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My son left. I asked him to.
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<blockquote data-quote="Copabanana" data-source="post: 688072" data-attributes="member: 18958"><p>Thank you Darkwing. Do you mean here, his conduct or my own? Am I exaggerating the complexity and nuance of my decision? I mean, I get that. I am complicating it, because of my angst? And because we spend 15 hours a day here in agony trying to figure this out!!! I mean, am I making something simple into something complex? </p><p></p><p>Like, your kid runs in the street--you grab his hand and check him? </p><p>Yes. That is my thinking, too.</p><p></p><p>There is not necessarily consensus here on the board. And because we agonize about it all, the decision process becomes almost Talmudic. </p><p></p><p>Thank you for sticking with us, Darkwing. I am grateful.</p><p>Yes. Absolutely.</p><p>Yes. </p><p></p><p>But the thing is, although in important ways he has changed, in lots of ways he thinks like a child. When he blows us, he says, give me a consequence. Like if he takes the punishment, he gets a do over. I worry about this. It seems a serious deficit to have, for an adult man. </p><p></p><p>Instead of the adult way of thinking--there are consequences for everything. I will weigh my decisions accordingly. This happened because I did that. I may or may not continue doing it, depending upon how I assess the situation. For adults, there is no longer a parent involved to assess consequences.</p><p></p><p>I know I have put myself in this role. Which is a major downside to this arrangement. </p><p>Darkwing, thank you. The part of kicking him out, is not the hardest (but it is hard) because I know it is injurious to him to continue this dance. It was something I had to do. I always come to that point when the weight or preponderance of my thinking/feeling brings me to this. It is not guilt or responsibility that hurts. Or even indecision.</p><p></p><p>The pain is more from worry and concern. And really, from love. There were months and months, even years, where my heart was closed--not cold--but closed off. I have opened it so far these last few months. How much I love him. I miss him. He has a chronic illness-Hep B-that he acquired at birth. I worry so much about that. I try to not think about it, but I do. It is there. All of that is the hard part.</p><p></p><p>Thank you Darkwing.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Copabanana, post: 688072, member: 18958"] Thank you Darkwing. Do you mean here, his conduct or my own? Am I exaggerating the complexity and nuance of my decision? I mean, I get that. I am complicating it, because of my angst? And because we spend 15 hours a day here in agony trying to figure this out!!! I mean, am I making something simple into something complex? Like, your kid runs in the street--you grab his hand and check him? Yes. That is my thinking, too. There is not necessarily consensus here on the board. And because we agonize about it all, the decision process becomes almost Talmudic. Thank you for sticking with us, Darkwing. I am grateful. Yes. Absolutely. Yes. But the thing is, although in important ways he has changed, in lots of ways he thinks like a child. When he blows us, he says, give me a consequence. Like if he takes the punishment, he gets a do over. I worry about this. It seems a serious deficit to have, for an adult man. Instead of the adult way of thinking--there are consequences for everything. I will weigh my decisions accordingly. This happened because I did that. I may or may not continue doing it, depending upon how I assess the situation. For adults, there is no longer a parent involved to assess consequences. I know I have put myself in this role. Which is a major downside to this arrangement. Darkwing, thank you. The part of kicking him out, is not the hardest (but it is hard) because I know it is injurious to him to continue this dance. It was something I had to do. I always come to that point when the weight or preponderance of my thinking/feeling brings me to this. It is not guilt or responsibility that hurts. Or even indecision. The pain is more from worry and concern. And really, from love. There were months and months, even years, where my heart was closed--not cold--but closed off. I have opened it so far these last few months. How much I love him. I miss him. He has a chronic illness-Hep B-that he acquired at birth. I worry so much about that. I try to not think about it, but I do. It is there. All of that is the hard part. Thank you Darkwing. [/QUOTE]
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