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My wife comes home crying everynight.
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<blockquote data-quote="Marguerite" data-source="post: 82068" data-attributes="member: 1991"><p>SRL, I DO think you can apply "The Explosive Child" on a broader scale. It actually can help, if the other kids work out the new rules and can see it working. I often recommend, if you're applying this to one of your children, apply it to all and it makes it easier.</p><p></p><p>Husband101, you mentioned your 3 year old is a reason for your wife not getting a lot done - is this child more of a handful than most, or is this simply the effort of having a young cild in this situation? She shouldn't be in the position of having to teach her own child.</p><p></p><p>What is the age spread in her class? The ganging up on the white kids doesn't sound like what I would expect in 3 year olds, as a rule.</p><p></p><p>The racism - I would be on that fast. Those kids are behaving exactly as the white supremacists have done. The fact that this has happened in the past is no excuse for it to be happening now - those kids need to be told, "You should know better, we ALL know better these days; to attack a different group once we have this knowledge is even more wrong, than the original criminals who hurt others in the name of 'racial purity'." </p><p>But can you say that to 3 year olds?</p><p></p><p>It sounds to me like these kids aren't so much being racist, as simply making trouble because they have the upper hand. The race card is just a convenient excuse.</p><p></p><p>easy child 2/difficult child 2 was teaching a group like this, last year in her physical fitness class. The problems were aggravated by a supervisor in the class (who was their regular teacher, my daughter was more of a 'guest' or specialist teacher) and this supervisor would keep throwing her weight around inappropriately, with things like, "You lot are all being totally RUDE and NASTY today," often delivered just as easy child 2/difficult child 2 was getting some control. And by saying "all" this teacher was also including the few kids who WERE trying to behave, making them all think, "Why should I even try?"</p><p>Or easy child 2/difficult child 2 would have asked for ideas - she might be developing an acting scenario and asked the kids, "Where will we be? What setting?" and the kids replying by calling out ideas. Again the teacher would shout them down, even though they were NOT out of control. But when these kids WERE misbehaving, the teacher was often chatting to someone else and ignoring them. easy child 2/difficult child 2 then developed her own method of getting control - she talked softly, or said nothing. Putting her hands on her head was a sign that until all the kids had their hands on their heads and were quiet, she would not continue.</p><p>The other thing she did with these kids - right at the beginning of the lesson, she would wear them out physically by getting them to play a very active game. She got a lot more cooperation out of them. She also promised another favourite game once the lesson was done to her satisfaction, assuming they were not delayed. Of course, misbehaviour can often delay the class and the end game gets shortened as a result. The kids quickly learned to cooperate and get their tasks done if they wanted their finishing game.</p><p></p><p>Now what she was teaching was circus skills, and drama. The age range in her class was from 5 to 10 and there were a number of ADHD kids there as well as one who she was really concerned had major learning problems. A few kids I have independently observed when I teach chess (my lunchtime class) that they are disruptive, spoilt and a real handful. But when you have their enthusiasm engaged, they can be model students.</p><p></p><p>Now, I gather your wife is not teaching anything physical, but you can still do similar things with an academic class. You can begin with a quiz - keep it simple, keep it fast and you can increase the complexity as they get more skilled. You can throw in the occasional REALLY easy question, such as "What is the name of the US President?" or "What did you have for breakfast?" to make sure they're paying attention, and so ALL the kids feel they have a chance to answer a question correctly. But your wife has to invent the rules and stick to them. Any changes - should be made on HER terms. And the promise of another quiz at the end, once work is done, may encourage them to work - and she can use the work just done as a basis for the quiz if she wants.</p><p></p><p>Meanwhile, if she needs to get the kids working either as a team or individually, quietening down, this could be where she is seeing problems. She needs to watch and see which kids are triggering problems and under what circumstances. A kid with dyslexia, for example, may choose to misbehave (or start a lynching) to cover up an inability to read. it's easy to not get caught out as a non-reader when you're always cooling your heels at the principal's office.