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My neighbors have a difficult child
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<blockquote data-quote="slsh" data-source="post: 476774" data-attributes="member: 8"><p>I have to say, I still cringe when I think about what our neighbors must've heard when thank you was 6. I had a school who was useless and somehow expected me to "make" my child be obedient during school hours - which would've been quite the feat since I couldn't get him to be obedient at any other time of the day. I had a therapist who was totally focused on the "adjustment" thank you was having to make to having an older brother with- a disability (what a bunch of bologna - Boo's had CP since long before thank you was born), and wasn't giving us any ideas on how to deal with- behaviors besides another $*&&# behavior chart. And I had a difficult child who was setting fires, breaking windows, defiant beyond defiant over every little thing, from going to bed, brushing teeth, eating, pooping - you name it. I was completely unprepared, had no support, had no clue. So I yelled - probably daily and very loudly. Nothing you've heard would've been unusual to hear in my house, klmno.</p><p></p><p>Not the best strategy but ... learning how to deal with- difficult children is a process (life-long?). Age 6 was when I was ready to leave difficult child and husband because... nothing was working, no one was *hearing* what we were saying, we were getting pats on the backs alternating with- threats if we didn't comply with- their utterly brilliant "treatment plans", behavior charts, parenting classes, and a lot of blame for having an out of control child. Did my parenting contribute to the nightmare that was going on at ages 5 and 6? You better believe it. Was it the sole cause? Nope. Could I have handled it better? Absolutely. Dr. Spock doesn't have a chapter on difficult children. Until/unless parents get meaningful support, coping strategies for themselves, and real-life strategies for dealing with- their kids' behaviors, some of us mere mortals are left with- nothing but yelling. </p><p></p><p>The 2 things that really helped were his first admission at age 6, when *finally* we got not only some validation that we were not the sole problem but also started on the rocky roads of therapy/medications/psychiatrists/sped. The other was finding this site when he was 7. To find a community of people who got him, got me, understood, didn't judge, and had practical suggestions.... It was such a blessing. The support on this board was the single best thing that could have ever happened for me and for difficult child and for my whole family.</p><p></p><p>I feel nothing but compassion for these parents, and hope that, having already had their child identified as special needs, they will soon find someone who is able to help them along the path.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="slsh, post: 476774, member: 8"] I have to say, I still cringe when I think about what our neighbors must've heard when thank you was 6. I had a school who was useless and somehow expected me to "make" my child be obedient during school hours - which would've been quite the feat since I couldn't get him to be obedient at any other time of the day. I had a therapist who was totally focused on the "adjustment" thank you was having to make to having an older brother with- a disability (what a bunch of bologna - Boo's had CP since long before thank you was born), and wasn't giving us any ideas on how to deal with- behaviors besides another $*&&# behavior chart. And I had a difficult child who was setting fires, breaking windows, defiant beyond defiant over every little thing, from going to bed, brushing teeth, eating, pooping - you name it. I was completely unprepared, had no support, had no clue. So I yelled - probably daily and very loudly. Nothing you've heard would've been unusual to hear in my house, klmno. Not the best strategy but ... learning how to deal with- difficult children is a process (life-long?). Age 6 was when I was ready to leave difficult child and husband because... nothing was working, no one was *hearing* what we were saying, we were getting pats on the backs alternating with- threats if we didn't comply with- their utterly brilliant "treatment plans", behavior charts, parenting classes, and a lot of blame for having an out of control child. Did my parenting contribute to the nightmare that was going on at ages 5 and 6? You better believe it. Was it the sole cause? Nope. Could I have handled it better? Absolutely. Dr. Spock doesn't have a chapter on difficult children. Until/unless parents get meaningful support, coping strategies for themselves, and real-life strategies for dealing with- their kids' behaviors, some of us mere mortals are left with- nothing but yelling. The 2 things that really helped were his first admission at age 6, when *finally* we got not only some validation that we were not the sole problem but also started on the rocky roads of therapy/medications/psychiatrists/sped. The other was finding this site when he was 7. To find a community of people who got him, got me, understood, didn't judge, and had practical suggestions.... It was such a blessing. The support on this board was the single best thing that could have ever happened for me and for difficult child and for my whole family. I feel nothing but compassion for these parents, and hope that, having already had their child identified as special needs, they will soon find someone who is able to help them along the path. [/QUOTE]
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