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My son is about to be homeless...again
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<blockquote data-quote="BusynMember" data-source="post: 640043" data-attributes="member: 1550"><p>Hi there. I wanted to add my sadness at what you are going through. Honestly, I have learned it's best not to say too much. When my son asks for things, I am short and sweet: "I offer you my love and emotional support. You are a smart, capable man (I always make sure I use the word man) and a survivor and I'm sure you can figure it out without me." If he persists, I repeat, rinse, repeat. "You are a smart man. I know you can do it. I am not able to help you financially, but I will always love you." He will probably get angry, cuss and hang up, but in the end you are teaching him to take care of his own needs and be an adult. Whether he learns your lessons is totally up to him. You did your job. You taught him to be a good person and how to succeed and he chose to ignore what he knows.</p><p></p><p>These adult kids tend to be very good at two things:</p><p></p><p>1/Twisting arguments until we are so dizzy we give in</p><p>2/ Blaming us for their own bad choices and again making us feel so guilty that we give in.</p><p></p><p>I don't give any advice. It's not like they don't know what we are telling them or that they do what we suggest. So I don't waste time with that.</p><p></p><p>Do they ever call to ask us, "Mom, I am worried about you. How are you doing? You need anything from me, even just emotional support or love?" They tend to surface mostly when they want something from us...usually money, often for illegal stuff, like drugs, although they will claim they haven't eaten for a month.</p><p></p><p>"Give them roots to grow and wings to fly." The way they fly is their own path. I, like you, don't have enough money to even consider helping any of my grown children out financially so that particular question never gets asked of me. I'm glad. I find it offensive of our difficult children to expect financial help for their bad habits and for living in ways we don't approve of. Do your own thing...it is none of our business how our grown children decide to live...but don't expect me to fund you when your bad decisions (in my opinion) fail.</p><p></p><p>by the way, my brother has Crohns. Got it at twelve and was very, very, very sick many times. I'm sorry he has that going on. It would be so much better if your son would take good care of himself but, of course, you can't force him to do that...</p><p></p><p>Hugs for your hurting heart.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="BusynMember, post: 640043, member: 1550"] Hi there. I wanted to add my sadness at what you are going through. Honestly, I have learned it's best not to say too much. When my son asks for things, I am short and sweet: "I offer you my love and emotional support. You are a smart, capable man (I always make sure I use the word man) and a survivor and I'm sure you can figure it out without me." If he persists, I repeat, rinse, repeat. "You are a smart man. I know you can do it. I am not able to help you financially, but I will always love you." He will probably get angry, cuss and hang up, but in the end you are teaching him to take care of his own needs and be an adult. Whether he learns your lessons is totally up to him. You did your job. You taught him to be a good person and how to succeed and he chose to ignore what he knows. These adult kids tend to be very good at two things: 1/Twisting arguments until we are so dizzy we give in 2/ Blaming us for their own bad choices and again making us feel so guilty that we give in. I don't give any advice. It's not like they don't know what we are telling them or that they do what we suggest. So I don't waste time with that. Do they ever call to ask us, "Mom, I am worried about you. How are you doing? You need anything from me, even just emotional support or love?" They tend to surface mostly when they want something from us...usually money, often for illegal stuff, like drugs, although they will claim they haven't eaten for a month. "Give them roots to grow and wings to fly." The way they fly is their own path. I, like you, don't have enough money to even consider helping any of my grown children out financially so that particular question never gets asked of me. I'm glad. I find it offensive of our difficult children to expect financial help for their bad habits and for living in ways we don't approve of. Do your own thing...it is none of our business how our grown children decide to live...but don't expect me to fund you when your bad decisions (in my opinion) fail. by the way, my brother has Crohns. Got it at twelve and was very, very, very sick many times. I'm sorry he has that going on. It would be so much better if your son would take good care of himself but, of course, you can't force him to do that... Hugs for your hurting heart. [/QUOTE]
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My son is about to be homeless...again
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