</p><p></p><p>She needs consequences she can use, and then she needs to not use them except as a last resort. And they need to be appropriate consequences - a kid shouldn't get out of work because they misbehaved. That's how illiterates sneak through the system without getting the help they need.</p><p></p><p>Consequences my teacher used to use on us - writing out a list of 100 words. Failure to write the list meant a double dose. The words needed to be at least 6 letters long (for Grade 6) and had to be spelled correctly. We were allowed to copy them from a dictionary, so we could go to a dictionary and simply copy the words in sequence - we didn't have to think of them for ourselves. And they would have to be handwritten. If a child has problems with handwriting, you could suggest they either space the writing task out, or give them the option of reading them into a tape recorder. I'm betting they will choose to write - kids get very self-conscious when faced with a microphone!</p><p>Some kids in my class wrote out 100 words in advance, so if they got a punishment they simply pulled out "here's one I prepared earlier" and went out to play. This is OK - it means their stash of prepared punishments has been reduced, so the consequence still works. It is an arduous task to write out words, even if you're only doing them in anticipation. And it gets the kid educated without them realising it. Plus, any kids with literacy issues can be flushed out this way. And as you get to recognise a kid's handwriting, you can refuse to accept work from unfamiliar handwriting, because standover tactics and getting other kids to do the work for them is not acceptable. It's AMAZING how magic you can seem, to kids who are trying to rot the system!</p><p></p><p>Keep things light, keep using rewards (like praise, used appropriately) and encouragement, and you CAN change these kids around. But a new broom - it takes time.</p><p></p><p>Get her to lurk here, or join. Do a sig so we get to know you better. And welcome to the mob! If your wife has any more specific concerns, we might be able to help her there, as well. We do have teachers on this site - some who are parents of difficult kids, and a few who are here because of their students.</p><p></p><p>Oh, and for a while my easy child 2/difficult child 2 was on the point of giving in, she would be in tears over what this class would do to her morale. Then she found a crack in their defences which helped her feel she COULD do it - and now she's chosen to study to be a teacher. It's wonderful what a little bit of success can do for your morale, especially after what you feel has been spectacular failure.</p><p></p><p>Marg</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Marguerite, post: 82068, member: 1991"] SRL, I DO think you can apply "The Explosive Child" on a broader scale. It actually can help, if the other kids work out the new rules and can see it working. I often recommend, if you're applying this to one of your children, apply it to all and it makes it easier. Husband101, you mentioned your 3 year old is a reason for your wife not getting a lot done - is this child more of a handful than most, or is this simply the effort of having a young cild in this situation? She shouldn't be in the position of having to teach her own child. What is the age spread in her class? The ganging up on the white kids doesn't sound like what I would expect in 3 year olds, as a rule. The racism - I would be on that fast. Those kids are behaving exactly as the white supremacists have done. The fact that this has happened in the past is no excuse for it to be happening now - those kids need to be told, "You should know better, we ALL know better these days; to attack a different group once we have this knowledge is even more wrong, than the original criminals who hurt others in the name of 'racial purity'." But can you say that to 3 year olds? It sounds to me like these kids aren't so much being racist, as simply making trouble because they have the upper hand. The race card is just a convenient excuse. easy child 2/difficult child 2 was teaching a group like this, last year in her physical fitness class. The problems were aggravated by a supervisor in the class (who was their regular teacher, my daughter was more of a 'guest' or specialist teacher) and this supervisor would keep throwing her weight around inappropriately, with things like, "You lot are all being totally RUDE and NASTY today," often delivered just as easy child 2/difficult child 2 was getting some control. And by saying "all" this teacher was also including the few kids who WERE trying to behave, making them all think, "Why should I even try?" Or easy child 2/difficult child 2 would have asked for ideas - she might be developing an acting scenario and asked the kids, "Where will we be? What setting?" and the kids replying by calling out ideas. Again the teacher would shout them down, even though they were NOT out of control. But when these kids WERE misbehaving, the teacher was often chatting to someone else and ignoring