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My relationship with my daughter is slipping away
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<blockquote data-quote="Copabanana" data-source="post: 734243" data-attributes="member: 18958"><p>Welcome.</p><p></p><p>I understand and feel the pain of this. I would be very hurt if it was me, and feel angry too. What daughter said to you is hurtful. Not talking to you is immature. That said, feelings will not help you. Actions and thinking will.</p><p></p><p>We have to help ourselves.</p><p></p><p>You have defined your reason for staying as your granddaughter. That is important. You are making a choice. Honor it. If it gets too painful you can change your mind.</p><p></p><p>Who owns the house? Are you paying a fair share? I ask because sometimes if we look, there is a pattern in relationships, that we have accepted, that constitutes mistreatment. It is important to acknowledge this, if it exists. Or maybe there is resentment on your daughter's part.</p><p></p><p>And there is the reality that she is in a new marriage. And wanting to make it work. It is entirely reasonable to me that her priority is that. Her intention may not be to hurt you, but to devote herself to her new family for now. You have the opportunity to see that, and to give her space. That would be generous. And it could be strategic too.</p><p></p><p>I would try very hard to not dwell on daughter. Accept her terms. Seek to involve yourself with other people and activities. I am not saying this is fair or just. But she is an adult as you are. She can make the rules for herself.</p><p></p><p>The only adult we have control over is us.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Copabanana, post: 734243, member: 18958"] Welcome. I understand and feel the pain of this. I would be very hurt if it was me, and feel angry too. What daughter said to you is hurtful. Not talking to you is immature. That said, feelings will not help you. Actions and thinking will. We have to help ourselves. You have defined your reason for staying as your granddaughter. That is important. You are making a choice. Honor it. If it gets too painful you can change your mind. Who owns the house? Are you paying a fair share? I ask because sometimes if we look, there is a pattern in relationships, that we have accepted, that constitutes mistreatment. It is important to acknowledge this, if it exists. Or maybe there is resentment on your daughter's part. And there is the reality that she is in a new marriage. And wanting to make it work. It is entirely reasonable to me that her priority is that. Her intention may not be to hurt you, but to devote herself to her new family for now. You have the opportunity to see that, and to give her space. That would be generous. And it could be strategic too. I would try very hard to not dwell on daughter. Accept her terms. Seek to involve yourself with other people and activities. I am not saying this is fair or just. But she is an adult as you are. She can make the rules for herself. The only adult we have control over is us. [/QUOTE]
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My relationship with my daughter is slipping away
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