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Need advice on best and least combative way to get 19 year old to move out
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<blockquote data-quote="DammitJanet" data-source="post: 532066" data-attributes="member: 1514"><p>Okay, I can probably help you here. I think you should tell him that you know that he does smoke pot and engages in acid use and that you cannot condone that in or around your house. You dont want to be around him when he is high and since he has decided to choose this life, it is time for him to have his own abode. Then he can make all his own rules and you wont say a peep. His home, his rules. That should give him pause for consideration. He probably thinks you will still attempt to run his life even when he is gone. Many parents do. Dont. If he comes to you begging for help getting off the drugs then you can help but until then, not a peep. </p><p></p><p>You might want to help him find a really low rent place to stay. The first place Cory and Mandy went was a mobile home that should have been condemned. The floors had holes in them and the furnace didnt work. He had to patch holes in the walls and we got two window unit AC's off freecycle and he got an old rug out of a dumpster behind an apartment that was being remodeled. It cost $200 a month. Now he is in a mobile home that is probably 15 years old or so and has 3 bedrooms. He pays $500 for the home which includes all utilities. That is pretty good and is all he can afford really. It is pushing it for his income but he is out in the country where he wants to be. He can have a dog in the yard and its just better for him to be out there. </p><p></p><p>You may have to help him get into the very first place. Maybe help with deposits for electric and such but I wouldnt be the cosigner on the home or apartment. I would never do that. I have never done that. I have been fully willing to tell them where he gets his income and such but never would I put myself at risk. I did pay deposit for his second place to get him out of our house. He simply had to go. </p><p></p><p>We did basically toss him out the first time - I think - but it was a firm talking to that we had discussed with him and just said its time to leave the nest. After he had to come back home about 2 years later due to the condemned place just rotting out under them...well, we let them but they turned back into perpetual teens and didnt save up money like they were supposed to do so we had to again set the dates for them to get out and they found a place and we moved them on out. It is amazing how well they can do when on their own.</p><p></p><p>I will tell you what I have learned. A young man does so much better on his own. He begins to learn that he is not a child anymore but a man and as he takes care of himself for the first time, it instills a huge sense of self esteem in him. He starts feeling a sense of pride in him that he never has had before. Even if he has to buy his couch from Goodwill, that couch will mean more to him than anything you have at your home. It is something he bought with his own money. His money will mean so much to him. He will learn the power of a dollar and suddenly he will learn to stretch it. High dollar clothes wont appear in his closet anymore. My son used to covet fancy clothes and expensive shoes. Now he shops at second hand stores. He is so appreciative of anything I give him. He has the TV I bought in 1997. His outlook has changed 180. Best thing ever.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="DammitJanet, post: 532066, member: 1514"] Okay, I can probably help you here. I think you should tell him that you know that he does smoke pot and engages in acid use and that you cannot condone that in or around your house. You dont want to be around him when he is high and since he has decided to choose this life, it is time for him to have his own abode. Then he can make all his own rules and you wont say a peep. His home, his rules. That should give him pause for consideration. He probably thinks you will still attempt to run his life even when he is gone. Many parents do. Dont. If he comes to you begging for help getting off the drugs then you can help but until then, not a peep. You might want to help him find a really low rent place to stay. The first place Cory and Mandy went was a mobile home that should have been condemned. The floors had holes in them and the furnace didnt work. He had to patch holes in the walls and we got two window unit AC's off freecycle and he got an old rug out of a dumpster behind an apartment that was being remodeled. It cost $200 a month. Now he is in a mobile home that is probably 15 years old or so and has 3 bedrooms. He pays $500 for the home which includes all utilities. That is pretty good and is all he can afford really. It is pushing it for his income but he is out in the country where he wants to be. He can have a dog in the yard and its just better for him to be out there. You may have to help him get into the very first place. Maybe help with deposits for electric and such but I wouldnt be the cosigner on the home or apartment. I would never do that. I have never done that. I have been fully willing to tell them where he gets his income and such but never would I put myself at risk. I did pay deposit for his second place to get him out of our house. He simply had to go. We did basically toss him out the first time - I think - but it was a firm talking to that we had discussed with him and just said its time to leave the nest. After he had to come back home about 2 years later due to the condemned place just rotting out under them...well, we let them but they turned back into perpetual teens and didnt save up money like they were supposed to do so we had to again set the dates for them to get out and they found a place and we moved them on out. It is amazing how well they can do when on their own. I will tell you what I have learned. A young man does so much better on his own. He begins to learn that he is not a child anymore but a man and as he takes care of himself for the first time, it instills a huge sense of self esteem in him. He starts feeling a sense of pride in him that he never has had before. Even if he has to buy his couch from Goodwill, that couch will mean more to him than anything you have at your home. It is something he bought with his own money. His money will mean so much to him. He will learn the power of a dollar and suddenly he will learn to stretch it. High dollar clothes wont appear in his closet anymore. My son used to covet fancy clothes and expensive shoes. Now he shops at second hand stores. He is so appreciative of anything I give him. He has the TV I bought in 1997. His outlook has changed 180. Best thing ever. [/QUOTE]
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Need advice on best and least combative way to get 19 year old to move out
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