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Need Advice Before Bad Stuff Gets Worse
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<blockquote data-quote="Etude" data-source="post: 318268" data-attributes="member: 8281"><p>BusyWend,</p><p> </p><p>Thank you for your response. You are right that she needs counselling and I am working on that. I worry that she doesn't understand her own feelings -- she defends all that happened while she was with her father and yet I can see that she was scared by it all. She's crossed a line courtesy of her father and she can't uncross it. The court gave her ten hours community service as punishment and I want to make sure those hours count. Their only criteria is that the 10 hours are for a non-profit org but I don't want it to be at the local abandoned pet shelter. She needs to see the consequences of drug use, unprovoked/unreasonable defiance against authority, or living as a "victim" because the bad things that happen to oneself are always due to someone else's actions.</p><p> </p><p>She does live in a fantasy world about how great life would be with Dad. And her grandparents feed that fantasy knowing he is a junkie. They also are guilty of absolving themselves of any responsibility for how all of their children turned out. </p><p> </p><p>Fortunately, my daughter does see the difference between how we live and how her father lives although she does not want to admit it. At least she SEES the difference.</p><p> </p><p>I would tell him that he can visit her here. However, he is a junkie and he is known for stealing from the houses of people who have helped him (but God forbid, never his parents' house). I don't live in a lavish manor but it is (much) better than where he lives. I don't need things missing from the house because there really is no recourse. It is always too small for the police to be overly concerned about and/or his stories are always minimally plausible. When it has happened to those others who helped him, he insists that the house was broken into, the car was stolen while he wasn't there, he never saw (fill in the blank) and he doesn't know what they are talking about...."they're crazy", "they have problems"... he can't wait to get away from them because they make him look bad. These are NOT fellow junkies. They're people who felt bad and took him in.</p><p> </p><p>So, counselling for her and lots of distance for him.</p><p> </p><p>Thank you for taking your time out to respond to my request.</p><p> </p><p>e</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Etude, post: 318268, member: 8281"] BusyWend, Thank you for your response. You are right that she needs counselling and I am working on that. I worry that she doesn't understand her own feelings -- she defends all that happened while she was with her father and yet I can see that she was scared by it all. She's crossed a line courtesy of her father and she can't uncross it. The court gave her ten hours community service as punishment and I want to make sure those hours count. Their only criteria is that the 10 hours are for a non-profit org but I don't want it to be at the local abandoned pet shelter. She needs to see the consequences of drug use, unprovoked/unreasonable defiance against authority, or living as a "victim" because the bad things that happen to oneself are always due to someone else's actions. She does live in a fantasy world about how great life would be with Dad. And her grandparents feed that fantasy knowing he is a junkie. They also are guilty of absolving themselves of any responsibility for how all of their children turned out. Fortunately, my daughter does see the difference between how we live and how her father lives although she does not want to admit it. At least she SEES the difference. I would tell him that he can visit her here. However, he is a junkie and he is known for stealing from the houses of people who have helped him (but God forbid, never his parents' house). I don't live in a lavish manor but it is (much) better than where he lives. I don't need things missing from the house because there really is no recourse. It is always too small for the police to be overly concerned about and/or his stories are always minimally plausible. When it has happened to those others who helped him, he insists that the house was broken into, the car was stolen while he wasn't there, he never saw (fill in the blank) and he doesn't know what they are talking about...."they're crazy", "they have problems"... he can't wait to get away from them because they make him look bad. These are NOT fellow junkies. They're people who felt bad and took him in. So, counselling for her and lots of distance for him. Thank you for taking your time out to respond to my request. e [/QUOTE]
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