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My Son is dead to me........
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<blockquote data-quote="scent of cedar" data-source="post: 65087" data-attributes="member: 1721"><p>I'm so sorry this is happening to you.</p><p></p><p>I know it doesn't feel like it right now, but you WILL recover.</p><p></p><p>Whoever your son is now, and whatever the reason for the change in him, he is not the boy you raised.</p><p></p><p>Not anymore.</p><p></p><p>In some weird way, thinking like that comforts me.</p><p></p><p>I can, and do, love the son I raised. I remember the way he dressed, the way he walked, his sense of humor and the promise he showed. It makes me happy, to think of him in those old times.</p><p></p><p>But that son is gone.</p><p></p><p>I have no clue how to relate to the person who looks a little like my son did ~ and who calls me (and husband) by our first names.</p><p></p><p>(Generally, while he is demanding money. :faint: ) </p><p></p><p>So many of us have been right where you are, now.</p><p></p><p>You will make it through this, you will be happy again, you will come to some understanding about how to fit the pieces together and go forward. </p><p></p><p>It takes such a long time.</p><p></p><p>It took me a good year to even realize I was so depressed that I was hardly functional. Reviewing the situation compulsively, grieving over the one missing at dinners and holidays ~ all that stuff seemed normal to me.</p><p></p><p>So, you have a far way to go, but you will get there.</p><p></p><p>The Serenity Prayer helps. When Suz gave it to me, she told me to read it until I got it. I encourage you to do the same.</p><p></p><p>It does work.</p><p></p><p>Here you go. :smile:</p><p></p><p>GOD GRANT ME THE SERENITY TO ACCEPT THE THINGS I CANNOT CHANGE</p><p>THE COURAGE TO CHANGE THE THINGS I CAN</p><p>AND THE WISDOM TO KNOW THE DIFFERENCE</p><p></p><p>At the bottoms of my posts, there is a link to the Detachment site. I used to have to banish myself there all the time, just to get through the hours of the days.</p><p></p><p>I believe myself to have (along with so many of the parents who come here) a form of post-traumatic stress syndrome where my son is concerned.</p><p></p><p>We all have sustained such a loss, but for us, there is no appropriate place to grieve. Parents who have not lost a child in this way could never understand ~ anymore than I could, before it happened to me.</p><p></p><p>Please try to put your marriage back together one more time.</p><p></p><p>We did, and it worked.</p><p></p><p>We hated one another for a long time first, though! :rofl: :blush: </p><p></p><p>Know that we all wish you well. Posting about everything as you go through it will help so much.</p><p></p><p>Again, I am so sorry this is happening to you and to your family.</p><p></p><p>Barbara</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="scent of cedar, post: 65087, member: 1721"] I'm so sorry this is happening to you. I know it doesn't feel like it right now, but you WILL recover. Whoever your son is now, and whatever the reason for the change in him, he is not the boy you raised. Not anymore. In some weird way, thinking like that comforts me. I can, and do, love the son I raised. I remember the way he dressed, the way he walked, his sense of humor and the promise he showed. It makes me happy, to think of him in those old times. But that son is gone. I have no clue how to relate to the person who looks a little like my son did ~ and who calls me (and husband) by our first names. (Generally, while he is demanding money. [img]:faint:[/img] ) So many of us have been right where you are, now. You will make it through this, you will be happy again, you will come to some understanding about how to fit the pieces together and go forward. It takes such a long time. It took me a good year to even realize I was so depressed that I was hardly functional. Reviewing the situation compulsively, grieving over the one missing at dinners and holidays ~ all that stuff seemed normal to me. So, you have a far way to go, but you will get there. The Serenity Prayer helps. When Suz gave it to me, she told me to read it until I got it. I encourage you to do the same. It does work. Here you go. [img]:smile:[/img] GOD GRANT ME THE SERENITY TO ACCEPT THE THINGS I CANNOT CHANGE THE COURAGE TO CHANGE THE THINGS I CAN AND THE WISDOM TO KNOW THE DIFFERENCE At the bottoms of my posts, there is a link to the Detachment site. I used to have to banish myself there all the time, just to get through the hours of the days. I believe myself to have (along with so many of the parents who come here) a form of post-traumatic stress syndrome where my son is concerned. We all have sustained such a loss, but for us, there is no appropriate place to grieve. Parents who have not lost a child in this way could never understand ~ anymore than I could, before it happened to me. Please try to put your marriage back together one more time. We did, and it worked. We hated one another for a long time first, though! [img]:rofl:[/img] [img]:blush:[/img] Know that we all wish you well. Posting about everything as you go through it will help so much. Again, I am so sorry this is happening to you and to your family. Barbara [/QUOTE]
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