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NEED ADVICE talked to difficult child's PO today!
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<blockquote data-quote="witzend" data-source="post: 13663" data-attributes="member: 99"><p>[ QUOTE ]</p><p>I often think about Janet's and Ant's story. It was not until Janet brought Ant home and gave him the support system he needed that he began to really turn around. I openly admit that Ant had come a much longer way before Janet brough him home than my difficult child has come but the beautiful posts she has been making have given me much to think about and also much hope. -RM </p><p></p><p>[/ QUOTE ]</p><p></p><p>I'd like to remind you that Ant spent - what was it, Janet - two years in jail before he came home, and that was his choice. And how many times did Janet bail him out and let him come back home before society finally said enough was enough? And how awful did Janet feel? As I recall Ant's behavior was atrocious. But - and you can correct me if I'm wrong - he never beat her. He <em>did</em> get in drunken brawls and endangered many lives with his drunk driving. He terrified everyone around him with his behavior towards his girlfriend and his son. But the bottom line as far as comparing your difficult child's situation with Ant's is, after burning every bridge he had Ant got over his BS pride that he wasn't going to play <em>their</em> game anymore, admitted he was wrong and <em>asked</em> for help. Your difficult child has not.</p><p></p><p>I've thought some more about what you posted, and I would run away and not look back at this. This is an opportunity for you and for him for him to straighten up his life because he <em>has to</em>. He's had a hissy fit in prison, not done what he could for himself to get himself out early, then he and his PO expect you to let him out early anyway to go live with you with absolutely no plan whatsoever other than you are the fall guy.</p><p></p><p>I think that all of us know that our kids have good qualities. But what happens if you and husband get run over by a mack truck tomorrow. Will difficult child have the ability to keep himself out of trouble? You are not letting him learn for himself if you let him come home right now. Will they keep him for his full sentence? Maybe. Maybe not. Maybe he'll get his head out of his hoo-haw and realize that these are his choices, not yours. </p><p></p><p>Whose fault is it that it's not in the court file that he was high when he beat you? His. Maybe he will learn that if he tells the truth at least he can ask for help. Being a drunk who beats your mom is nothing to brag about. But being a psycho who does it because they felt like it is <em>way</em> worse. What does he think society does with people like that? There's not much you can do with them, so he might as well admit that he has a substance abuse problem and ask for help. If he doesn't, the substance abuse becomes an excuse to behave that way and there is no help (and no sympathy) for him.</p><p></p><p>Just as his PO can ask the court to make conditions of his release, you can as well. Why should you make a plan for his release? It's his release, not yours. Let him make a plan and if you think you want to try it, I say go for it. But everyone needs to know that one single instance of misbehavior and you kick his behind out, change the locks, and let his PO know he's not at your house anymore. Just as the PO would if he violated the terms of his parole.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="witzend, post: 13663, member: 99"] [ QUOTE ] I often think about Janet's and Ant's story. It was not until Janet brought Ant home and gave him the support system he needed that he began to really turn around. I openly admit that Ant had come a much longer way before Janet brough him home than my difficult child has come but the beautiful posts she has been making have given me much to think about and also much hope. -RM [/ QUOTE ] I'd like to remind you that Ant spent - what was it, Janet - two years in jail before he came home, and that was his choice. And how many times did Janet bail him out and let him come back home before society finally said enough was enough? And how awful did Janet feel? As I recall Ant's behavior was atrocious. But - and you can correct me if I'm wrong - he never beat her. He [i]did[/i] get in drunken brawls and endangered many lives with his drunk driving. He terrified everyone around him with his behavior towards his girlfriend and his son. But the bottom line as far as comparing your difficult child's situation with Ant's is, after burning every bridge he had Ant got over his BS pride that he wasn't going to play [i]their[/i] game anymore, admitted he was wrong and [i]asked[/i] for help. Your difficult child has not. I've thought some more about what you posted, and I would run away and not look back at this. This is an opportunity for you and for him for him to straighten up his life because he [i]has to[/i]. He's had a hissy fit in prison, not done what he could for himself to get himself out early, then he and his PO expect you to let him out early anyway to go live with you with absolutely no plan whatsoever other than you are the fall guy. I think that all of us know that our kids have good qualities. But what happens if you and husband get run over by a mack truck tomorrow. Will difficult child have the ability to keep himself out of trouble? You are not letting him learn for himself if you let him come home right now. Will they keep him for his full sentence? Maybe. Maybe not. Maybe he'll get his head out of his hoo-haw and realize that these are his choices, not yours. Whose fault is it that it's not in the court file that he was high when he beat you? His. Maybe he will learn that if he tells the truth at least he can ask for help. Being a drunk who beats your mom is nothing to brag about. But being a psycho who does it because they felt like it is [i]way[/i] worse. What does he think society does with people like that? There's not much you can do with them, so he might as well admit that he has a substance abuse problem and ask for help. If he doesn't, the substance abuse becomes an excuse to behave that way and there is no help (and no sympathy) for him. Just as his PO can ask the court to make conditions of his release, you can as well. Why should you make a plan for his release? It's his release, not yours. Let him make a plan and if you think you want to try it, I say go for it. But everyone needs to know that one single instance of misbehavior and you kick his behind out, change the locks, and let his PO know he's not at your house anymore. Just as the PO would if he violated the terms of his parole. [/QUOTE]
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