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Need advise about vacation
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<blockquote data-quote="BusynMember" data-source="post: 689921" data-attributes="member: 1550"><p>I give people on the side of the road money. My husband says the same thing yours does. I think men and women think differently. Many are more logical.</p><p></p><p>Ok. This again is my opinion.</p><p></p><p>I put high value on my husband. He gets priority over my grown kids. I see your husband's point and your son is an adult. If this is a once in a lifetime vacation, doesn't husband have a right to enjoy it? Does he not work hard, care for you and the kids? He has been there when your son is at his worse or was absent.</p><p></p><p>I don't know how old your son is, but he's an adult and screwed up and your husband has memories of him creating chaos of his own making. I am on his side here.</p><p></p><p>Some of us, most of us at one time, have trouble letting our adult kids be adults. Some, not just you, think that paying their way, giving them things way beyond age appropriate, or over worrying about them will make them love us.</p><p></p><p>It is not healthy to try to buy love and, worse, it costs us money and doesn't work. Your son probably said he wants to be with you because he knows it's what you want to hear. He didn't want to be around you before. He did not respect either you or your husband.</p><p></p><p>You will do what you want to do, and that's ok, but in my eyes it is as if you are putting him before the rest of the family. He is not going to stay with you forever anyway. He shouldn't. He us grown up.</p><p></p><p>In the end, it is just you and husband. in my opinion his wishes are more important than that of an adult child who has caused so much grief of his own making. As I understand it, your other children are minors.</p><p></p><p>That's different.</p><p></p><p>I hope you come to peace over this. You sound very guilty. At this rate you will spoil your own good time either way. You deserve to stop trying to make everyone happy (you absolutely won't and can't) and just be happy yourself. Happiness comes from within, not from other people. Your son, in the end, can not make you happy. And you can't force anyone to like being around this adult son. I don't think it's bad for him to know that some consequences to his bad behavior is that it causes others to be afraid of having him around. Are you sure he will behave? Is it a pattern that he ruins time together?</p><p></p><p>Hugs for a very torn apart heart. Those were my thoughts.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="BusynMember, post: 689921, member: 1550"] I give people on the side of the road money. My husband says the same thing yours does. I think men and women think differently. Many are more logical. Ok. This again is my opinion. I put high value on my husband. He gets priority over my grown kids. I see your husband's point and your son is an adult. If this is a once in a lifetime vacation, doesn't husband have a right to enjoy it? Does he not work hard, care for you and the kids? He has been there when your son is at his worse or was absent. I don't know how old your son is, but he's an adult and screwed up and your husband has memories of him creating chaos of his own making. I am on his side here. Some of us, most of us at one time, have trouble letting our adult kids be adults. Some, not just you, think that paying their way, giving them things way beyond age appropriate, or over worrying about them will make them love us. It is not healthy to try to buy love and, worse, it costs us money and doesn't work. Your son probably said he wants to be with you because he knows it's what you want to hear. He didn't want to be around you before. He did not respect either you or your husband. You will do what you want to do, and that's ok, but in my eyes it is as if you are putting him before the rest of the family. He is not going to stay with you forever anyway. He shouldn't. He us grown up. In the end, it is just you and husband. in my opinion his wishes are more important than that of an adult child who has caused so much grief of his own making. As I understand it, your other children are minors. That's different. I hope you come to peace over this. You sound very guilty. At this rate you will spoil your own good time either way. You deserve to stop trying to make everyone happy (you absolutely won't and can't) and just be happy yourself. Happiness comes from within, not from other people. Your son, in the end, can not make you happy. And you can't force anyone to like being around this adult son. I don't think it's bad for him to know that some consequences to his bad behavior is that it causes others to be afraid of having him around. Are you sure he will behave? Is it a pattern that he ruins time together? Hugs for a very torn apart heart. Those were my thoughts. [/QUOTE]
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