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<blockquote data-quote="WiltedFlower" data-source="post: 381154"><p><span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman'"><span style="font-size: 12px">Need some advice. This is very very long thanks for reading!</span></span></p><p> </p><p><span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman'"><span style="font-size: 12px">I have been a member of this site off and on for a long time under different user names. Now my step-children are both out of the home....but still our children. My GFGSD is turning 18 in two weeks. She is a Reactive Attachment Disorder (RAD) child with various other mental issues, and we have gone through the wringer with her. Everything possible that could happen, has.</span></span></p><p> </p><p><span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman'"><span style="font-size: 12px">My husband and I have raised her from the time he split with BM at the age of 5. Around 15, she made a false report of abuse against me (the second one) and we decided to have her go live with BM which has been a disaster of huge proportions. Prior to leaving our home, we experienced the manipulation, stealing, lying, sneaking out, drug use (minor compared to the other things) and heaven knows what else we never knew. She had been suspended from school several times and there was a suicide attempt and hospital stay at the age of 14. She has been in therapy from the age of six and on various medications throughout her life. She in no way wants to help herself and is very much an instant gratification/impulsive person (which is a disaster!).</span></span></p><p> </p><p><span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman'"><span style="font-size: 12px">After living with her BM for about a year (where she had run away, caused them to be evicted from their home, was suspended from two schools and was arrested for shoplifting), I tried to help by getting her into a youth challenge program for at-risk youth. She was very enthusiastic but only lasted a couple weeks...again didnt want to work for anything.</span></span></p><p> </p><p><span style="font-size: 12px"><span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman'">So, after that we agreed to have her live in our home again. This was July of last year. By October, she had been suspended from the alternative high school we had her enrolled in, was planning on moving out of the home with a friend so they could live on their own (with us supporting her of course). She was stealing things from us, manipulating and lying as usual. Not to mention the absolute mess in her room including empty cans of food (eaten cold from the can) and other health hazards. </span></span></p><p> </p><p><span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman'"><span style="font-size: 12px">It came to a head when she stole her brothers (who was in Army boot camp at the time) digital camera. We said she was going back to her BM she said no I will not go back there, I am leaving her Dad said Fine she left. </span></span></p><p> </p><p><span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman'"><span style="font-size: 12px">There begins the last chapter. She goes to stay with a friend and then tries to enroll in a public high school, tells them she is homeless and her father kicked her out. She ends up in the System and husband and BM are charged with abandonment! (which is a whole other story but now we owe the state about $10,000 for her care) She remains in the system until last April when she finally goes back to BM (who has had full physical and legal custody of her since she was 15). She has not been back in school until a few weeks ago and is already suspended, no job, no drivers license, had an affair with a married 33 year old man, is doing drugs (cause it helps to calm her but she wont take her regular medications). Five trips to the hospital two resulting in 3 or more day stay. Non-compliant with medications....and...</span></span></p><p> </p><p><span style="font-size: 12px"><span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman'">She wants to come live with us as her BM is kicking her out when she is 18. </span></span></p><p> </p><p><span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman'"><span style="font-size: 12px">She will get some services from the state as she was in the system but she needs to be in School working towards a diploma or GED but how can she do that if she keeps getting suspended (all of which is not her fault, of course). </span></span></p><p> </p><p><span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman'"><span style="font-size: 12px">My Mommy heart wants to bring her into our home and fix everything. My heart thinks I will get a completely different kid one that wants to work towards being a responsible adult and do the right thing. But my brain knows I will get GFGSD and all the problems/issues included and she just wants me to fix it for doesnt want to do any work and doesnt think she should have to.</span></span></p><p> </p><p><span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman'"><span style="font-size: 12px">She is scared now cause 18 is right around the corner and she is so not prepared. She may have a place to stay with a friend from her Church (the church people think her parents have abandoned her and are horrible...she is such a good liar/manipulator!) but really nothing for sure or permanent. I dont know what to do should we just let her be homeless? My husband is SO against having her in our home due to the stress and havoc she causes not to mention the stealing us blind and eating us out of house and home. He is also very concerned about the drugs (as am I).</span></span></p><p> </p><p><span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman'"><span style="font-size: 12px">Suggestions? She has only been back in our home two or three times since she left last October. husband is so against it due to her sneaky behavior. The state sees him as being unsupportive of GFGSD...it is so frustrating that they know all her tricks but still tell us she is your daughter and you have to do this and that but where does the support end and the enabling start?