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Need advice on two things
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<blockquote data-quote="toughlovin" data-source="post: 371154"><p>Oh our sons sound very familiar!!! I totally get it and totally sympathize.</p><p></p><p>I would suggest calmly creating a list of chores he needs to do and having some consequence if they don't get done... such as computer time or tv doesn't happen until they are done etc. It will make him mad.... so be sure to have your emotional armor on and just be calm. I find if I stay calm in situations like this things go much much better.</p><p></p><p>And I don't always stay calm. That is always my goal but one that I blew a LOT. I did start therapy and that helped me immensely. The thing is when you lose your cool then they can blame you for their bad behavior and it takes the focus off them. So it is just plain more effective to keep your cool. When you are about to lose it, walk away until you can calm down. And therapy helps in this.</p><p></p><p>I speak somewhat in the past tense because my difficult child is now out of the house. We kicked him out, as he is now 18 and was flagrantly violating any and all rules and threatened us. But when he was 14 he was doing just what you describe. </p><p></p><p>So you are not a fruit loop or crazy.... just trying to manage a defiant rebellious kid and it is just plain hard.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="toughlovin, post: 371154"] Oh our sons sound very familiar!!! I totally get it and totally sympathize. I would suggest calmly creating a list of chores he needs to do and having some consequence if they don't get done... such as computer time or tv doesn't happen until they are done etc. It will make him mad.... so be sure to have your emotional armor on and just be calm. I find if I stay calm in situations like this things go much much better. And I don't always stay calm. That is always my goal but one that I blew a LOT. I did start therapy and that helped me immensely. The thing is when you lose your cool then they can blame you for their bad behavior and it takes the focus off them. So it is just plain more effective to keep your cool. When you are about to lose it, walk away until you can calm down. And therapy helps in this. I speak somewhat in the past tense because my difficult child is now out of the house. We kicked him out, as he is now 18 and was flagrantly violating any and all rules and threatened us. But when he was 14 he was doing just what you describe. So you are not a fruit loop or crazy.... just trying to manage a defiant rebellious kid and it is just plain hard. [/QUOTE]
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