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General Parenting
Need advice with what appears to be PASSIVE oppositional defiance disorder
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<blockquote data-quote="sbateman" data-source="post: 411835" data-attributes="member: 11319"><p>Thanks to everyone for their comments.</p><p> </p><p>I think that everyone has something valid to say, and really nothing that I haven't considered already. I agree that there could and probably are attachment issues aswell. The problem as always is trying to help my child without encouraging 'helplessness'. I asked the psychiatrist, whether I should allow her to roll-back to being a 'baby'.......I fear that this would encourage her more, and disable her. He said that she needs to go forward, to learn at school and keep up with the others as best as possible.</p><p> </p><p>her history is this: Alcoholic young mother, who neglected and often left her abandonned while she went on drinking binges, or was passed out on the floor...until child was 3.5 and apprehended by the authorities. Entered the orphanage in a pretty wild condition, but settled well into the orphanage life, I'd say that she enjoyed it there (reliable food source, attention, warmth etc). Played up in the orphanage by deliberately soiling her bed (so I'm told).</p><p> </p><p>5 moves in a year.....spent 2 months in hospital before being adopted, where I was told she would also just stare at the nurse and deliberately soil her bed while doing so.....if she was told to do something that she didn't want to do.</p><p> </p><p>Yes, there is a lot going on for her.</p><p> </p><p>But I do not want her to learn to be treated 'sympathetically' at school, with the result that she runs the entire class and learns nothing, with the teacher pulling out her hair. She has no respect for even the principle or vice principle. She is now 6. Adopted at age 4.5.</p><p> </p><p>Sure, she needs attention and loving, but she also needs to learn, and not get away with being disruptive, then taken off to the staff room to be allowed to wash the teachers dishes (yes, this has happened).</p><p> </p><p>As I am trying to type this. she is trying to get my attaention, turning lights on and off........so sure, she needs attention. But she also needs to put her boots/clothes on......and it's not doing her any favours to 'act' like she does not know what she is doing for attention....because people believe that that is the way that she really is. I just sat her down and she did successfully did her phonics, a dot to dot, and practiced writing her letters....and she felt good about herself, and is now being co-operative. So one-on-one attention def pays off. I do feel that because she gets away with things at school (1 teacher to 20 kids) she thinks she can bring that home. Yep, it's complex, so i do appreciate your comments and advice, and to have finally found a group that I can talk to !!!!! (I'm not crazy after all then - lol !)</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="sbateman, post: 411835, member: 11319"] Thanks to everyone for their comments. I think that everyone has something valid to say, and really nothing that I haven't considered already. I agree that there could and probably are attachment issues aswell. The problem as always is trying to help my child without encouraging 'helplessness'. I asked the psychiatrist, whether I should allow her to roll-back to being a 'baby'.......I fear that this would encourage her more, and disable her. He said that she needs to go forward, to learn at school and keep up with the others as best as possible. her history is this: Alcoholic young mother, who neglected and often left her abandonned while she went on drinking binges, or was passed out on the floor...until child was 3.5 and apprehended by the authorities. Entered the orphanage in a pretty wild condition, but settled well into the orphanage life, I'd say that she enjoyed it there (reliable food source, attention, warmth etc). Played up in the orphanage by deliberately soiling her bed (so I'm told). 5 moves in a year.....spent 2 months in hospital before being adopted, where I was told she would also just stare at the nurse and deliberately soil her bed while doing so.....if she was told to do something that she didn't want to do. Yes, there is a lot going on for her. But I do not want her to learn to be treated 'sympathetically' at school, with the result that she runs the entire class and learns nothing, with the teacher pulling out her hair. She has no respect for even the principle or vice principle. She is now 6. Adopted at age 4.5. Sure, she needs attention and loving, but she also needs to learn, and not get away with being disruptive, then taken off to the staff room to be allowed to wash the teachers dishes (yes, this has happened). As I am trying to type this. she is trying to get my attaention, turning lights on and off........so sure, she needs attention. But she also needs to put her boots/clothes on......and it's not doing her any favours to 'act' like she does not know what she is doing for attention....because people believe that that is the way that she really is. I just sat her down and she did successfully did her phonics, a dot to dot, and practiced writing her letters....and she felt good about herself, and is now being co-operative. So one-on-one attention def pays off. I do feel that because she gets away with things at school (1 teacher to 20 kids) she thinks she can bring that home. Yep, it's complex, so i do appreciate your comments and advice, and to have finally found a group that I can talk to !!!!! (I'm not crazy after all then - lol !) [/QUOTE]
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Need advice with what appears to be PASSIVE oppositional defiance disorder
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