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<blockquote data-quote="BusynMember" data-source="post: 617041" data-attributes="member: 1550"><p>I adopted a six year old and loved him with all my heart, but he decided to leave us. So I sort of "get" it. However, I do have four other kids. This is my talk on things and remember that you should take what you feel is useful and disregard the rest. First of all, I'll leave it to you to decide, but I have a question. Is your son a problem drinker? If so, I wouldn't ever pay for him to drive. If he got into an accident while drunk...and anything happened...and you helped him get behind the wheel by allowing it or paying his insurance...we stopped all that once my daughter clearly was using drugs. But not before she got into her first serious accident. Don't be foolish, like we were. Our drug abusing kids think they are all powerful and do drink and drive. Also, he wants to go to tractor/trailer school? Do you think he should until he stop[s drinking? Do you plan on paying for it? Do you feel he will complete the course and become gainfully employed and drive sober? We parents of difficult children have to think of things other parents don't. And it's sad, but necessary.</p><p></p><p>If he drinks a lot, no prescription drugs will help him at all. The alcohol will negate the effects of the prescription drugs. Do you know if he takes any other drugs? Do you suspect?</p><p></p><p>Your son is 50% of his bio. dad's DNA, even if he never sees him. Those of us with adopted kids, some who have never laid eyes on their bio. parents, are often shocked, once they meet, to see how much like thier bio. parents they are, even though WE raised them. Biology/genetics is huge. From what I've seen with adopted kids, I've become convinced that biology trumps environment. </p><p></p><p>In my opinion, the oldest is way too old to be living at home doing nothing, regardless of any substance abuse (which you may not even know about) or mental illness he may have. At his age, it is up to HIM to get help. If he won't, and he has been dangerous, why would you let him live in your house? My oldest son has made threats to me. Fortunately he lives a few states away. I'd never let him in my house because at any given time, he could actually do what he threatened to do. So we talk on the phone, but I can't say I want to see him or that he can ever again live here. He can't. Fortunately, at least he works and his son is in another state and he won't leave his son. I'm sorry your boy made an either serious or fake suicide attempt, but it was his decision and, if he is inclined to do it agian, you can't stop him. Suicide has always been my biggest fear with my difficult child son, but I can't stop him from doing it if he decides to go there. I don't really think he will. On the other hand, I can stop him from being in my space when he has threatened me. And I do.</p><p></p><p>I am also sorry about your other son, but he also made probably a very poor choice. He is gone for a reason. Drugs? Criminality? Maybe he doesn't want you to know what he is up to.</p><p></p><p>You do have a blessing and that is your sweet husband. Detaching means you stay out of your difficult children drama, but you take care of yourself as well. Sounds like your husband and yourself can have a wonderful life together. I'm sure you also have other relatives and friends who value you and treat you right, the way you deserve. Hobbies? Groups you are in? You CAN have a wonderful, rich, fulfilling life even while your sons make self-destructive choices.</p><p></p><p>If your son were my son he would not be living in my house. Ever. But you have to detach at your own pace and do things your way.</p><p></p><p>I am so sorry for your hurting mommy heart. I have had that myself...many times.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="BusynMember, post: 617041, member: 1550"] I adopted a six year old and loved him with all my heart, but he decided to leave us. So I sort of "get" it. However, I do have four other kids. This is my talk on things and remember that you should take what you feel is useful and disregard the rest. First of all, I'll leave it to you to decide, but I have a question. Is your son a problem drinker? If so, I wouldn't ever pay for him to drive. If he got into an accident while drunk...and anything happened...and you helped him get behind the wheel by allowing it or paying his insurance...we stopped all that once my daughter clearly was using drugs. But not before she got into her first serious accident. Don't be foolish, like we were. Our drug abusing kids think they are all powerful and do drink and drive. Also, he wants to go to tractor/trailer school? Do you think he should until he stop[s drinking? Do you plan on paying for it? Do you feel he will complete the course and become gainfully employed and drive sober? We parents of difficult children have to think of things other parents don't. And it's sad, but necessary. If he drinks a lot, no prescription drugs will help him at all. The alcohol will negate the effects of the prescription drugs. Do you know if he takes any other drugs? Do you suspect? Your son is 50% of his bio. dad's DNA, even if he never sees him. Those of us with adopted kids, some who have never laid eyes on their bio. parents, are often shocked, once they meet, to see how much like thier bio. parents they are, even though WE raised them. Biology/genetics is huge. From what I've seen with adopted kids, I've become convinced that biology trumps environment. In my opinion, the oldest is way too old to be living at home doing nothing, regardless of any substance abuse (which you may not even know about) or mental illness he may have. At his age, it is up to HIM to get help. If he won't, and he has been dangerous, why would you let him live in your house? My oldest son has made threats to me. Fortunately he lives a few states away. I'd never let him in my house because at any given time, he could actually do what he threatened to do. So we talk on the phone, but I can't say I want to see him or that he can ever again live here. He can't. Fortunately, at least he works and his son is in another state and he won't leave his son. I'm sorry your boy made an either serious or fake suicide attempt, but it was his decision and, if he is inclined to do it agian, you can't stop him. Suicide has always been my biggest fear with my difficult child son, but I can't stop him from doing it if he decides to go there. I don't really think he will. On the other hand, I can stop him from being in my space when he has threatened me. And I do. I am also sorry about your other son, but he also made probably a very poor choice. He is gone for a reason. Drugs? Criminality? Maybe he doesn't want you to know what he is up to. You do have a blessing and that is your sweet husband. Detaching means you stay out of your difficult children drama, but you take care of yourself as well. Sounds like your husband and yourself can have a wonderful life together. I'm sure you also have other relatives and friends who value you and treat you right, the way you deserve. Hobbies? Groups you are in? You CAN have a wonderful, rich, fulfilling life even while your sons make self-destructive choices. If your son were my son he would not be living in my house. Ever. But you have to detach at your own pace and do things your way. I am so sorry for your hurting mommy heart. I have had that myself...many times. [/QUOTE]
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