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General Parenting
Need advice with what appears to be PASSIVE oppositional defiance disorder
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<blockquote data-quote="Malika" data-source="post: 411914" data-attributes="member: 11227"><p>I do echo what seems to be the sound advice of Midwest Mom, based on much experience.</p><p>Just another thought that occurred to me (two actually!) First, do you talk to your little girl about what happened to her, about the mother she lost (pretty huge an experience and a loss, I would have thought) and about your taking into your lives? What country is she from? Has she also lost contact with that culture? The wise literature on the subject seems to concur that one needs to acknowledge the child's natural and inevitable grief for the mother that has been lost, that has "abandoned" the child. I think we really cannot imagine what this experience is like for a child. Maybe there is some mileage to be had in thinking how remarkably well your little girl is doing, given the circumstances... I really I am not trying to evoke "pity" for your child... but she does need to be understood, I would have thought, if she is to be truly helped.</p><p>The second thought that occurs to me is the wonderful intelligence of the unconscious mind... because it sounds like she has become more "troublesome" of late, as she is starting to go into an environment of learning rather than play at school. And this makes sense to me... She is being asked to do something cold, intellectual, without the warmth and creativity of "play"... and now she chooses, unconsciously, to regress. She is not ready for it, she is perhaps saying in the very graphic language of "acting up". This business of intellectual learning and performance does not matter to her. Why should it matter to her? I am just guessing here, obviously, imagining myself in the place of a six year old in her position (as far as I can). </p><p>I think she needs to heal through play! Plenty of time for all the serious stuff later, when she is better able to handle it...</p><p>Hope this doesn't seem interfering or off-key. This whole subject of adopted children and attachment problems obviously interests me...</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Malika, post: 411914, member: 11227"] I do echo what seems to be the sound advice of Midwest Mom, based on much experience. Just another thought that occurred to me (two actually!) First, do you talk to your little girl about what happened to her, about the mother she lost (pretty huge an experience and a loss, I would have thought) and about your taking into your lives? What country is she from? Has she also lost contact with that culture? The wise literature on the subject seems to concur that one needs to acknowledge the child's natural and inevitable grief for the mother that has been lost, that has "abandoned" the child. I think we really cannot imagine what this experience is like for a child. Maybe there is some mileage to be had in thinking how remarkably well your little girl is doing, given the circumstances... I really I am not trying to evoke "pity" for your child... but she does need to be understood, I would have thought, if she is to be truly helped. The second thought that occurs to me is the wonderful intelligence of the unconscious mind... because it sounds like she has become more "troublesome" of late, as she is starting to go into an environment of learning rather than play at school. And this makes sense to me... She is being asked to do something cold, intellectual, without the warmth and creativity of "play"... and now she chooses, unconsciously, to regress. She is not ready for it, she is perhaps saying in the very graphic language of "acting up". This business of intellectual learning and performance does not matter to her. Why should it matter to her? I am just guessing here, obviously, imagining myself in the place of a six year old in her position (as far as I can). I think she needs to heal through play! Plenty of time for all the serious stuff later, when she is better able to handle it... Hope this doesn't seem interfering or off-key. This whole subject of adopted children and attachment problems obviously interests me... [/QUOTE]
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Need advice with what appears to be PASSIVE oppositional defiance disorder
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