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My Son the addict
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<blockquote data-quote="New Leaf" data-source="post: 671239" data-attributes="member: 19522"><p>Dearest fellow warriors SeaGenie and La Mesa.</p><p></p><p>How brave the two of you are. How absolutely, incredibly brave.</p><p></p><p>I am humbled SeaGenie, but you must know that I have been through this for years, it took years of the revolving door for me to see my mistakes, process the guilt, find my way. Each of us travels a path unique to our own circumstances. You must know that from reading your posts and seeing what you are going through, I am reviewing my own path. I am still struggling with the enormity of the loss. But, I am learning to put it in the background, and look at it from a different perspective.</p><p>This I did not do on my own. I have learned so much from everyone here on this board, including you SeaGenie.</p><p>And that is the beauty of CD, this soft place for battle worn parents.</p><p>I cannot say that I have reached the point I need to be at.</p><p>Because it has not been tested, yet.</p><p>I bolster my resolve by coming here often, reading and posting, garnering courage and strength from all of the warriors here.</p><p>Each and every one with a different circumstance.</p><p>Their own unique response.</p><p>Detachment has worked thus far, for me.</p><p>But it has yet to be<em> tested.</em></p><p>My two, have gone to never, never land for the past two months. They have not contacted me, I have not contacted them.</p><p>It is a certain peace, but I do have to rely on G-d to hold that peace.</p><p>To not allow the crazy, rambling, awfulizing to shape my life.</p><p>Yes, I gave them to G-d, but I am still here, visiting and posting, to keep my resolve, to try to find the meaning of it all, to know what others are facing, to try to offer from my experience, a perspective.</p><p>There is no right or wrong to this.</p><p>It is a collective wisdom, here. It is not me SeaGenie, it is US. All of us.</p><p></p><p>Yes SeaGenie, you do need to do things for you.</p><p>But it is okay to cry over your son.</p><p>It is a grieving this thing we do, the loss is incredibly painful and crippling.</p><p>But they have <em>not died</em>.</p><p>Our vision of them, our wish for them our dream for them to live good productive lives has been put on hold, <em>for now.</em></p><p>But they have not died.</p><p>The endless possibilities they can achieve is still there.</p><p>We agonize over that, yearn for that, tell them of that until the point of irritation for us and them.</p><p>In the end all,</p><p>they have to figure that out for themselves.</p><p></p><p>For some, limited contact works, for me, for now, it doesn't.</p><p>And who knows? Down the road, I may pick up the phone.</p><p>I am still not sure.</p><p>Because from the insanity of it all, my going down the drain with it, is unacceptable.</p><p>Dear friends, it was 11 long years of this, that took me to grasp it.</p><p>This concept of loving detachment.</p><p></p><p>This time after two months, I am able through this site, to do some extensive evaluating and reevaluating of my patterning and responses.</p><p></p><p>But I still have much work to do.</p><p></p><p>It has not been <em>tested.</em></p><p>I have yet to receive that call, "Can I come home?"</p><p></p><p>So, I thank you very much for your kind words.</p><p>But in writing to you, I am still exploring my own path. I am receiving knowledge and understanding from everyone here.</p><p></p><p></p><p>Trust is a hard thing, There are so many folks out there who might take the truths of our lives, and in their own non-experience, misunderstanding, misjudge us. It is good to have friends who understand.</p><p>I have received great comfort sharing and reading and writing here.</p><p>That is the beginning.</p><p></p><p></p><p>The reality of this SeaGenie, is that he has betrayed himself.</p><p>He has taken a crazy, roller coaster, twisty turny, giant step away from your teachings.</p><p>He is off, trying to find himself.</p><p>He has made a giant mis-step with addiction.</p><p>He does not see this as betraying you, or himself.</p><p></p><p>Try not to feel defeated, SeaGenie,</p><p>the root of that is the guilt</p><p>that you somehow have a cause in this.</p><p>You do not.</p><p>It is him choosing.</p><p></p><p>Defeated is the empty.</p><p>The empty needs to be filled with something.</p><p>And you will find that.</p><p>Because you have made huge strides, since you first came here.</p><p>You and La Mesa.</p><p></p><p></p><p>You have been through incredibly, hard, sad times SeaGenie, but you are strong, and so present.</p><p>I am so glad you have your faith, it is a blessing.</p><p>Goodness, I am blushing. Thank you SeaGenie, but my words are built upon faith, and what I have learned from so many others here.</p><p></p><p>Yes La Mesa, it is a starting over. One step forward, two steps back. In this, you are learning how to re-strengthen yourself, to rebuild yourself, to look at it for what it is with a new vision.</p><p></p><p>Yes, the not knowing is difficult. We begin to envision all sorts of horrible things.It begets a hollowness. We reach out, but folks who do not know this pain, do not know how to respond to it. If they do not know us well, they may think-</p><p>"The apple doesn't fall far from the tree"</p><p>as if in our parenting, we failed</p><p>and somehow caused this.</p><p>I say, to the "Apple doesn't fall far from the tree"</p><p>"Ah, but the tree is on a hill"</p><p></p><p>The Bible is full of scripture admonishing children to respect and love their parents. For a good reason. Children have been forging their own paths and going down wrong ones since the dawn of time.</p><p></p><p>There is also the story of the prodigal son. Who left his home and journeyed for many years and finally returned to the loving embrace of his father.</p><p></p><p>This is a story for us to learn from, for ourselves and also the hope that is held out for our Adult children.</p><p></p><p></p><p>Good, La Mesa. Even if it is a small group, it is good to have people there for you.