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<blockquote data-quote="Big Bad Kitty" data-source="post: 316564" data-attributes="member: 3647"><p>Hi Etude.</p><p></p><p>Are you sure your X is not MY X? I have an 8YO daughter who worships the ground her father walks on. He is currently doing time for burglary. It is so hard to be the one who does everything for my child and ALL she wants is her daddy.</p><p></p><p>I also have a 21YO daughter whose father was no better. He left as soon as I told him I was pregnant. When she turned 8, I found him, met him, talked with him, and arranged for the two of them to meet. After spending time with her for 6 months, he told me he was too busy to be her dad and she never saw him again.</p><p></p><p>She spent a few years blaming me and still idolizing her father. In retrospect I believe what she was idolizing was the idea of having a father present. In both my daughters cases, it was easier and much safer to be angry with me, because they knew in their heart of hearts that nothing they could do or say would make me stop loving them. It is unsafe for them, in their minds, to be angry with dad because they are afraid that if they do, dad will leave.</p><p></p><p>In my older daughter's case, she grew up and saw her father for who he really was. It took many years and lots of tears. I could not protect her from him, and as much as it hurt me to see my baby hurt, I had to let it happen and just be there for her. I never bad mouthed her father, but the time came when I didn't have to...she knew it.</p><p></p><p>In my younger daughter's case, it is a bit different. He has been a part of her life for her entire life but has always disappointed her. Always late to pick her up, never paying child support, and never really there for her even when they were spending time together. Now he is in jail, and she is in a psychiatric hospital. All she wants is him, and it kills me a little more every day, as I am the one running to therapy sessions and making sure they are medicating her properly and making sure she has her teddy bear and so on, and ALL she says to me is how much she misses her daddy.</p><p></p><p>I don't know what my take is on you moving. I don't know if I could be in your shoes and not make that move. Your daughter will possibly resent you if you do make the move, and it will be very easy for her to blame you for not being able to be with her dad.</p><p></p><p>I think the best thing is, no matter where you decide to go, to make sure the visits with dad are supervised. She is very young and very impressionable as you well know.Of course she feels like she needs to be tough around dad. She is safe with you, and she knows it. She can be herself. She is afraid of losing her dad so she feels the need to put on a front and act in a way that she thinks he will like. </p><p></p><p>Sigh. Big hugs to you, you are not alone. One day she will grow up to admire your strength, I promise.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Big Bad Kitty, post: 316564, member: 3647"] Hi Etude. Are you sure your X is not MY X? I have an 8YO daughter who worships the ground her father walks on. He is currently doing time for burglary. It is so hard to be the one who does everything for my child and ALL she wants is her daddy. I also have a 21YO daughter whose father was no better. He left as soon as I told him I was pregnant. When she turned 8, I found him, met him, talked with him, and arranged for the two of them to meet. After spending time with her for 6 months, he told me he was too busy to be her dad and she never saw him again. She spent a few years blaming me and still idolizing her father. In retrospect I believe what she was idolizing was the idea of having a father present. In both my daughters cases, it was easier and much safer to be angry with me, because they knew in their heart of hearts that nothing they could do or say would make me stop loving them. It is unsafe for them, in their minds, to be angry with dad because they are afraid that if they do, dad will leave. In my older daughter's case, she grew up and saw her father for who he really was. It took many years and lots of tears. I could not protect her from him, and as much as it hurt me to see my baby hurt, I had to let it happen and just be there for her. I never bad mouthed her father, but the time came when I didn't have to...she knew it. In my younger daughter's case, it is a bit different. He has been a part of her life for her entire life but has always disappointed her. Always late to pick her up, never paying child support, and never really there for her even when they were spending time together. Now he is in jail, and she is in a psychiatric hospital. All she wants is him, and it kills me a little more every day, as I am the one running to therapy sessions and making sure they are medicating her properly and making sure she has her teddy bear and so on, and ALL she says to me is how much she misses her daddy. I don't know what my take is on you moving. I don't know if I could be in your shoes and not make that move. Your daughter will possibly resent you if you do make the move, and it will be very easy for her to blame you for not being able to be with her dad. I think the best thing is, no matter where you decide to go, to make sure the visits with dad are supervised. She is very young and very impressionable as you well know.Of course she feels like she needs to be tough around dad. She is safe with you, and she knows it. She can be herself. She is afraid of losing her dad so she feels the need to put on a front and act in a way that she thinks he will like. Sigh. Big hugs to you, you are not alone. One day she will grow up to admire your strength, I promise. [/QUOTE]
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