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Need advice: adult son with mental problems ... things getting worse
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<blockquote data-quote="Sam3" data-source="post: 727782" data-attributes="member: 19290"><p>What I’ve found helpful is to think about what steps would give my son opportunities to change course, given his abilities and where he actually is today, while also forecasting the future I can live with if he’s not pursuing those steps</p><p></p><p>For me, Ive come to terms with the fact that if my son is not working towards being an employable and independent adult, that at some point he will have to qualify for disability and rely on the social safety net. </p><p></p><p>That is the natural consequence of being unemployable. </p><p></p><p>I’ve also realized my son will need some time and supports and patience to get to a place where he is employable. So I’m offering those things now. </p><p></p><p>But I think there is power in letting our adult children know, without catastrophizing, that we have wrapped our heads around the possibility that their futures might involve jail, homelessness,and living off the dole, if they don’t beat their addictions and treat their illnesses. </p><p></p><p>It takes away the X factor: their belief that they would get another bonus life because “my parents would be too horrified to let that happen to me.” </p><p></p><p>So it becomes their informed choice whether they want to see a therapist, meet with a job counselor, take medications — or not. </p><p></p><p>Your son has been an adult for as long as he was a child, at this point. Your idea of what he is capable of and what you would need to see to know he is trying, might be very different.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Sam3, post: 727782, member: 19290"] What I’ve found helpful is to think about what steps would give my son opportunities to change course, given his abilities and where he actually is today, while also forecasting the future I can live with if he’s not pursuing those steps For me, Ive come to terms with the fact that if my son is not working towards being an employable and independent adult, that at some point he will have to qualify for disability and rely on the social safety net. That is the natural consequence of being unemployable. I’ve also realized my son will need some time and supports and patience to get to a place where he is employable. So I’m offering those things now. But I think there is power in letting our adult children know, without catastrophizing, that we have wrapped our heads around the possibility that their futures might involve jail, homelessness,and living off the dole, if they don’t beat their addictions and treat their illnesses. It takes away the X factor: their belief that they would get another bonus life because “my parents would be too horrified to let that happen to me.” So it becomes their informed choice whether they want to see a therapist, meet with a job counselor, take medications — or not. Your son has been an adult for as long as he was a child, at this point. Your idea of what he is capable of and what you would need to see to know he is trying, might be very different. [/QUOTE]
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Need advice: adult son with mental problems ... things getting worse
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