</p><p></p><p></p><p>Faith is definitely powerful, thank you for that La Mesa. You help me in the writing of it.</p><p></p><p></p><p>Thank you La Mesa and SeaGenie, in your hour of need, you reach out to others to be a source of comfort. You are strong and wonderful. We can all do this. We are not alone.</p><p></p><p>(((HUGS)))</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="New Leaf, post: 671239, member: 19522"] Dearest fellow warriors SeaGenie and La Mesa. How brave the two of you are. How absolutely, incredibly brave. I am humbled SeaGenie, but you must know that I have been through this for years, it took years of the revolving door for me to see my mistakes, process the guilt, find my way. Each of us travels a path unique to our own circumstances. You must know that from reading your posts and seeing what you are going through, I am reviewing my own path. I am still struggling with the enormity of the loss. But, I am learning to put it in the background, and look at it from a different perspective. This I did not do on my own. I have learned so much from everyone here on this board, including you SeaGenie. And that is the beauty of CD, this soft place for battle worn parents. I cannot say that I have reached the point I need to be at. Because it has not been tested, yet. I bolster my resolve by coming here often, reading and posting, garnering courage and strength from all of the warriors here. Each and every one with a different circumstance. Their own unique response. Detachment has worked thus far, for me. But it has yet to be[I] tested.[/I] My two, have gone to never, never land for the past two months. They have not contacted me, I have not contacted them. It is a certain peace, but I do have to rely on G-d to hold that peace. To not allow the crazy, rambling, awfulizing to shape my life. Yes, I gave them to G-d, but I am still here, visiting and posting, to keep my resolve, to try to find the meaning of it all, to know what others are facing, to try to offer from my experience, a perspective. There is no right or wrong to this. It is a collective wisdom, here. It is not me SeaGenie, it is US. All of us. Yes SeaGenie, you do need to do things for you. But it is okay to cry over your son. It is a grieving this thing we do, the loss is incredibly painful and crippling. But they have [I]not died[/I]. Our vision of them, our wish for them our dream for them to live good productive lives has been put on hold, [I]for now.[/I] But they have not died. The endless possibilities they can achieve is still there. We agonize over that, yearn for that, tell them of that until the point of irritation for us and them. In the end all, they have to figure that out for themselves. For some, limited contact works, for me, for now, it doesn't. And who knows? Down the road, I may pick up the phone. I am still not sure. Because from the insanity of it all, my going down the drain with it, is unacceptable. Dear friends, it was 11 long years of this, that took me to grasp it. This concept of loving detachment. This time after two months, I am able through this site, to do some extensive evaluating and reevaluating of my patterning and responses. But I still have much work to do. It has not been [I]tested.[/I] I have yet to receive that call, "Can I come home?" So, I thank you very much for your kind words. But in writing to you, I am still exploring my own path. I am receiving knowledge and understanding from everyone here. Trust is a hard thing, There are so many folks out there who might take the truths of our lives, and in their own non-experience, misunderstanding, misjudge us. It is good to have friends who understand. I have received great comfort sharing and reading and writing here. That is the beginning. The reality of this SeaGenie, is that he has betrayed himself. He has taken a crazy, roller coaster, twisty turny, giant step away from your teachings. He is off, trying to find himself. He has made a giant mis-step with addiction. He does not see this as betraying you, or himself. Try not to feel defeated, SeaGenie, the root of that is the guilt that you somehow have a cause in this. You do not. It is him choosing. Defeated is the empty. The empty needs to be filled with something. And you will find that. Because you have made huge strides, since you first came here. You and La Mesa. You have been through incredibly, hard, sad times SeaGenie, but you are strong, and so present. I am so glad you have your faith, it is a blessing. Goodness, I am blushing. Thank you SeaGenie, but my words are built upon faith, and what I have learned from so many others here. Yes La Mesa, it is a starting over. One step forward, two steps back. In this, you are learning how to re-strengthen yourself, to rebuild yourself, to look at it for what it is with a new vision. Yes, the not knowing is difficult. We begin to envision all sorts of horrible things.It begets a hollowness. We reach out, but folks who do not know this pain, do not know how to respond to it. If they do not know us well, they may think- "The apple doesn't fall far from the tree" as if in our parenting, we failed and somehow caused this. I say, to the "Apple doesn't fall far from the tree" "Ah, but the tree is on a hill" The Bible is full of scripture admonishing children to respect and love their parents. For a good reason. Children have been forging their own paths and going down wrong ones since the dawn of time. There is also the story of the prodigal son. Who left his home and journeyed for many years and finally returned to the loving embrace of his father. This is a story for us to learn from, for ourselves and also the hope that is held out for our Adult children. Good, La Mesa. Even if it is a small group, it is good to have people there for you. Faith is definitely powerful, thank you for that La Mesa. You help me in the writing of it. Thank you La Mesa and SeaGenie, in your hour of need, you reach out to others to be a source of comfort. You are strong and wonderful. We can all do this. We are not alone. (((HUGS))) [/QUOTE]
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