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Substance Abuse
My son is doing drugs in college, he doesn't know that I know.
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<blockquote data-quote="BusynMember" data-source="post: 588906" data-attributes="member: 1550"><p>Hi there and welcome.</p><p></p><p>Did he ever use drugs before he went away to college? Although some posters, who are my dear friends on this site, disagree with me, I think that living away from home at college definitely encourages kids, who are still pretty young and are surrounded by nothing but their peers, to try things they wouldn't have done before. Or maybe ever. This weekend my daughter, who is almost seventeen and very straight, went to visit a friend at college with a few of her very straight arrow friends. She was visiting a straight arrow kid too. It was in Oshkosh WI. She came home and said her friend doesn't really like Oshkosh because "there is nothing to do here unless you party." She doesn't. There IS a small group s he hangs with who don't party, but a college dorm is a college dorm and your kid has to be strong. How are your son's grades? Who is paying for college? If I'm footing the bill, then I feel it is my right to know if I'm spending my money wisely. This also includes car insurance and cell phone.</p><p></p><p>You may not liike my advice, but I'm the sort of parent who is close to my kids, but willing to confront them even if it will tick them off. I think you need to have a conversation with your son and, if you are paying for his college, take away your financial support if he isn't clean and doing well in his classes. You don't have to be a biotch about it, but just speak matter-of-factly. If he actually won't come home because you want him to live a healthy, safe life, he is probably more involved in drugs than you know and he needs help, not money for college because he isn't going to finish college. And the money you send him will probably go for drugs. If he really wants college, he can go to a local college and live at him while following your rules such as no drugs or coming home drunk. </p><p></p><p>How you handle this is individual. My daughter got no more money from us once we knew. She did get her own job, and worked even while high as a kite. Finally, we had to make her leave because her drug use was affecting the younger kids and the cops kept stopping by, scaring all of us except her. She quit...once she was living elsewhere. The stories she tells us about her drug days make me glad that at least we didn't give her money to help her almost kill herself. If your son has a drug problem, in my opinion that issue should come first. College can always happen later. My daughter went back to school an d now has a good job and a house. But she had to quit the drugs first. </p><p></p><p>I'm really sorry you are dealing with this. It's so incredibly scary. I do recommend going to a Narc--Anon meeting to talk to others who are in your shoes or have been in your shoes in real time. That helped me...SAVED my sanity...when I was going through it and they gave me spine I wouldn't otherwise have had. </p><p></p><p>Gentle hugs.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="BusynMember, post: 588906, member: 1550"] Hi there and welcome. Did he ever use drugs before he went away to college? Although some posters, who are my dear friends on this site, disagree with me, I think that living away from home at college definitely encourages kids, who are still pretty young and are surrounded by nothing but their peers, to try things they wouldn't have done before. Or maybe ever. This weekend my daughter, who is almost seventeen and very straight, went to visit a friend at college with a few of her very straight arrow friends. She was visiting a straight arrow kid too. It was in Oshkosh WI. She came home and said her friend doesn't really like Oshkosh because "there is nothing to do here unless you party." She doesn't. There IS a small group s he hangs with who don't party, but a college dorm is a college dorm and your kid has to be strong. How are your son's grades? Who is paying for college? If I'm footing the bill, then I feel it is my right to know if I'm spending my money wisely. This also includes car insurance and cell phone. You may not liike my advice, but I'm the sort of parent who is close to my kids, but willing to confront them even if it will tick them off. I think you need to have a conversation with your son and, if you are paying for his college, take away your financial support if he isn't clean and doing well in his classes. You don't have to be a biotch about it, but just speak matter-of-factly. If he actually won't come home because you want him to live a healthy, safe life, he is probably more involved in drugs than you know and he needs help, not money for college because he isn't going to finish college. And the money you send him will probably go for drugs. If he really wants college, he can go to a local college and live at him while following your rules such as no drugs or coming home drunk. How you handle this is individual. My daughter got no more money from us once we knew. She did get her own job, and worked even while high as a kite. Finally, we had to make her leave because her drug use was affecting the younger kids and the cops kept stopping by, scaring all of us except her. She quit...once she was living elsewhere. The stories she tells us about her drug days make me glad that at least we didn't give her money to help her almost kill herself. If your son has a drug problem, in my opinion that issue should come first. College can always happen later. My daughter went back to school an d now has a good job and a house. But she had to quit the drugs first. I'm really sorry you are dealing with this. It's so incredibly scary. I do recommend going to a Narc--Anon meeting to talk to others who are in your shoes or have been in your shoes in real time. That helped me...SAVED my sanity...when I was going through it and they gave me spine I wouldn't otherwise have had. Gentle hugs. [/QUOTE]
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My son is doing drugs in college, he doesn't know that I know.
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