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Need advice on two things
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<blockquote data-quote="ryzgal" data-source="post: 371128"><p>1) my difficult child 1 feels anything we ask him to do is annoying (chores, going to dinner or movie, play with sister etc) and becomes "enraged" because he feels we are disrespectful of him (please tell me that you warrior parents understand what I am talking about, and I am not sounding like a fruit loop) So, I am wondering if anyone has some ideas? Our counselor suggested for chores, writing a list rather than telling him verbally. My difficult child 1 agreed that he feels better about a list rather than being told what to do. We don't have a suggestion yet on how to help with his rage regarding being asked to do family outings etc.</p><p> </p><p>2) my difficult child 1 turns everything into a irrational debate, to the point in which<strong><em> I </em></strong>feel crazy. He manipulates the convo, changes wording, tries to find "loopholes" (his favorite thing to do as it proves how smart he is), and is relentless in getting me to wear down and agree with what he is demanding. It's like being stuck in a carnival funhouse of mirrors (yeah, not so fun though). He has admitted in counseling that when I am <em>not</em> reacting (angrily) that it infuriates him more, and that he feels like a drug addict must feel. He doesn't want me upset, but his brain is telling him to get me mad to feed a fix in him (I can't tell you how absolutely crushing that was to hear him admit! I am happy he can admit it and be honest, but hearing it is so awful!) So, my problem is I try to stay calm and rational, but my feelings are hurt, and it comes out, I lose Jesus and start yelling and the occasional cussing like a truck driver. Then he gets to be satisfied and say "see, look how awful you are yelling and overreacting, no wonder I am the way I am." or my favorite, "look how messed up you are. how can I get better when you can't even help yourself!" (I finally called a counselor for myself, my own Obsessive Compulsive Disorder (OCD), anxiety, and bipolar--a HUGE step for me) By the end of the argument/discussion/debate/yelling match, I am left guilt ridden, angry, hurt, ashamed etc. </p><p> </p><p>Even typing this I feel very apprehensive and nervous, putting this out there for people to judge me and my child. But I am going to his post, and trust that God brought me to this site for a reason! (I mean no disprespect for anyone who is not a christian, just expressing my own opinion!)</p><p> </p><p>Thanks in advance</p><p> </p><p>Hugs</p><p>Stac</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="ryzgal, post: 371128"] 1) my difficult child 1 feels anything we ask him to do is annoying (chores, going to dinner or movie, play with sister etc) and becomes "enraged" because he feels we are disrespectful of him (please tell me that you warrior parents understand what I am talking about, and I am not sounding like a fruit loop) So, I am wondering if anyone has some ideas? Our counselor suggested for chores, writing a list rather than telling him verbally. My difficult child 1 agreed that he feels better about a list rather than being told what to do. We don't have a suggestion yet on how to help with his rage regarding being asked to do family outings etc. 2) my difficult child 1 turns everything into a irrational debate, to the point in which[B][I] I [/I][/B]feel crazy. He manipulates the convo, changes wording, tries to find "loopholes" (his favorite thing to do as it proves how smart he is), and is relentless in getting me to wear down and agree with what he is demanding. It's like being stuck in a carnival funhouse of mirrors (yeah, not so fun though). He has admitted in counseling that when I am [I]not[/I] reacting (angrily) that it infuriates him more, and that he feels like a drug addict must feel. He doesn't want me upset, but his brain is telling him to get me mad to feed a fix in him (I can't tell you how absolutely crushing that was to hear him admit! I am happy he can admit it and be honest, but hearing it is so awful!) So, my problem is I try to stay calm and rational, but my feelings are hurt, and it comes out, I lose Jesus and start yelling and the occasional cussing like a truck driver. Then he gets to be satisfied and say "see, look how awful you are yelling and overreacting, no wonder I am the way I am." or my favorite, "look how messed up you are. how can I get better when you can't even help yourself!" (I finally called a counselor for myself, my own Obsessive Compulsive Disorder (OCD), anxiety, and bipolar--a HUGE step for me) By the end of the argument/discussion/debate/yelling match, I am left guilt ridden, angry, hurt, ashamed etc. Even typing this I feel very apprehensive and nervous, putting this out there for people to judge me and my child. But I am going to his post, and trust that God brought me to this site for a reason! (I mean no disprespect for anyone who is not a christian, just expressing my own opinion!) Thanks in advance Hugs Stac [/QUOTE]
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