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Need a Little Advice from Those Who Have been there done that
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<blockquote data-quote="Petunia" data-source="post: 608114" data-attributes="member: 13251"><p>Oh my gosh, thank you all so much for your words of encouragement and wisdom! It helps so much to have some non-judgmental, good, solid, understanding responses!! Normally I feel better when difficult child is in jail because I know where he is, that he has food and a bed and clothes to wear and he's not out drugging and stealing and destroying. But for some reason this time I'm all keyed up. I feel restless inside and am fighting the urge to run to the rescue. I'm in a wash-rinse-repeat cycle of saying "I won't do it. It's not my fault. The natural consequences must follow", repeating the Serenity Prayer, as well as not projecting in to the future what-ifs. You know how it goes. </p><p>I am happy to report that aside from a few morbid curiosity seekers, the response to us has been mostly positive. Notes and calls of encouragement from others who have made the news in town or have SA issues in their family have been sent to me and easy child has only had a few comments to deal with, which he seems to be handling well (he's 13 but an old soul). easy child is quite concerned for his brother's well-being and stresses out when we have a crisis - which is all too often. I'm kind of basing my response on who the person is that is talking, just like SuZir suggested. Our friends and families have been very supportive through it all, which is immensely helpful as well. It's just that they can't <em>understand </em>because they haven't really lived it. But the members here on this board can. You know? husband and I were both brought up in homes that can only be described as pretty normal. Our close friends haven't had difficult children (or if they did, they were so mild as to be laughable) and our siblings are raising herds of PCs as well. I know I need a real-life support group of some sort. I had tried before to find a local *-anon group or NAMI, but it appears the closest ones actually in operation are about 50 miles away. Which is terrible, because we have a serious, serious need in our community for such things. At one point I had reached a tolerable level of detachment and was doing quite well, but I think I've let myself somehow slip back into Control Freak Mode (I had even gotten my eye to stop twitching and the ringing in my ear to go away, but they're back now). Anyway, I shall continue on in my search of real-life support groups and combined with this virtual support, I think I will survive. Next on the list is to thrive, rather than just surviving. Looking at what many of you have come through, I know it is possible. </p><p>Thank you to each and every one of you that took the time to respond to me in such a gentle way. It helps more than you can know. <img src="data:image/gif;base64,R0lGODlhAQABAIAAAAAAAP///yH5BAEAAAAALAAAAAABAAEAAAIBRAA7" class="smilie smilie--sprite smilie--sprite8" alt=":D" title="Big Grin :D" loading="lazy" data-shortname=":D" /></p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Petunia, post: 608114, member: 13251"] Oh my gosh, thank you all so much for your words of encouragement and wisdom! It helps so much to have some non-judgmental, good, solid, understanding responses!! Normally I feel better when difficult child is in jail because I know where he is, that he has food and a bed and clothes to wear and he's not out drugging and stealing and destroying. But for some reason this time I'm all keyed up. I feel restless inside and am fighting the urge to run to the rescue. I'm in a wash-rinse-repeat cycle of saying "I won't do it. It's not my fault. The natural consequences must follow", repeating the Serenity Prayer, as well as not projecting in to the future what-ifs. You know how it goes. I am happy to report that aside from a few morbid curiosity seekers, the response to us has been mostly positive. Notes and calls of encouragement from others who have made the news in town or have SA issues in their family have been sent to me and easy child has only had a few comments to deal with, which he seems to be handling well (he's 13 but an old soul). easy child is quite concerned for his brother's well-being and stresses out when we have a crisis - which is all too often. I'm kind of basing my response on who the person is that is talking, just like SuZir suggested. Our friends and families have been very supportive through it all, which is immensely helpful as well. It's just that they can't [I]understand [/I]because they haven't really lived it. But the members here on this board can. You know? husband and I were both brought up in homes that can only be described as pretty normal. Our close friends haven't had difficult children (or if they did, they were so mild as to be laughable) and our siblings are raising herds of PCs as well. I know I need a real-life support group of some sort. I had tried before to find a local *-anon group or NAMI, but it appears the closest ones actually in operation are about 50 miles away. Which is terrible, because we have a serious, serious need in our community for such things. At one point I had reached a tolerable level of detachment and was doing quite well, but I think I've let myself somehow slip back into Control Freak Mode (I had even gotten my eye to stop twitching and the ringing in my ear to go away, but they're back now). Anyway, I shall continue on in my search of real-life support groups and combined with this virtual support, I think I will survive. Next on the list is to thrive, rather than just surviving. Looking at what many of you have come through, I know it is possible. Thank you to each and every one of you that took the time to respond to me in such a gentle way. It helps more than you can know. :happy: [/QUOTE]
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