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Substance Abuse
My Son the addict
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<blockquote data-quote="toughlovin" data-source="post: 666844" data-attributes="member: 15801"><p>Welcome La Mesa. My son has also been through many rehabs and has spent time on the street.... I agree that having a kid living on the streets is awful and I undeerstand the wish to avoid that. However ultimately he needs to figure out how to stay clean and not live on the street.</p><p></p><p>I am glad you have boundaries. What meetings are you going to? Alanon? I have found an alanon meeting for parents really helpful. It is really helpful to meet other parents who have been throught his and understand the heartache and the wish to fix and help our kids. It sounds like your husband especially needs this support.</p><p></p><p>Because in the end we cant fix them, they can only fix themselves.</p><p></p><p>The stand we have taken with our son (who is now 23) is that we will help him when he is helping himself. At times he has not and has ended up homeless and on the streets or in jail. At times he has wanted help and we have helped him get treatment. Until recently I think that was totally motivated by wanting to come in from the cold and get off the streets, but even with that being his motivation we always helped him get into treatment. Recently he seemed to be doing better in that he was working and at least partly supporting himself but he was out of state.... eventually he told us that he really needed to detox because he had been drinking a whole lot. This was totally his decision and he has now been clean for 45 days.... so at the moment we are helping him..... although he is not living with us and is across the country.</p><p></p><p>So my take is keep thinking about your boundaries. You cant control his substance use but you can set boundaries.... and you can help him help himself but you cant do it fo rhim.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="toughlovin, post: 666844, member: 15801"] Welcome La Mesa. My son has also been through many rehabs and has spent time on the street.... I agree that having a kid living on the streets is awful and I undeerstand the wish to avoid that. However ultimately he needs to figure out how to stay clean and not live on the street. I am glad you have boundaries. What meetings are you going to? Alanon? I have found an alanon meeting for parents really helpful. It is really helpful to meet other parents who have been throught his and understand the heartache and the wish to fix and help our kids. It sounds like your husband especially needs this support. Because in the end we cant fix them, they can only fix themselves. The stand we have taken with our son (who is now 23) is that we will help him when he is helping himself. At times he has not and has ended up homeless and on the streets or in jail. At times he has wanted help and we have helped him get treatment. Until recently I think that was totally motivated by wanting to come in from the cold and get off the streets, but even with that being his motivation we always helped him get into treatment. Recently he seemed to be doing better in that he was working and at least partly supporting himself but he was out of state.... eventually he told us that he really needed to detox because he had been drinking a whole lot. This was totally his decision and he has now been clean for 45 days.... so at the moment we are helping him..... although he is not living with us and is across the country. So my take is keep thinking about your boundaries. You cant control his substance use but you can set boundaries.... and you can help him help himself but you cant do it fo rhim. [/QUOTE]
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