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<blockquote data-quote="toughlovin" data-source="post: 620470" data-attributes="member: 15801"><p>I am glad you found us.... sorry you had to. You have gotten some excellent advice here, all of which I agree with. She is an adult now.... no matter what mistakes you made as a parent (and we all make them) she is now responsible for her own life. Her drug addiction is NOT your fault and dont buy into that faulty way of thinking. Sometimes when I go down that guilt ridden path in my head I have to just remind myself to stop it... and the past is past and we can only look towards the future. She is responsible for her own future and she is the one that will make (or not) her path.</p><p></p><p>I agree with the need to detach..... but that does not necessarily mean cutting off all contact forever. One of the best pieces of advice I got when we kicked my son out of the house when he was 18... was to stay in touch with him, let him know we love him but that does not mean letting him come back. And so that is what I have done.... when he has been using then I have stepped back and do not help him.... when he has wanted help and been willing to go to rehab then I have helped him.</p><p></p><p>Its a long journey... and we have had many twists and turns but when my son has been in trouble and wanted real concrete help he has always called me. And I have helped him get help. For me that has been important because i know he knows we love him no matter what happens. He also knows now, after we let him be on the streets for several months, that we will not help him do the wrong things. </p><p></p><p>And when he has been verbally abusive to me I usually leave the situation. </p><p></p><p>So no dont take her abuse.... if she is telling you how this is all your fault and harranguing you then tell her you wont talk to her until she is respectful to you and hang up the phone. </p><p></p><p>Do take a break from her and wait awhile before making contact with you....but after a while when you are ready it is alright to let her know you love her. I know for me I did want to make it easy for my son to reach out to me when he was ready for help.... and if I had cut off all contact with him completely I think he would not have done that.</p><p></p><p>TL</p><p></p><p></p><p>Sent using ConductDisorders mobile app</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="toughlovin, post: 620470, member: 15801"] I am glad you found us.... sorry you had to. You have gotten some excellent advice here, all of which I agree with. She is an adult now.... no matter what mistakes you made as a parent (and we all make them) she is now responsible for her own life. Her drug addiction is NOT your fault and dont buy into that faulty way of thinking. Sometimes when I go down that guilt ridden path in my head I have to just remind myself to stop it... and the past is past and we can only look towards the future. She is responsible for her own future and she is the one that will make (or not) her path. I agree with the need to detach..... but that does not necessarily mean cutting off all contact forever. One of the best pieces of advice I got when we kicked my son out of the house when he was 18... was to stay in touch with him, let him know we love him but that does not mean letting him come back. And so that is what I have done.... when he has been using then I have stepped back and do not help him.... when he has wanted help and been willing to go to rehab then I have helped him. Its a long journey... and we have had many twists and turns but when my son has been in trouble and wanted real concrete help he has always called me. And I have helped him get help. For me that has been important because i know he knows we love him no matter what happens. He also knows now, after we let him be on the streets for several months, that we will not help him do the wrong things. And when he has been verbally abusive to me I usually leave the situation. So no dont take her abuse.... if she is telling you how this is all your fault and harranguing you then tell her you wont talk to her until she is respectful to you and hang up the phone. Do take a break from her and wait awhile before making contact with you....but after a while when you are ready it is alright to let her know you love her. I know for me I did want to make it easy for my son to reach out to me when he was ready for help.... and if I had cut off all contact with him completely I think he would not have done that. TL Sent using ConductDisorders mobile app [/QUOTE]
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