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Substance Abuse
Need advise about vacation
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<blockquote data-quote="Copabanana" data-source="post: 689919" data-attributes="member: 18958"><p>Another mother Toughlovin' has a thread right now about enabling. She cites a passage from an Alanon book that I found useful. </p><p></p><p><em>Today I am learning to make choices because they are good for me, not because of the effect they might have on others.</em></p><p><em></em></p><p>What is happening to you right now is the opposite of this. You are afraid to make a decision because of the effect it might have on either your son or your husband. You are in such agony, that you do not want to go on the very vacation in question.</p><p></p><p>You are entitled to, I would say, obligated to decide on the basis of what is <em>best for you. There is a decision that is the most right for you. </em></p><p><em></em></p><p><em>Maybe, it is that your son go on the vacation, whatever the cost to your husband or yourself and your relationship. </em></p><p></p><p>While it may seem that the decision is choosing between the interests of your husband or your son, the decision is really between you and yourself. </p><p></p><p>Actually, you did decide that you wanted your son to go, by reaffirming the offer. </p><p></p><p>Is the fear that if you stick to this decision, some consequence with your husband will be forthcoming that you do not want to face? Will your feelings change? Will his? Is that the fear?</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Copabanana, post: 689919, member: 18958"] Another mother Toughlovin' has a thread right now about enabling. She cites a passage from an Alanon book that I found useful. [I]Today I am learning to make choices because they are good for me, not because of the effect they might have on others. [/I] What is happening to you right now is the opposite of this. You are afraid to make a decision because of the effect it might have on either your son or your husband. You are in such agony, that you do not want to go on the very vacation in question. You are entitled to, I would say, obligated to decide on the basis of what is [I]best for you. There is a decision that is the most right for you. Maybe, it is that your son go on the vacation, whatever the cost to your husband or yourself and your relationship. [/I] While it may seem that the decision is choosing between the interests of your husband or your son, the decision is really between you and yourself. Actually, you did decide that you wanted your son to go, by reaffirming the offer. Is the fear that if you stick to this decision, some consequence with your husband will be forthcoming that you do not want to face? Will your feelings change? Will his? Is that the fear? [/QUOTE]
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