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My son is a high functioning Aspie as well as my husband and me. He is 21
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<blockquote data-quote="susiestar" data-source="post: 727874" data-attributes="member: 1233"><p>Has your HUSBAND ever gotten into his face and told your son that he is not allowed to continue to stay in HIS (your husband's) home if he EVER speaks to or treats HIS WIFE like that again? Sometimes it takes another male saying this, and meaning it, to stop the aggression. Or something very similar. Maybe not move out, but something very similar and drastic. I believe my father told my oldest he would no longer have internet access for anything other than homework and he would have to be able to show a written or printed homework assignment to get it for that. My son lived with my parents because he couldn't be safe while living with his sister and I. Then he was so mad at me about it that he kept getting really ugly with me, even trying to get physical with me. He forgot that his Grandpa was my Daddy first. My Daddy always thought that males who hit or intimidated women were lower than a snake's belly.</p><p></p><p>You need to find your son's currency, that thing that matters to him. Then you need to start making his aggression, and lack of aggression, create a cost/benefit ratio. It will either cost him too much of whatever to be aggressive to you, or it will pay off with extra of whatever to be nice to you. </p><p></p><p>Sadly, sometimes they just have to be away from you and have someone else deal with whatever the hot button issues are. Now my son cannot figure out why he was so aggressive and stupid, but he admits that he was. He has had enough time away from us to realize what he was like and to not even be able to explain it to himself. </p><p></p><p>Oh, if he is sick or hurting, I have had great luck with having my son put the tip of one finger where it feels the worst. Then I have him give me one adjective (describing word) to tell me how it hurts: tingle stab burn ache sharp hot are some of the words I will offer if my son cannot think of words. If he says he is sick but cannot tell me how he is scik, I tell him to put the tip of one finger on the body part that feel sickest. Then I ask him to give me words to describe how it feels sick. If it is his stomach, I might say that it feels like he needs to burp, vomit, like it is cramping, like he needs to eat but he has already eaten, etc.... It can be a bit difficult to get him to go along with me at first, but it does work if you can offer ways to help if they can tell you what hurts and how it hurts. Usually if my kids won't help at that point, they are told to go and be miserable and to be reasonably quiet about it because I tried to help and they didn't want the only help I could offer. It takes them about ten minutes (if that) to come in and say "Mom, I'm sorry. It hurts here. It feels like....." But I have done this since they were pretty small so they know I only have sympathy for those that help themselves. I hate saying to go and be miserable and quiet, but I cannot help them if they won't give me any information. I don't speak grunt and moan.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="susiestar, post: 727874, member: 1233"] Has your HUSBAND ever gotten into his face and told your son that he is not allowed to continue to stay in HIS (your husband's) home if he EVER speaks to or treats HIS WIFE like that again? Sometimes it takes another male saying this, and meaning it, to stop the aggression. Or something very similar. Maybe not move out, but something very similar and drastic. I believe my father told my oldest he would no longer have internet access for anything other than homework and he would have to be able to show a written or printed homework assignment to get it for that. My son lived with my parents because he couldn't be safe while living with his sister and I. Then he was so mad at me about it that he kept getting really ugly with me, even trying to get physical with me. He forgot that his Grandpa was my Daddy first. My Daddy always thought that males who hit or intimidated women were lower than a snake's belly. You need to find your son's currency, that thing that matters to him. Then you need to start making his aggression, and lack of aggression, create a cost/benefit ratio. It will either cost him too much of whatever to be aggressive to you, or it will pay off with extra of whatever to be nice to you. Sadly, sometimes they just have to be away from you and have someone else deal with whatever the hot button issues are. Now my son cannot figure out why he was so aggressive and stupid, but he admits that he was. He has had enough time away from us to realize what he was like and to not even be able to explain it to himself. Oh, if he is sick or hurting, I have had great luck with having my son put the tip of one finger where it feels the worst. Then I have him give me one adjective (describing word) to tell me how it hurts: tingle stab burn ache sharp hot are some of the words I will offer if my son cannot think of words. If he says he is sick but cannot tell me how he is scik, I tell him to put the tip of one finger on the body part that feel sickest. Then I ask him to give me words to describe how it feels sick. If it is his stomach, I might say that it feels like he needs to burp, vomit, like it is cramping, like he needs to eat but he has already eaten, etc.... It can be a bit difficult to get him to go along with me at first, but it does work if you can offer ways to help if they can tell you what hurts and how it hurts. Usually if my kids won't help at that point, they are told to go and be miserable and to be reasonably quiet about it because I tried to help and they didn't want the only help I could offer. It takes them about ten minutes (if that) to come in and say "Mom, I'm sorry. It hurts here. It feels like....." But I have done this since they were pretty small so they know I only have sympathy for those that help themselves. I hate saying to go and be miserable and quiet, but I cannot help them if they won't give me any information. I don't speak grunt and moan. [/QUOTE]
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My son is a high functioning Aspie as well as my husband and me. He is 21
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