live or die. And thus I can't easily let this go.</p><p></p><p>I don't think this is about you or even about your son. I think it's about facts. Both you and your son have experienced a horrendous loss. The situation is volatile and emotions are volatile. But facts are facts.</p><p></p><p>1. You need to be alone in the house. You need your space to grieve. You need to be protected and to act to protect yourself.</p><p>2. The deal was never that your son return to live, on a permanent basis.</p><p>3. Your son is an adult with options and choices. If he chooses to not get antibody test and if he chooses to not get a vaccine, there are natural consequences to this. This is not personal. It means he's not safe to be around.</p><p>4. He may think you're irrational and overreacting. That is his right. He has no business telling you. He can keep it private. In no way does it have any bearing on what you do and who you are. Ignore him. It's meaningless noise.</p><p>5. He will not disappear. He needs and loves you. You need and love him.</p><p>6. But this virus is a reality and you need to be protected. The person who will protect you is you.</p><p>7. I would wait until Saturday or until when you have the support and backup of your other son. I would not engage in more conversation with older son about this topic. Between now and then I would think about when you would want him to leave, the exact date. You love him and want him to return for the regular visits and you need him more now than ever. But to come home he needs an antibody test or vaccine. End of story.</p><p>8. There is no other way to see this, unless you would prefer that he stay and live with you, and that you both isolate together. That is your choice, as I see it. He stays, and you accept how he is. His domination of the space and domination of you. Or, he goes and to return he must be vaccinated or get an antibody test.</p><p>9. I think I am seeing this with compassion and neutrality. I have no axe to grind with your son.</p><p>10. I am so very sorry Tish.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Copabanana, post: 759415, member: 18958"] Dear Tish I am so very sorry that your husband has passed. Please accept my heartfelt condolences and my prayers. I don't think it points to anything wrong about you that you would not want another loss. Especially right now. I have had nearly the exact same situation with my son who alternately either minimizes or denies there is a virus. He could not care less if he exposes me, takes no precautions, and doesn't respect my space. What I am telling you is that I get it. Our sons are mentally ill. If I was smart I wouldn't get into it with him, but at bottom, I would want him to care about me, and to care whether I live or die. And thus I can't easily let this go. I don't think this is about you or even about your son. I think it's about facts. Both you and your son have experienced a horrendous loss. The situation is volatile and emotions are volatile. But facts are facts. 1. You need to be alone in the house. You need your space to grieve. You need to be protected and to act to protect yourself. 2. The deal was never that your son return to live, on a permanent basis. 3. Your son is an adult with options and choices. If he chooses to not get antibody test and if he chooses to not get a vaccine, there are natural consequences to this. This is not personal. It means he's not safe to be around. 4. He may think you're irrational and overreacting. That is his right. He has no business telling you. He can keep it private. In no way does it have any bearing on what you do and who you are. Ignore him. It's meaningless noise. 5. He will not disappear. He needs and loves you. You need and love him. 6. But this virus is a reality and you need to be protected. The person who will protect you is you. 7. I would wait until Saturday or until when you have the support and backup of your other son. I would not engage in more conversation with older son about this topic. Between now and then I would think about when you would want him to leave, the exact date. You love him and want him to return for the regular visits and you need him more now than ever. But to come home he needs an antibody test or vaccine. End of story. 8. There is no other way to see this, unless you would prefer that he stay and live with you, and that you both isolate together. That is your choice, as I see it. He stays, and you accept how he is. His domination of the space and domination of you. Or, he goes and to return he must be vaccinated or get an antibody test. 9. I think I am seeing this with compassion and neutrality. I have no axe to grind with your son. 10. I am so very sorry Tish. [/QUOTE]
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