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General Parenting
Nature vs nurture and adoption
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<blockquote data-quote="howlongto18" data-source="post: 120441" data-attributes="member: 3129"><p>I have struggled here. I have one adopted (difficult child) and one home grown. It's tough to get over the self doubt sometimes. Am I loving them both the same? My little one is so much easier to love since he let's me love him. I sometimes think he was sent to me just so that I wouldn't feel like a failure. We adopted Juan Carlos at age two, and there is definitely something to the bond that develops in the early years... not necessarily genetic, but a trust thing. We have bonded, but it's been work to do it. Toddler adoption is especially hard because you are trying to gain trust from a child who lacks the ability to reason, and who is also just stepping out and discovering how to be independant. Juan Carlos just reminds me of a mini version of your stereotypical abusive husband. Everything is someone else's fault, can't take any form of punishment or criticism, will hit and scream and blame and then is filled with empty promises and overly cuddly, doting and emotional. I hope so much for him that he can learn to control it because I have nightmares of what his life could turn into. His good side is so fabulous I wish I could lasso it and hold it captive... it's always fleeting. I would love to meet his bio family. I will never know who his bio dad is, I'm not sure if I could find his bio mom and his five half siblings in Guatemala. Even then, the mental illness could be on the mystery dad's side. Likely possibility because of his behavior.</p><p></p><p>I think it is both nature and nurture. You can't love someone out of mental illness. That's been the hardest lesson to learn.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="howlongto18, post: 120441, member: 3129"] I have struggled here. I have one adopted (difficult child) and one home grown. It's tough to get over the self doubt sometimes. Am I loving them both the same? My little one is so much easier to love since he let's me love him. I sometimes think he was sent to me just so that I wouldn't feel like a failure. We adopted Juan Carlos at age two, and there is definitely something to the bond that develops in the early years... not necessarily genetic, but a trust thing. We have bonded, but it's been work to do it. Toddler adoption is especially hard because you are trying to gain trust from a child who lacks the ability to reason, and who is also just stepping out and discovering how to be independant. Juan Carlos just reminds me of a mini version of your stereotypical abusive husband. Everything is someone else's fault, can't take any form of punishment or criticism, will hit and scream and blame and then is filled with empty promises and overly cuddly, doting and emotional. I hope so much for him that he can learn to control it because I have nightmares of what his life could turn into. His good side is so fabulous I wish I could lasso it and hold it captive... it's always fleeting. I would love to meet his bio family. I will never know who his bio dad is, I'm not sure if I could find his bio mom and his five half siblings in Guatemala. Even then, the mental illness could be on the mystery dad's side. Likely possibility because of his behavior. I think it is both nature and nurture. You can't love someone out of mental illness. That's been the hardest lesson to learn. [/QUOTE]
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