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<blockquote data-quote="Childofmine" data-source="post: 620448" data-attributes="member: 17542"><p>MSA, I am glad you are here and hope you will find help and strength here like I have. I've only been on this board a couple of months but I find it invaluable, along with my Al-Anon program. </p><p></p><p>I have made a lot of progress, using both tools to the fullest extent I can, even in the past six weeks. I am able today to make decisions I could not have made before, for the benefit of myself and my son, who is 24 years old. I don't know where he is right now.</p><p></p><p>One of the first things I had to work on was the statement above, made by MWM. </p><p></p><p>I actually somehow believed we were one and the same---my son and I. I couldn't separate us. If he was sad, I was sad. If he was happy, I was happy. </p><p></p><p>You know that saying: You're only as happy as your most unhappy child. ?? </p><p></p><p>It doesn't have to be true. As enablers, it is true. But it doesn't have to be, with hard work.</p><p></p><p>Once they are adults, even if they aren't difficult children, we have to learn to let our children go. I have a 28yo son who is a easy child. I have had to learn how to let him go as well.</p><p></p><p>And it's all a process. It's a back and forth, up and down, two steps forward and five back process. It takes a lot of hard work and using available tools on a daily basis. Here are some I use:</p><p></p><p>1. Al-Anon ---I go to between two and four meetings a week. I read Al-Anon literature (lots of great books, daily devotionals, a monthly magazine). I have a sponsor. I talk to other AlAnon members by phone between meetings. I work the program of Al-Anon. AlAnon is free and there are meetings in virtually every town in the U.S. and in other countries as well. It is incredible. </p><p></p><p>2. This board. This board has helped me a lot. I read a lot on the board and I post a lot myself. Telling the truth is cathartic. Hearing others' stories is the same. I get so much reinforcement and strength here. Take what you like, always, and leave the rest. You are the only person who can know what is right for you, today. </p><p></p><p>3. Prayer, church and meditation. I do all of them. I want to do more work with meditation. That is one of my goals.</p><p></p><p>4. Doing something for somebody else. Getting outside my own situation, my own head, my own little pity party, and remembering and realizing that many other people have much more to deal with than I do. I make dinners for other people who are going through a hard time---one thing I do. </p><p></p><p>5. Exercise. I work out five days a week. </p><p></p><p>6. Reading other books like Melody Beattie's CoDependent No More. Beattie is a recovering alcoholic and drug addict. She lost a child some years ago in an accident. She is a great writer and tells it like it is. She also has written daily devotionals and other books. I have several of her books. Another book is Cloud and Townsend's Boundaries. I go back to this book over and over again. I have given it to a lot of people as well.</p><p></p><p>I hope some of these tools are things you can try. Prayers and strength for you from me today. Keep coming back. There is help, and there is hope.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Childofmine, post: 620448, member: 17542"] MSA, I am glad you are here and hope you will find help and strength here like I have. I've only been on this board a couple of months but I find it invaluable, along with my Al-Anon program. I have made a lot of progress, using both tools to the fullest extent I can, even in the past six weeks. I am able today to make decisions I could not have made before, for the benefit of myself and my son, who is 24 years old. I don't know where he is right now. One of the first things I had to work on was the statement above, made by MWM. I actually somehow believed we were one and the same---my son and I. I couldn't separate us. If he was sad, I was sad. If he was happy, I was happy. You know that saying: You're only as happy as your most unhappy child. ?? It doesn't have to be true. As enablers, it is true. But it doesn't have to be, with hard work. Once they are adults, even if they aren't difficult children, we have to learn to let our children go. I have a 28yo son who is a easy child. I have had to learn how to let him go as well. And it's all a process. It's a back and forth, up and down, two steps forward and five back process. It takes a lot of hard work and using available tools on a daily basis. Here are some I use: 1. Al-Anon ---I go to between two and four meetings a week. I read Al-Anon literature (lots of great books, daily devotionals, a monthly magazine). I have a sponsor. I talk to other AlAnon members by phone between meetings. I work the program of Al-Anon. AlAnon is free and there are meetings in virtually every town in the U.S. and in other countries as well. It is incredible. 2. This board. This board has helped me a lot. I read a lot on the board and I post a lot myself. Telling the truth is cathartic. Hearing others' stories is the same. I get so much reinforcement and strength here. Take what you like, always, and leave the rest. You are the only person who can know what is right for you, today. 3. Prayer, church and meditation. I do all of them. I want to do more work with meditation. That is one of my goals. 4. Doing something for somebody else. Getting outside my own situation, my own head, my own little pity party, and remembering and realizing that many other people have much more to deal with than I do. I make dinners for other people who are going through a hard time---one thing I do. 5. Exercise. I work out five days a week. 6. Reading other books like Melody Beattie's CoDependent No More. Beattie is a recovering alcoholic and drug addict. She lost a child some years ago in an accident. She is a great writer and tells it like it is. She also has written daily devotionals and other books. I have several of her books. Another book is Cloud and Townsend's Boundaries. I go back to this book over and over again. I have given it to a lot of people as well. I hope some of these tools are things you can try. Prayers and strength for you from me today. Keep coming back. There is help, and there is hope. [/QUOTE]
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