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Need advice - expenses and adult children at home
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<blockquote data-quote="susiestar" data-source="post: 301396" data-attributes="member: 1233"><p>Fran is right. This should be approached simply and in a businesslike way.</p><p></p><p>Establish a written contract. How much they pay per month, what chores are expected of them, and what is to be available.</p><p></p><p>The mini-fridge is just plain mean and RUDE. </p><p></p><p>If they wish to continue that game they need to find a place of their own.</p><p></p><p>Establish a day that the rent is due. It can be weekly, every other week, first and fifteenth of the month, whatever. Try to time it so that rent is due each time they get a paycheck. Not once a month if they get paid weekly because they will constantly "run short" and not pay you. Esp if the rent is more than one paycheck (which for 2 people it probably should be). </p><p></p><p>Tell them that if they don't give you change without you asking/nagging then it is theft. Fran is on the money on that one. It IS theft. But they probably have not ever thought of it that way.</p><p></p><p>Keep track of ALL grocery receipts for a month or two. You will be able to then tweak the agreement to reflect the actual grocery/cleaners/soap/toothpaste costs. Once you can SHOW them this it will open their eyes.</p><p></p><p>They think that you have everything paid off and money floating around to sponge off of. Or it hasn't truly "clicked" that they are adults now. Or some of both.</p><p></p><p>Just make SURE to put it in writing. We nearly had a permanent break from my mom after we lived with her for 2 years while husband was in grad school. With Wiz I couldn't work. He was just to volatile. Our big money blowups were over the grocery/cleaning type stuff. Mom would give me the monthly budget for that and I kept it in a locked drawer that she also had keys to. But to get all the stuff she insisted we HAD to have it took the entire budget and another $500 of the $800 husband got for teaching 2 classes. She kept badgering me for the "rest" of the money and insisted that I was stealing it (by the end of our time together). I showed her the figures, the receipts, the items I paid for separately because they were strictly mine or husband's or the kids' bills.</p><p></p><p>Put everything in writing. make it clear. Make it a contract. Include things they suggest that are reasonable (if they make any reasonable requests).</p><p></p><p>Also sign a housemates behavior plan. What is okay to ask, what is not okay to do, whatever floats your boat.</p><p></p><p>Remember, even after the contracts that this is first and foremost YOUR home because YOU are paying the major bills. They are NOT paying half of what the bills would be if they were in an apartment.</p><p></p><p>Your home, your rules, your veto power and power to change the rules at any time if things get out of hand.</p><p></p><p>You don't want to be a tyrant but you MUST have some sort of veto power because they are children learning to be adults. </p><p></p><p>Hopefully you can navigate this fairly easily.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="susiestar, post: 301396, member: 1233"] Fran is right. This should be approached simply and in a businesslike way. Establish a written contract. How much they pay per month, what chores are expected of them, and what is to be available. The mini-fridge is just plain mean and RUDE. If they wish to continue that game they need to find a place of their own. Establish a day that the rent is due. It can be weekly, every other week, first and fifteenth of the month, whatever. Try to time it so that rent is due each time they get a paycheck. Not once a month if they get paid weekly because they will constantly "run short" and not pay you. Esp if the rent is more than one paycheck (which for 2 people it probably should be). Tell them that if they don't give you change without you asking/nagging then it is theft. Fran is on the money on that one. It IS theft. But they probably have not ever thought of it that way. Keep track of ALL grocery receipts for a month or two. You will be able to then tweak the agreement to reflect the actual grocery/cleaners/soap/toothpaste costs. Once you can SHOW them this it will open their eyes. They think that you have everything paid off and money floating around to sponge off of. Or it hasn't truly "clicked" that they are adults now. Or some of both. Just make SURE to put it in writing. We nearly had a permanent break from my mom after we lived with her for 2 years while husband was in grad school. With Wiz I couldn't work. He was just to volatile. Our big money blowups were over the grocery/cleaning type stuff. Mom would give me the monthly budget for that and I kept it in a locked drawer that she also had keys to. But to get all the stuff she insisted we HAD to have it took the entire budget and another $500 of the $800 husband got for teaching 2 classes. She kept badgering me for the "rest" of the money and insisted that I was stealing it (by the end of our time together). I showed her the figures, the receipts, the items I paid for separately because they were strictly mine or husband's or the kids' bills. Put everything in writing. make it clear. Make it a contract. Include things they suggest that are reasonable (if they make any reasonable requests). Also sign a housemates behavior plan. What is okay to ask, what is not okay to do, whatever floats your boat. Remember, even after the contracts that this is first and foremost YOUR home because YOU are paying the major bills. They are NOT paying half of what the bills would be if they were in an apartment. Your home, your rules, your veto power and power to change the rules at any time if things get out of hand. You don't want to be a tyrant but you MUST have some sort of veto power because they are children learning to be adults. Hopefully you can navigate this fairly easily. [/QUOTE]
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