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Need advice on two things
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<blockquote data-quote="slsh" data-source="post: 371160" data-attributes="member: 8"><p>LOL, Stac. You are most definitely *not* a fruit loop. Your kid sounds like mine, from about age 1-1/2 until... I dunno, I don't think it's over yet.<img src="data:image/gif;base64,R0lGODlhAQABAIAAAAAAAP///yH5BAEAAAAALAAAAAABAAEAAAIBRAA7" class="smilie smilie--sprite smilie--sprite2" alt=";)" title="Wink ;)" loading="lazy" data-shortname=";)" /> We are absolutely not going to judge you - we all deal/have dealt with some pretty Twilight Zone stuff.</p><p></p><p>I was much more successful dealing with- your second problem. What it boils down to, and what I think your difficult child has admitted to in counseling, is power. The power to control the conversation, to push your buttons, to be in control while sending you completely over the edge. been there done that. I wasn't born with- the most even of temperaments, and by the time difficult child hit 6, I had turned into a lunatic screamer. When I finally figured out that he wasn't arguing grass was purple because he believed it, but because he knew it would frustrate me no end and cause me to completely lose any sanity I had left, I got it. The trick is to not engage, no matter how much he tries to escalate things. Suz calls it the bobble-head, and I can't think of a better description. Grass is purple? Yes, dear, un-hunh. Sky is orange? Yep, okay. I'm very competitive by nature and I had to rewire my thinking so that what became most important was maintaining my own self-control, not getting him to admit that his behavior and/or statements were ridiculous. It took a lot of practice and I occasionally slipped, but I don't think I've had a screaming mimi fit since he was 13. And the last one? Was over something really stupid and I did feel bad that I lost it, but we also have to cut ourselves some slack sometimes too. It's really challenging living with- a kid who gets such incredible reinforcement when we lose control. Torture, in my humble opinion.</p><p></p><p>I don't have a lot of experience with the first problem because my kid has been out of the house for so long. I think the list idea sounds good. I know my kid just bristled when I made any request at all. I once asked him to brush his teeth, and he turned around and took a heck of a swing at me. Had he connected, I'm sure I would have been down for the count. But it was something about me making any request at all that really set him off. Major trigger.</p><p></p><p>The family outing stuff ... again, not much experience with- that, at least with- a difficult child. But I know that my youngest son (15) is not real happy when we try to initiate a family outing or family time together. He's really very much a easy child, but isn't crazy about spending a whole lot of time with- us. He'll do it, but is kinda cranky about it. I think it's probably typical teen (typical teen) kind of stuff. </p><p></p><p>Hang in there.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="slsh, post: 371160, member: 8"] LOL, Stac. You are most definitely *not* a fruit loop. Your kid sounds like mine, from about age 1-1/2 until... I dunno, I don't think it's over yet.:winking: We are absolutely not going to judge you - we all deal/have dealt with some pretty Twilight Zone stuff. I was much more successful dealing with- your second problem. What it boils down to, and what I think your difficult child has admitted to in counseling, is power. The power to control the conversation, to push your buttons, to be in control while sending you completely over the edge. been there done that. I wasn't born with- the most even of temperaments, and by the time difficult child hit 6, I had turned into a lunatic screamer. When I finally figured out that he wasn't arguing grass was purple because he believed it, but because he knew it would frustrate me no end and cause me to completely lose any sanity I had left, I got it. The trick is to not engage, no matter how much he tries to escalate things. Suz calls it the bobble-head, and I can't think of a better description. Grass is purple? Yes, dear, un-hunh. Sky is orange? Yep, okay. I'm very competitive by nature and I had to rewire my thinking so that what became most important was maintaining my own self-control, not getting him to admit that his behavior and/or statements were ridiculous. It took a lot of practice and I occasionally slipped, but I don't think I've had a screaming mimi fit since he was 13. And the last one? Was over something really stupid and I did feel bad that I lost it, but we also have to cut ourselves some slack sometimes too. It's really challenging living with- a kid who gets such incredible reinforcement when we lose control. Torture, in my humble opinion. I don't have a lot of experience with the first problem because my kid has been out of the house for so long. I think the list idea sounds good. I know my kid just bristled when I made any request at all. I once asked him to brush his teeth, and he turned around and took a heck of a swing at me. Had he connected, I'm sure I would have been down for the count. But it was something about me making any request at all that really set him off. Major trigger. The family outing stuff ... again, not much experience with- that, at least with- a difficult child. But I know that my youngest son (15) is not real happy when we try to initiate a family outing or family time together. He's really very much a easy child, but isn't crazy about spending a whole lot of time with- us. He'll do it, but is kinda cranky about it. I think it's probably typical teen (typical teen) kind of stuff. Hang in there. [/QUOTE]
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