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My son is out. Again.
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<blockquote data-quote="Nomad" data-source="post: 704063" data-attributes="member: 4152"><p>I often find myself in unique places with my daughter that has a detachment element. It actually has to have detachment features or I wouldn't survive. But, what I'm mainly trying to say, is I suppose some might not think of it as "full" detachment mode. For example, at times, I will "help" our daughter minimally and provide things related to safety like a cell phone or a co pay to see a doctor. Maybe it is easier for us, because she doesn't tend to stay in extremely dangerous situations for too long. A few times, I have said a sentence to her that somehow, someway got her attention. I have noticed for some reason adopted mentally ill children often have a unique "edge" to them. There is that concept, theory or whatever you wish to call it that adopted children will "test" their parents to see if they really love them. Problem with this, is that just how long is this going to go on? How reasonable is this? Everyone seems to get hurt. So, I recall (and I wish I can recall my exact words, because it somehow reached her) that I said something like "Your repeated abuse of the rules and cause of drama to our family is too taxing and to be honest with you, at this point, I do not know a single person who would have continued to tolerate it." WELL, that last part of the sentence I believe got her attention. She whipped her head around and her eyes got real big and she had a funny smile. Our daughter has one very healthy (mentally) friend who is a blessing to her and our family who has repeated told her she is lucky her parents haven't just given up. On occasion, her other friends (many of whom have various disorders ) have said similar things to her. I'm sure sometimes they say the opposite. And that older friend, the professional woman, (another post, another time) is a mixed bag. In fact, when she asked her if she should move from the nice condo we helped her get and look in the slums where our daughter can afford, the woman said "If you want to" Anway, I had to adopt some detachment for the sake of my health. Having autoimmune illnesses, believe me, teaches one to respect that extreme stress is dangerous to the body. BUT, I have some little pluses in that our daughter seems to not stay in extreme situations for very long periods of time AND my husband is extremely helpful in all of this.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Nomad, post: 704063, member: 4152"] I often find myself in unique places with my daughter that has a detachment element. It actually has to have detachment features or I wouldn't survive. But, what I'm mainly trying to say, is I suppose some might not think of it as "full" detachment mode. For example, at times, I will "help" our daughter minimally and provide things related to safety like a cell phone or a co pay to see a doctor. Maybe it is easier for us, because she doesn't tend to stay in extremely dangerous situations for too long. A few times, I have said a sentence to her that somehow, someway got her attention. I have noticed for some reason adopted mentally ill children often have a unique "edge" to them. There is that concept, theory or whatever you wish to call it that adopted children will "test" their parents to see if they really love them. Problem with this, is that just how long is this going to go on? How reasonable is this? Everyone seems to get hurt. So, I recall (and I wish I can recall my exact words, because it somehow reached her) that I said something like "Your repeated abuse of the rules and cause of drama to our family is too taxing and to be honest with you, at this point, I do not know a single person who would have continued to tolerate it." WELL, that last part of the sentence I believe got her attention. She whipped her head around and her eyes got real big and she had a funny smile. Our daughter has one very healthy (mentally) friend who is a blessing to her and our family who has repeated told her she is lucky her parents haven't just given up. On occasion, her other friends (many of whom have various disorders ) have said similar things to her. I'm sure sometimes they say the opposite. And that older friend, the professional woman, (another post, another time) is a mixed bag. In fact, when she asked her if she should move from the nice condo we helped her get and look in the slums where our daughter can afford, the woman said "If you want to" Anway, I had to adopt some detachment for the sake of my health. Having autoimmune illnesses, believe me, teaches one to respect that extreme stress is dangerous to the body. BUT, I have some little pluses in that our daughter seems to not stay in extreme situations for very long periods of time AND my husband is extremely helpful in all of this. [/QUOTE]
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