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My two cents worth....for all of us fighting
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<blockquote data-quote="everywoman" data-source="post: 93482" data-attributes="member: 1436"><p>the battle of addiction and mental illness.</p><p></p><p>Letting go, detaching doesn't make you a bad mom. Loving and trying to help doesn't make you a bad mom. Both are acts of compassion and caring---they just are on opposite ends of the spectrum. </p><p></p><p>Through all of my battles with each of the co-dependents/addcits in my life I have always started out believing if I did one more thing, tried one more time, pushed a little harder, it would work. Then I would become angry at them for not responding. Then I would be angry at myself for not trying harder. Their recovery depended on me and what I was able to do. I just knew I could fix them. First my mom---she was a a gambling addcit---then husband---he was addicted to oxycontin and then crack---and finally difficult child---he was addicted to any drug he could use and sex and well, the chaos his mind created. Each time I fought and lost I felt like a bad daugther, wife, mother. So I would fight a little harder. Give up. And then get up and fight some more. </p><p></p><p>Finally, one day, I stepped back. I started reading---I studied addiction and mental illness. I taught myself as much as I could. I attended Alanon and called hotlines and watched talk shows. I joined this board. I search the internet. I read the bible and Chritian counseling texts, and I read secular texts. I learned enough to realize that I didn't have any answers. I didn't have any solutions. </p><p></p><p>What I did learn and come to realize is that all I could do is love them with a healthy kind of love. I could love the person and not the actions. I could offer support without offering money to feed the addiction. I could make myself strong so that when they were ready to fight for themselves I would be there to aide them. I couldn't fight their pain for them. I could only stand behind and encourage their fight. </p><p></p><p>Some of us choose to walk away completely. Some of us suffer in silence. Some of us continue to look for answers in programs and doctors. Some of us just sit and wait for the bottom. Some of us cry and wail the pain that each of us feels inside. But, we all are doing what we think is best for us at that time. I have done it all...and more. </p><p></p><p>I don't know which way is better---I only know that having this place---this group of ladies and gentlemen who I know have fought the fight on my side makes my days a little less lonely---it makes the burden that weighs on my heart a little less heavy. </p><p></p><p>Thanks for listening tonight</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="everywoman, post: 93482, member: 1436"] the battle of addiction and mental illness. Letting go, detaching doesn't make you a bad mom. Loving and trying to help doesn't make you a bad mom. Both are acts of compassion and caring---they just are on opposite ends of the spectrum. Through all of my battles with each of the co-dependents/addcits in my life I have always started out believing if I did one more thing, tried one more time, pushed a little harder, it would work. Then I would become angry at them for not responding. Then I would be angry at myself for not trying harder. Their recovery depended on me and what I was able to do. I just knew I could fix them. First my mom---she was a a gambling addcit---then husband---he was addicted to oxycontin and then crack---and finally difficult child---he was addicted to any drug he could use and sex and well, the chaos his mind created. Each time I fought and lost I felt like a bad daugther, wife, mother. So I would fight a little harder. Give up. And then get up and fight some more. Finally, one day, I stepped back. I started reading---I studied addiction and mental illness. I taught myself as much as I could. I attended Alanon and called hotlines and watched talk shows. I joined this board. I search the internet. I read the bible and Chritian counseling texts, and I read secular texts. I learned enough to realize that I didn't have any answers. I didn't have any solutions. What I did learn and come to realize is that all I could do is love them with a healthy kind of love. I could love the person and not the actions. I could offer support without offering money to feed the addiction. I could make myself strong so that when they were ready to fight for themselves I would be there to aide them. I couldn't fight their pain for them. I could only stand behind and encourage their fight. Some of us choose to walk away completely. Some of us suffer in silence. Some of us continue to look for answers in programs and doctors. Some of us just sit and wait for the bottom. Some of us cry and wail the pain that each of us feels inside. But, we all are doing what we think is best for us at that time. I have done it all...and more. I don't know which way is better---I only know that having this place---this group of ladies and gentlemen who I know have fought the fight on my side makes my days a little less lonely---it makes the burden that weighs on my heart a little less heavy. Thanks for listening tonight [/QUOTE]
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My two cents worth....for all of us fighting
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