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Nasty accusation update
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<blockquote data-quote="Marguerite" data-source="post: 370049" data-attributes="member: 1991"><p>WearyWoman, I fully understand that she had to act on her suspicions and ask. I was OK with being asked, "Did you write it for your son?" I am glad she felt she could ask me.</p><p></p><p>My distress has been that she did not believe me when I said no, I didn't do it and of course I would not, it would be too damaging and pointless. </p><p></p><p>If I can't clear my name with her or with the faculty, and if they cannot trust me on this (and trust difficult child 3 on this) then because of the way this school works, we will get no more support academically form this faculty. Not in ways we need.</p><p></p><p>I would not meet with her alone. I am considering asking the head teacher to be present (someone who I think also needs convincing) plus SpEd, plus maybe principal, plus therapist who has already offered. And if they still don't believe - then I want them to call difficult child 3 in and talk to him about their concerns. I have said nothing to him and that will be obvious when they begin to question him.</p><p></p><p>This teacher is a new teacher for difficult child 3, in that she hasn't been his teacher before. She is not new to the school. I also believe she is very good at her job, and when she says she has considerable experience in assessing students written work, she does. But I think that could be part of the problem - her experience is far more skewed to easy child kids' responses, doesn't include the difficult children, especially the Pervasive Developmental Disorder (PDD) kids who can be far LESS inhibited in written expression if suddenly it's about something they're passionate about.</p><p></p><p>From what I'm assuming (it's taken time to go through the subtle notes and draw inferences, I still don't know for sure) I think the task in question that set off her alarm bells, was when the kid were asked to write a speech and present the assessment as palm notes for a speech. The logistics mean that a speech isn't actually given, although I offered to get difficult child 3 to make his speech to the computer and record it, so he could try facial expressions, pauses for timing, etc. But not all the kids have this technology so it might not have been fair to the other kids.</p><p>Anyway, the speech was to be about personal experience, it was to make reference to a quote from a film they had been studying (a personal growth kind of quote) and it was to discuss this aspect of, "if at first you don't succeed..."</p><p>Now difficult child 3 spent a lot of personal time with a teacher last year, working on self-esteem and personal development. Plus we've made sure he has had opportunities to learn some good social skills in some unusual situations. difficult child 3 took one of those situations and wrote about that, finishing with the comment, "I didn't think I could do it, but I persisted. And it paid off. I felt really good about myself for doing this. If I hadn't tried, I would have felt bad. And that is not something to aim for. Instead, keep trying, because the chance of success is worth it."</p><p>I'm writing this now, you understand, based on what I recall difficult child 3 wrote. He put in a lot more detail, but was very positive in how he expressed it. And the teacher felt that the choice of words ("Little Professor" syndrome backfires badly here) was not his, because most of the papers she reads like this come form PCs who tend to be more self-deprecating. Or something. Basically, her radar went off to such an extent, that my assurances count for nothing.</p><p></p><p>I know we didn't cheat. So knowing that, the alternative (that difficult child 3 really did it himself and despite doing well is now distrusted, when he needs to be mentored) is something I cannot accept continuing. If it cannot be resolved, then despite all the good stuff at this school, we will not be able to continue his eduction there, since we cannot avoid this faculty and if they continue to view us with distrust, he just won't be able to achieve anything in that (unfortunately essential) subject.</p><p></p><p>I realise it could look too much like "Methinks she protesteth too much" but I have no choice. Unless they can put their scepticism aside and actually work to help difficult child 3 on the working hypothesis that he MAY be honest; that I can accept.</p><p></p><p>I really don't care if they like me, hate me or distrust me. But if it is going to affect their work with difficult child 3, and it will if they really distrust me, then this placement has just lost its usefulness.</p><p></p><p>That is the tragedy, and this is what I have to tell the teacher when she calls.</p><p></p><p>A parent would cheat (and they do) in order to ensure that their precious child gets a few more marks to, say, qualify for medicine or law at uni. It's been fairly obvious to all teachers (or so I thought) that our aim for difficult child 3 is just to get him to graduate and in so doing, find an area of expertise that can be his career path. HE has to find it; if I interfere, then the data is skewed, distorted and valueless. </p><p></p><p>Right now I'm really resenting parents who cheat, because I'm paying for their sins. I do not resent the teacher, who was doing her job. But I'm cranky that she still does't understand splinter skills and realise that what set off her radar were the very issues I've been trying to enlist her help with! And the head teacher's help with, two years ago.</p><p></p><p>I have to follow through on this. But I can be diplomatic and if she needs to save face, I'm happy to let her, I don't mind being seen as a hysterical over-reactive as long as they really do 'get it' now and put in the right sort of effort.