them. easy child 2/difficult child 2 then developed her own method of getting control - she talked softly, or said nothing. Putting her hands on her head was a sign that until all the kids had their hands on their heads and were quiet, she would not continue. The other thing she did with these kids - right at the beginning of the lesson, she would wear them out physically by getting them to play a very active game. She got a lot more cooperation out of them. She also promised another favourite game once the lesson was done to her satisfaction, assuming they were not delayed. Of course, misbehaviour can often delay the class and the end game gets shortened as a result. The kids quickly learned to cooperate and get their tasks done if they wanted their finishing game. Now what she was teaching was circus skills, and drama. The age range in her class was from 5 to 10 and there were a number of ADHD kids there as well as one who she was really concerned had major learning problems. A few kids I have independently observed when I teach chess (my lunchtime class) that they are disruptive, spoilt and a real handful. But when you have their enthusiasm engaged, they can be model students. Now, I gather your wife is not teaching anything physical, but you can still do similar things with an academic class. You can begin with a quiz - keep it simple, keep it fast and you can increase the complexity as they get more skilled. You can throw in the occasional REALLY easy question, such as "What is the name of the US President?" or "What did you have for breakfast?" to make sure they're paying attention, and so ALL the kids feel they have a chance to answer a question correctly. But your wife has to invent the rules and stick to them. Any changes - should be made on HER terms. And the promise of another quiz at the end, once work is done, may encourage them to work - and she can use the work just done as a basis for the quiz if she wants. Meanwhile, if she needs to get the kids working either as a team or individually, quietening down, this could be where she is seeing problems. She needs to watch and see which kids are triggering problems and under what circumstances. A kid with dyslexia, for example, may choose to misbehave (or start a lynching) to cover up an inability to read. it's easy to not get caught out as a non-reader when you're always cooling your heels at the principal's office. She needs consequences she can use, and then she needs to not use them except as a last resort. And they need to be appropriate consequences - a kid shouldn't get out of work because they misbehaved. That's how illiterates sneak through the system without getting the help they need. Consequences my teacher used to use on us - writing out a list of 100 words. Failure to write the list meant a double dose. The words needed to be at least 6 letters long (for Grade 6) and had to be spelled correctly. We were allowed to copy them from a dictionary, so we could go to a dictionary and simply copy the words in sequence - we didn't have to think of them for ourselves. And they would have to be handwritten. If a child has problems with handwriting, you could suggest they either space the writing task out, or give them the option of reading them into a tape recorder. I'm betting they will choose to write - kids get very self-conscious when faced with a microphone! Some kids in my class wrote out 100 words in advance, so if they got a punishment they simply pulled out "here's one I prepared earlier" and went out to play. This is OK - it means their stash of prepared punishments has been reduced, so the consequence still works. It is an arduous task to write out words, even if you're only doing them in anticipation. And it gets the kid educated without them realising it. Plus, any kids with literacy issues can be flushed out this way. And as you get to recognise a kid's handwriting, you can refuse to accept work from unfamiliar handwriting, because standover tactics and getting other kids to do the work for them is not acceptable. It's AMAZING how magic you can seem, to kids who are trying to rot the system! Keep things light, keep using rewards (like praise, used appropriately) and encouragement, and you CAN change these kids around. But a new broom - it takes time. Get her to lurk here, or join. Do a sig so we get to know you better. And welcome to the mob! If your wife has any more specific concerns, we might be able to help her there, as well. We do have teachers on this site - some who are parents of difficult kids, and a few who are here because of their students. Oh, and for a while my easy child 2/difficult child 2 was on the point of giving in, she would be in tears over what this class would do to her morale. Then she found a crack in their defences which helped her feel she COULD do it - and now she's chosen to study to be a teacher. It's wonderful what a little bit of success can do for your morale, especially after what you feel has been spectacular failure. Marg [/QUOTE]
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