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General Parenting
My Visit with my son on Family Day
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<blockquote data-quote="meowbunny" data-source="post: 104953" data-attributes="member: 3626"><p>I'm sorry you took your mother. I understand why you did it, I'm just sorry you did it. You really need to spend time with him alone. Hopefully, you can discuss this with all parties so that something can be worked out in the future. Mom comes, but spends half the time reading a book away from you two. Mom comes every other visit. Whatever will work best for everyone.</p><p></p><p>The guilt and wanting to bring him home after a visit is perfectly normal. I know I would sob the whole drive to the airport after a visit. By the time I got on the plane, my eyes would be so swollen I could barely see. The reality is I didn't want my daughter home because it would be better for her, it was because it would be easier for ME. After every visit, I'd have to make a list of the pros and cons of letting her come home. Every time, the cons would be twice as long as the pros unless every other line on the pro side was "I want her with me" and "she hates it there."</p><p></p><p>Good for the boy who's going home for speaking up. He's right, there is no magic sign. Sometimes, it's the simple fact that the funds run out and you have to bring him home. Sometimes, the facility says the fit is no good. Sometimes, they've done as much as they can. The one thing you won't hear or see is that the kid has changed so much that he will come home a different person. I think the best a facility can do is give a child the tools to continue growing. They will be leaving a very controlled environment and going back to a very chaotic world. The more tools they have to help them stop the behavior that got them sent there, the better. So, the longer they stay, the more they learn. That, David, is the goal: Let him learn as much as he can to help him survive the real world.</p><p></p><p>If he does things like run away because that will get him released from there, he's not learning a lot yet. It takes most kids a long time to truly work the program. They will succeed on a short-term basis to get something they want (home for Xmas) but then revert to old behavior. As painful as it is, give it time. Hopefully, he'll be one of those who begins to truly understand why he is there, what he needs to do to come home and do it. More importantly, here's hoping he takes enough away from there to change his behavior when he comes home.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="meowbunny, post: 104953, member: 3626"] I'm sorry you took your mother. I understand why you did it, I'm just sorry you did it. You really need to spend time with him alone. Hopefully, you can discuss this with all parties so that something can be worked out in the future. Mom comes, but spends half the time reading a book away from you two. Mom comes every other visit. Whatever will work best for everyone. The guilt and wanting to bring him home after a visit is perfectly normal. I know I would sob the whole drive to the airport after a visit. By the time I got on the plane, my eyes would be so swollen I could barely see. The reality is I didn't want my daughter home because it would be better for her, it was because it would be easier for ME. After every visit, I'd have to make a list of the pros and cons of letting her come home. Every time, the cons would be twice as long as the pros unless every other line on the pro side was "I want her with me" and "she hates it there." Good for the boy who's going home for speaking up. He's right, there is no magic sign. Sometimes, it's the simple fact that the funds run out and you have to bring him home. Sometimes, the facility says the fit is no good. Sometimes, they've done as much as they can. The one thing you won't hear or see is that the kid has changed so much that he will come home a different person. I think the best a facility can do is give a child the tools to continue growing. They will be leaving a very controlled environment and going back to a very chaotic world. The more tools they have to help them stop the behavior that got them sent there, the better. So, the longer they stay, the more they learn. That, David, is the goal: Let him learn as much as he can to help him survive the real world. If he does things like run away because that will get him released from there, he's not learning a lot yet. It takes most kids a long time to truly work the program. They will succeed on a short-term basis to get something they want (home for Xmas) but then revert to old behavior. As painful as it is, give it time. Hopefully, he'll be one of those who begins to truly understand why he is there, what he needs to do to come home and do it. More importantly, here's hoping he takes enough away from there to change his behavior when he comes home. [/QUOTE]
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