</p><p></p><p>Marg</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Marguerite, post: 370049, member: 1991"] WearyWoman, I fully understand that she had to act on her suspicions and ask. I was OK with being asked, "Did you write it for your son?" I am glad she felt she could ask me. My distress has been that she did not believe me when I said no, I didn't do it and of course I would not, it would be too damaging and pointless. If I can't clear my name with her or with the faculty, and if they cannot trust me on this (and trust difficult child 3 on this) then because of the way this school works, we will get no more support academically form this faculty. Not in ways we need. I would not meet with her alone. I am considering asking the head teacher to be present (someone who I think also needs convincing) plus SpEd, plus maybe principal, plus therapist who has already offered. And if they still don't believe - then I want them to call difficult child 3 in and talk to him about their concerns. I have said nothing to him and that will be obvious when they begin to question him. This teacher is a new teacher for difficult child 3, in that she hasn't been his teacher before. She is not new to the school. I also believe she is very good at her job, and when she says she has considerable experience in assessing students written work, she does. But I think that could be part of the problem - her experience is far more skewed to easy child kids' responses, doesn't include the difficult children, especially the Pervasive Developmental Disorder (PDD) kids who can be far LESS inhibited in written expression if suddenly it's about something they're passionate about. From what I'm assuming (it's taken time to go through the subtle notes and draw inferences, I still don't know for sure) I think the task in question that set off her alarm bells, was when the kid were asked to write a speech and present the assessment as palm notes for a speech. The logistics mean that a speech isn't actually given, although I offered to get difficult child 3 to make his speech to the computer and record it, so he could try facial expressions, pauses for timing, etc. But not all the kids have this technology so it might not have been fair to the other kids. Anyway, the speech was to be about personal experience, it was to make reference to a quote from a film they had been studying (a personal growth kind of quote) and it was to discuss this aspect of, "if at first you don't succeed..." Now difficult child 3 spent a lot of personal time with a teacher last year, working on self-esteem and personal development. Plus we've made sure he has had opportunities to learn some good social skills in some unusual situations. difficult child 3 took one of those situations and wrote about that, finishing with the comment, "I didn't think I could do it, but I persisted. And it paid off. I felt really good about myself for doing this. If I hadn't tried, I would have felt bad. And that is not something to aim for. Instead, keep trying, because the chance of success is worth it." I'm writing this now, you understand, based on what I recall difficult child 3 wrote. He put in a lot more detail, but was very positive in how he expressed it. And the teacher felt that the choice of words ("Little Professor" syndrome backfires badly here) was not his, because most of the papers she reads like this come form PCs who tend to be more self-deprecating. Or something. Basically, her radar went off to such an extent, that my assurances count for nothing. I know we didn't cheat. So knowing that, the alternative (that difficult child 3 really did it himself and despite doing well is now distrusted, when he needs to be mentored) is something I cannot accept continuing. If it cannot be resolved, then despite all the good stuff at this school, we will not be able to continue his eduction there, since we cannot avoid this faculty and if they continue to view us with distrust, he just won't be able to achieve anything in that (unfortunately essential) subject. I realise it could look too much like "Methinks she protesteth too much" but I have no choice. Unless they can put their scepticism aside and actually work to help difficult child 3 on the working hypothesis that he MAY be honest; that I can accept. I really don't care if they like me, hate me or distrust me. But if it is going to affect their work with difficult child 3, and it will if they really distrust me, then this placement has just lost its usefulness. That is the tragedy, and this is what I have to tell the teacher when she calls. A parent would cheat (and they do) in order to ensure that their precious child gets a few more marks to, say, qualify for medicine or law at uni. It's been fairly obvious to all teachers (or so I thought) that our aim for difficult child 3 is just to get him to graduate and in so doing, find an area of expertise that can be his career path. HE has to find it; if I interfere, then the data is skewed, distorted and valueless. Right now I'm really resenting parents who cheat, because I'm paying for their sins. I do not resent the teacher, who was doing her job. But I'm cranky that she still does't understand splinter skills and realise that what set off her radar were the very issues I've been trying to enlist her help with! And the head teacher's help with, two years ago. I have to follow through on this. But I can be diplomatic and if she needs to save face, I'm happy to let her, I don't mind being seen as a hysterical over-reactive as long as they really do 'get it' now and put in the right sort of effort. Marg [/QUOTE]
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