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My son left. I asked him to.
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<blockquote data-quote="Albatross" data-source="post: 688353" data-attributes="member: 17720"><p>From what you describe he has made a real HOME in your house, and HE has made it so. I think that is good and to his credit. The connections with the neighbors, the sense of belonging, having everything close by and making use of that...he has built a life there, really. That is good, right? That is something he can build on.</p><p></p><p>On the other hand, I totally agree that providing him housing is not a long-term solution and not good for him in the long run. I just wonder if maybe the long-term solution might be better reached by building on the good things he has going now.</p><p></p><p>These ideas I am going to float are TERRIBLE ideas for me and my son. In my case, ANY direction or even PERCEIVED direction causes my son to rebel. I just put them out there because your situation seems to be very different. I don't know how much support without direction you are willing to give, and I don't know how hard it will be for you to watch as he maybe doesn't respond the way you hope or as quickly as you hope.</p><p></p><p>But I do think that if direction causes rebellion, there is no point in doing it.</p><p></p><p>I think working 1 day out of 7 obviously isn't acceptable. He needs to do more than that to earn his room and board. What are you willing to give him "credit" for, so to speak, that won't cause him to get his back up? Volunteering with the homeless or a literacy organization? Maybe volunteering at the Y, or getting certified as a personal trainer? Taking a class or two of HIS choice? Would these help him move toward having confidence to take on the hard stuff, or would it just be filling the hours? </p><p></p><p>Since you can't pay him, what about trading out specific home improvements for gifts he would enjoy?</p><p></p><p>Again, VERY BAD ideas for me. But putting them out there just to get your thoughts.</p><p></p><p>The marijuana, a hard question. He has a medical marijuana card, right? He just doesn't use it and prefers to buy on the street, which is one problem, and the other is that he uses it to the point where he's dragging afterward.</p><p></p><p>I don't know, Copa. I am not sure it is worth undoing all the good that seems to have come from him being close by. It was always our parenting mantra that if our kids had something they loved that they couldn't do high, they would be less likely to abuse substances. It turns out we were right 50% of the time. HA! But I wonder if the pot use wouldn't decrease as his life got fuller. It's not the MJ that is the problem, right? It is the overuse of it.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Albatross, post: 688353, member: 17720"] From what you describe he has made a real HOME in your house, and HE has made it so. I think that is good and to his credit. The connections with the neighbors, the sense of belonging, having everything close by and making use of that...he has built a life there, really. That is good, right? That is something he can build on. On the other hand, I totally agree that providing him housing is not a long-term solution and not good for him in the long run. I just wonder if maybe the long-term solution might be better reached by building on the good things he has going now. These ideas I am going to float are TERRIBLE ideas for me and my son. In my case, ANY direction or even PERCEIVED direction causes my son to rebel. I just put them out there because your situation seems to be very different. I don't know how much support without direction you are willing to give, and I don't know how hard it will be for you to watch as he maybe doesn't respond the way you hope or as quickly as you hope. But I do think that if direction causes rebellion, there is no point in doing it. I think working 1 day out of 7 obviously isn't acceptable. He needs to do more than that to earn his room and board. What are you willing to give him "credit" for, so to speak, that won't cause him to get his back up? Volunteering with the homeless or a literacy organization? Maybe volunteering at the Y, or getting certified as a personal trainer? Taking a class or two of HIS choice? Would these help him move toward having confidence to take on the hard stuff, or would it just be filling the hours? Since you can't pay him, what about trading out specific home improvements for gifts he would enjoy? Again, VERY BAD ideas for me. But putting them out there just to get your thoughts. The marijuana, a hard question. He has a medical marijuana card, right? He just doesn't use it and prefers to buy on the street, which is one problem, and the other is that he uses it to the point where he's dragging afterward. I don't know, Copa. I am not sure it is worth undoing all the good that seems to have come from him being close by. It was always our parenting mantra that if our kids had something they loved that they couldn't do high, they would be less likely to abuse substances. It turns out we were right 50% of the time. HA! But I wonder if the pot use wouldn't decrease as his life got fuller. It's not the MJ that is the problem, right? It is the overuse of it. [/QUOTE]
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