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Need advice on how to handle neighborhood drama
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<blockquote data-quote="Andy" data-source="post: 360594" data-attributes="member: 5096"><p>I love how you picked up on the other kids doing the same thing but in different ways. That is so true - all kids have their moments and just because difficult children' are sometimes stronger moments doesn't mean they are the only ones learning how to control themselves. The whining, complaining, ect. are classic kid behaviors. It could also be that the neighborhood kids have picked up on the fact that difficult child has a harder time controlling behavior and thus he is an easy target for their blaming. Just say difficult child was behind everything, the adults will believe it.</p><p> </p><p>With the adults, I would have another talk with them and explain that you are working on certain behaviors but they will not get changed if you are not aware of them. The adults telling you what they see and hear will only help your with difficult child. </p><p> </p><p>When my difficult child was in 5th grade and living through his nightmare of a year, his teacher told me EVERYTHING. She would say, I hate always telling you bad things about your son but the other teachers think it is important that you know every incident. They were correct. I really could not have helped difficult child through that behavior if I didn't know the extent of it. Your adult neighbors need to know that. Give them specific things to look for if you are suspicious of certain behaviors.</p><p> </p><p>As for the neighborhood kids, keep an eye out for them using difficult child as the scapgoat. You do know that a child will tell only their part of the story. If something does not look right, talk to each kid involved to find their version. Keep having the kids go back a step and back a step until you discover the very beginning of the problem. Why did difficult child act that way? Was is because he was provoked or was he really the one to start it? Then work with difficult child to help him recognize what happened and help him figure out when and where he might have been able to make the outcome different. Point out that two wrongs don't make a right and that he should ask you for help if he feels that something is not going right or if he doesn't know how to handle a situation.</p><p> </p><p>It is good that you are open to knowing that your difficult child doesn't always have control or make the best decisions but keep in mind the other kids don't either and with him wanting so much to fit in is he becoming a follower that gets everything dumped on?</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Andy, post: 360594, member: 5096"] I love how you picked up on the other kids doing the same thing but in different ways. That is so true - all kids have their moments and just because difficult children' are sometimes stronger moments doesn't mean they are the only ones learning how to control themselves. The whining, complaining, ect. are classic kid behaviors. It could also be that the neighborhood kids have picked up on the fact that difficult child has a harder time controlling behavior and thus he is an easy target for their blaming. Just say difficult child was behind everything, the adults will believe it. With the adults, I would have another talk with them and explain that you are working on certain behaviors but they will not get changed if you are not aware of them. The adults telling you what they see and hear will only help your with difficult child. When my difficult child was in 5th grade and living through his nightmare of a year, his teacher told me EVERYTHING. She would say, I hate always telling you bad things about your son but the other teachers think it is important that you know every incident. They were correct. I really could not have helped difficult child through that behavior if I didn't know the extent of it. Your adult neighbors need to know that. Give them specific things to look for if you are suspicious of certain behaviors. As for the neighborhood kids, keep an eye out for them using difficult child as the scapgoat. You do know that a child will tell only their part of the story. If something does not look right, talk to each kid involved to find their version. Keep having the kids go back a step and back a step until you discover the very beginning of the problem. Why did difficult child act that way? Was is because he was provoked or was he really the one to start it? Then work with difficult child to help him recognize what happened and help him figure out when and where he might have been able to make the outcome different. Point out that two wrongs don't make a right and that he should ask you for help if he feels that something is not going right or if he doesn't know how to handle a situation. It is good that you are open to knowing that your difficult child doesn't always have control or make the best decisions but keep in mind the other kids don't either and with him wanting so much to fit in is he becoming a follower that gets everything dumped on? [/QUOTE]
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