</span></span></p><p> </p><p><span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman'"><span style="font-size: 12px">Cyn</span></span></p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="WiltedFlower, post: 381154"] [FONT=Times New Roman][SIZE=3]Need some advice. This is very very long thanks for reading![/SIZE][/FONT] [FONT=Times New Roman][SIZE=3] [/SIZE][/FONT] [FONT=Times New Roman][SIZE=3]I have been a member of this site off and on for a long time under different user names. Now my step-children are both out of the home....but still our children. My GFGSD is turning 18 in two weeks. She is a Reactive Attachment Disorder (RAD) child with various other mental issues, and we have gone through the wringer with her. Everything possible that could happen, has.[/SIZE][/FONT] [FONT=Times New Roman][SIZE=3] [/SIZE][/FONT] [FONT=Times New Roman][SIZE=3]My husband and I have raised her from the time he split with BM at the age of 5. Around 15, she made a false report of abuse against me (the second one) and we decided to have her go live with BM which has been a disaster of huge proportions. Prior to leaving our home, we experienced the manipulation, stealing, lying, sneaking out, drug use (minor compared to the other things) and heaven knows what else we never knew. She had been suspended from school several times and there was a suicide attempt and hospital stay at the age of 14. She has been in therapy from the age of six and on various medications throughout her life. She in no way wants to help herself and is very much an instant gratification/impulsive person (which is a disaster!).[/SIZE][/FONT] [FONT=Times New Roman][SIZE=3] [/SIZE][/FONT] [FONT=Times New Roman][SIZE=3]After living with her BM for about a year (where she had run away, caused them to be evicted from their home, was suspended from two schools and was arrested for shoplifting), I tried to help by getting her into a youth challenge program for at-risk youth. She was very enthusiastic but only lasted a couple weeks...again didnt want to work for anything.[/SIZE][/FONT] [FONT=Times New Roman][SIZE=3] [/SIZE][/FONT] [SIZE=3][FONT=Times New Roman]So, after that we agreed to have her live in our home again. This was July of last year. By October, she had been suspended from the alternative high school we had her enrolled in, was planning on moving out of the home with a friend so they could live on their own (with us supporting her of course). She was stealing things from us, manipulating and lying as usual. Not to mention the absolute mess in her room including empty cans of food (eaten cold from the can) and other health hazards. [/FONT][/SIZE] [FONT=Times New Roman][SIZE=3] [/SIZE][/FONT] [FONT=Times New Roman][SIZE=3]It came to a head when she stole her brothers (who was in Army boot camp at the time) digital camera. We said she was going back to her BM she said no I will not go back there, I am leaving her Dad said Fine she left. [/SIZE][/FONT] [FONT=Times New Roman][SIZE=3] [/SIZE][/FONT] [FONT=Times New Roman][SIZE=3]There begins the last chapter. She goes to stay with a friend and then tries to enroll in a public high school, tells them she is homeless and her father kicked her out. She ends up in the System and husband and BM are charged with abandonment! (which is a whole other story but now we owe the state about $10,000 for her care) She remains in the system until last April when she finally goes back to BM (who has had full physical and legal custody of her since she was 15). She has not been back in school until a few weeks ago and is already suspended, no job, no drivers license, had an affair with a married 33 year old man, is doing drugs (cause it helps to calm her but she wont take her regular medications). Five trips to the hospital two resulting in 3 or more day stay. Non-compliant with medications....and...[/SIZE][/FONT] [FONT=Times New Roman][SIZE=3] [/SIZE][/FONT] [SIZE=3][FONT=Times New Roman]She wants to come live with us as her BM is kicking her out when she is 18. [/FONT][/SIZE] [FONT=Times New Roman][SIZE=3] [/SIZE][/FONT] [FONT=Times New Roman][SIZE=3]She will get some services from the state as she was in the system but she needs to be in School working towards a diploma or GED but how can she do that if she keeps getting suspended (all of which is not her fault, of course). [/SIZE][/FONT] [FONT=Times New Roman][SIZE=3] [/SIZE][/FONT] [FONT=Times New Roman][SIZE=3]My Mommy heart wants to bring her into our home and fix everything. My heart thinks I will get a completely different kid one that wants to work towards being a responsible adult and do the right thing. But my brain knows I will get GFGSD and all the problems/issues included and she just wants me to fix it for doesnt want to do any work and doesnt think she should have to.[/SIZE][/FONT] [FONT=Times New Roman][SIZE=3] [/SIZE][/FONT] [FONT=Times New Roman][SIZE=3]She is scared now cause 18 is right around the corner and she is so not prepared. She may have a place to stay with a friend from her Church (the church people think her parents have abandoned her and are horrible...she is such a good liar/manipulator!) but really nothing for sure or permanent. I dont know what to do should we just let her be homeless? My husband is SO against having her in our home due to the stress and havoc she causes not to mention the stealing us blind and eating us out of house and home. He is also very concerned about the drugs (as am I).[/SIZE][/FONT] [FONT=Times New Roman][SIZE=3] [/SIZE][/FONT] [FONT=Times New Roman][SIZE=3]Suggestions? She has only been back in our home two or three times since she left last October. husband is so against it due to her sneaky behavior. The state sees him as being unsupportive of GFGSD...it is so frustrating that they know all her tricks but still tell us she is your daughter and you have to do this and that but where does the support end and the enabling start?[/SIZE][/FONT] [FONT=Times New Roman][SIZE=3][/SIZE][/FONT] [FONT=Times New Roman][SIZE=3]Cyn[/SIZE][/FONT] [/QUOTE]
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