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<blockquote data-quote="Childofmine" data-source="post: 621127" data-attributes="member: 17542"><p>MSA, I did the same things, obsessively went through his room, his car, his phone, his computer, called numbers back, etc. etc. etc. I was like a crazy person, doing all of those things.</p><p></p><p>MSA---I WAS a crazy person. I was like a wounded animal, howling and running in circles, trying to get away from the pain. </p><p></p><p>One time I left my car running in a bookstore parking lot while I sat in there, looking for more books about addiction and alcoholism so I could understand THIS MONSTER. I left it running for 45 minutes. I was crazed with my needs to control this disease.</p><p></p><p>It doesn't work MSA---and you already know that and are doing the hard work of change in yourself. If we can change just one thing, just one thing, a ripple effect of change will begin. </p><p></p><p>Then, tomorrow or the next day, maybe we can change...just one more thing. And the ripples get bigger.</p><p></p><p>This is what our difficult child addicted loved ones will have to do too, if and when they choose recovery. None of us can change it all overnight. It's too big and too hard. </p><p></p><p>But we can change one thing today. </p><p></p><p>You are walking on your journey, MSA, and you are doing the very best you can every day. That is enough. </p><p></p><p>Take care, and be kind to yourself. Your daughter is ramping up. People ramp up when things change and they don't get what they want. Boundaries (book by Cloud and Townsend) talks about this---about people getting mad---really mad---when new boundaries are set in relationships. Because that means THEY have to change, regardless of whether they want to or not.</p><p></p><p>Stay the course, MSA. You are moving toward the light, toward peace, toward joy, toward contentment. Keep doing the hard work.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Childofmine, post: 621127, member: 17542"] MSA, I did the same things, obsessively went through his room, his car, his phone, his computer, called numbers back, etc. etc. etc. I was like a crazy person, doing all of those things. MSA---I WAS a crazy person. I was like a wounded animal, howling and running in circles, trying to get away from the pain. One time I left my car running in a bookstore parking lot while I sat in there, looking for more books about addiction and alcoholism so I could understand THIS MONSTER. I left it running for 45 minutes. I was crazed with my needs to control this disease. It doesn't work MSA---and you already know that and are doing the hard work of change in yourself. If we can change just one thing, just one thing, a ripple effect of change will begin. Then, tomorrow or the next day, maybe we can change...just one more thing. And the ripples get bigger. This is what our difficult child addicted loved ones will have to do too, if and when they choose recovery. None of us can change it all overnight. It's too big and too hard. But we can change one thing today. You are walking on your journey, MSA, and you are doing the very best you can every day. That is enough. Take care, and be kind to yourself. Your daughter is ramping up. People ramp up when things change and they don't get what they want. Boundaries (book by Cloud and Townsend) talks about this---about people getting mad---really mad---when new boundaries are set in relationships. Because that means THEY have to change, regardless of whether they want to or not. Stay the course, MSA. You are moving toward the light, toward peace, toward joy, toward contentment. Keep doing the hard work. [/QUOTE]
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