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Substance Abuse
My Son the addict
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<blockquote data-quote="New Leaf" data-source="post: 666842" data-attributes="member: 19522"><p>Hi La Mesa, I am a new member too. The situations that have led us to this forum are entirely life-sucking and devastating. Sorry for your troubles, for as mothers, we only want the best for our children. But, they have to want that for themselves. </p><p></p><p>I have two children who have been struggling with issues for a long time. Our family has tried to help, but they only seem to continue to dig themselves deeper into the pit of despair, and don't seem to care who they drag in with them. </p><p></p><p>I went to counseling and was told I was an enabler. The words echoed in my head. These are my children, I am trying to help them! It took some time for me to realize that the addicts game plan is to continue to tug at our heart strings to keep us in enabling mode. Then we become unknowing cheerleaders "helping" them to continue on their path of destruction. Before we know it, they have destroyed the peace in our home, ripped us off countless times, caused an ugly cloud to loom over us and our loved ones, and the biggest insult, caused us to lose all sense of ourselves. That is a victory for the addict, because if we do not have the capability to stand up for ourselves, then we will be enmeshed in their addiction and risky behavior. Before we know it, we are spending all hours thinking of them, we have entered the pit of despair, and that is where addicts want us to stay. </p><p></p><p>I had an epiphany with my child when she told me this <strong>"Everyone is dysfunctional." Sneeringly-</strong> "I suppose you want a<em> <strong><u>NORMAL</u></strong></em> life." I then realized that addicts despise "normal" lives, because the thought of it forces them to look at their degradation. The hope we hold for a normal life is repugnant to addicts, because normalcy is the enemy. A normal life means that we reject their addiction and behaviors, we reject their attempts to ensnare us in their web. We do not reject our children, they will always be ours, but as long as they are living an unacceptable life, they will not be allowed to capture us into it. Loving detachment is a life saving necessity for our well being. We are worth much and have much to give.</p><p></p><p>My husband too, was drawn into the web. My child living on the streets and using, would drop her clothes off at the house, and he would wash and hang them. She would come and grab her clothes and anything else she wanted. She would bring her "friends" over while we were working. Our house was broken into, things missing, not to mention the fear of having other addicts knowing where we lived and how to get into our home. The list goes on and on, it is a disgusting misuse of another human beings love.</p><p></p><p>I took a stance that this was not acceptable. Even though my husband did not feel as I did, I stood up for myself and my sons right to peace in our home. I cannot change the way my husband feels, only the way I feel. I think he is beginning to come around and move away from looking at our disturbed adult child as the youngster we raised. I hope he is beginning to see that the choices she has made are her choices, and we cannot change that for her. </p><p></p><p>Addicts are very smart, they know how to manipulate, the ONE thing they seek is their drug of choice, they do not care who they hurt, or what they have to do to get it. An addict using, is the body of the child we raised, but the mind has been overtaken by drugs and the relentless pursuit of a high at the expense of anyone or anything in their way. I have learned the hard way, that addicts have snuffed the light and remnant of a conscience out of their mind and heart. They are living in a zombie world, and seek to find other like minded addicts. We, their family, become unwitting targets. As we look on and stay involved in hopes for change, our addict children use that against us. We are then manipulated, ripped off, lied to, used and abused until we stand up and say NO MORE!</p><p></p><p>One of my favorite quotes is "What you allow is what will continue". </p><p></p><p>I pray for you in your struggles. I pray for us all. It is a difficult journey that none of us asked for. Hugs to you. Please find the time to do something healing for YOU!</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="New Leaf, post: 666842, member: 19522"] Hi La Mesa, I am a new member too. The situations that have led us to this forum are entirely life-sucking and devastating. Sorry for your troubles, for as mothers, we only want the best for our children. But, they have to want that for themselves. I have two children who have been struggling with issues for a long time. Our family has tried to help, but they only seem to continue to dig themselves deeper into the pit of despair, and don't seem to care who they drag in with them. I went to counseling and was told I was an enabler. The words echoed in my head. These are my children, I am trying to help them! It took some time for me to realize that the addicts game plan is to continue to tug at our heart strings to keep us in enabling mode. Then we become unknowing cheerleaders "helping" them to continue on their path of destruction. Before we know it, they have destroyed the peace in our home, ripped us off countless times, caused an ugly cloud to loom over us and our loved ones, and the biggest insult, caused us to lose all sense of ourselves. That is a victory for the addict, because if we do not have the capability to stand up for ourselves, then we will be enmeshed in their addiction and risky behavior. Before we know it, we are spending all hours thinking of them, we have entered the pit of despair, and that is where addicts want us to stay. I had an epiphany with my child when she told me this [B]"Everyone is dysfunctional." Sneeringly-[/B] "I suppose you want a[I] [B][U]NORMAL[/U][/B][/I] life." I then realized that addicts despise "normal" lives, because the thought of it forces them to look at their degradation. The hope we hold for a normal life is repugnant to addicts, because normalcy is the enemy. A normal life means that we reject their addiction and behaviors, we reject their attempts to ensnare us in their web. We do not reject our children, they will always be ours, but as long as they are living an unacceptable life, they will not be allowed to capture us into it. Loving detachment is a life saving necessity for our well being. We are worth much and have much to give. My husband too, was drawn into the web. My child living on the streets and using, would drop her clothes off at the house, and he would wash and hang them. She would come and grab her clothes and anything else she wanted. She would bring her "friends" over while we were working. Our house was broken into, things missing, not to mention the fear of having other addicts knowing where we lived and how to get into our home. The list goes on and on, it is a disgusting misuse of another human beings love. I took a stance that this was not acceptable. Even though my husband did not feel as I did, I stood up for myself and my sons right to peace in our home. I cannot change the way my husband feels, only the way I feel. I think he is beginning to come around and move away from looking at our disturbed adult child as the youngster we raised. I hope he is beginning to see that the choices she has made are her choices, and we cannot change that for her. Addicts are very smart, they know how to manipulate, the ONE thing they seek is their drug of choice, they do not care who they hurt, or what they have to do to get it. An addict using, is the body of the child we raised, but the mind has been overtaken by drugs and the relentless pursuit of a high at the expense of anyone or anything in their way. I have learned the hard way, that addicts have snuffed the light and remnant of a conscience out of their mind and heart. They are living in a zombie world, and seek to find other like minded addicts. We, their family, become unwitting targets. As we look on and stay involved in hopes for change, our addict children use that against us. We are then manipulated, ripped off, lied to, used and abused until we stand up and say NO MORE! One of my favorite quotes is "What you allow is what will continue". I pray for you in your struggles. I pray for us all. It is a difficult journey that none of us asked for. Hugs to you. Please find the time to do something healing for YOU! [/QUOTE]
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