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Need advise about vacation
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<blockquote data-quote="worried sick mother" data-source="post: 689993" data-attributes="member: 19069"><p>I truly appreciate everyone's response and opinions, I always question myself if I'm being unreasonable. I guess I should clarify about my sons invitation, yes this is a family vacation that's been planned for many years, my son originally said he wouldn't go because it's his girlfriends dream to go where we are going and I explained this is a family vacation and we can't afford to take her then when it came closer to time to buy tickets he said he was going, my husband said to me do I get him a ticket or not ? I said I'm afraid he will back out so I will just wait till the last minute and get him one , my husband knew this. That's why I didn't think to even ask my husband before inviting my son again. </p><p> The problems between my husband and son are deep rooted and this is even before my son was any problem at all. My husband is not a very forgiving person and it all started when my son posted on space book (he was 15) one time that he had to go work for an undeserving prick because we made my son work all day Saturday without pay. Yes my son shouldn't have said that but it started what has been years of un forgiveness. My son respects my husband and has never done anything directly to him. My son has been out of our home since he was 18 and is now 23, he doesn't harass me for money and has never stole anything, that's one reason I couldn't figure out for sure if he was on drugs. I just knew something wasn't right and I snooped on my son to find out. He did total my car I let him drive and got a DUI. When I confronted my son about all the things I would find snooping like the trash he was fooling with or how he looked , accused him of drugs that's when he would go nuts on me. I'm by no means defending my son, he screwed up big time!!! And he may screw up more. </p><p> Like I said my son hasn't done anything to my husband. My husband has just seen how this has affected me over the years. My husband says that I make my son the center of the universe when he's around and that I don't even know anyone else exists. I see my son so little that it's probably true. </p><p> This is a very long flight that we are going on and we are flying first class, my son wouldn't get to do that so that would be one consequence from his actions. My son is going to be deeply hurt when I tell him he can't go. This may or may not be the right decision but I have decided not to go. It's made me physically sick over all of this so I don't even feel able to go. I've had many years of worry over what was going on with my son but when I found out he was using heroin and was housing drug dealers that had guns , I literally had a mental breakdown. I didn't sleep or eat, lost a lot of weight , had so much anxiety that I thought I would die, actually wanted to die. Went and got put on medication and was actually starting to feel better, this brought it all right back!! </p><p> I figure if something is making me this upset then it's just not worth the fight. My son wouldn't want to go without me so I'm just going to tell him that I'm sick and can't go. I felt this was a bad way to do my other children but they will still have a great time with their dad and I would just be a stick in the mud anyways. I told them I was sick too. It's not a lie, I am sick. When I told my husband, his only worry was getting the money back for the flight which I think we can with a doctor excuse which I will try to get this week. If not, I will work extra to pay for it. Thanks again</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="worried sick mother, post: 689993, member: 19069"] I truly appreciate everyone's response and opinions, I always question myself if I'm being unreasonable. I guess I should clarify about my sons invitation, yes this is a family vacation that's been planned for many years, my son originally said he wouldn't go because it's his girlfriends dream to go where we are going and I explained this is a family vacation and we can't afford to take her then when it came closer to time to buy tickets he said he was going, my husband said to me do I get him a ticket or not ? I said I'm afraid he will back out so I will just wait till the last minute and get him one , my husband knew this. That's why I didn't think to even ask my husband before inviting my son again. The problems between my husband and son are deep rooted and this is even before my son was any problem at all. My husband is not a very forgiving person and it all started when my son posted on space book (he was 15) one time that he had to go work for an undeserving prick because we made my son work all day Saturday without pay. Yes my son shouldn't have said that but it started what has been years of un forgiveness. My son respects my husband and has never done anything directly to him. My son has been out of our home since he was 18 and is now 23, he doesn't harass me for money and has never stole anything, that's one reason I couldn't figure out for sure if he was on drugs. I just knew something wasn't right and I snooped on my son to find out. He did total my car I let him drive and got a DUI. When I confronted my son about all the things I would find snooping like the trash he was fooling with or how he looked , accused him of drugs that's when he would go nuts on me. I'm by no means defending my son, he screwed up big time!!! And he may screw up more. Like I said my son hasn't done anything to my husband. My husband has just seen how this has affected me over the years. My husband says that I make my son the center of the universe when he's around and that I don't even know anyone else exists. I see my son so little that it's probably true. This is a very long flight that we are going on and we are flying first class, my son wouldn't get to do that so that would be one consequence from his actions. My son is going to be deeply hurt when I tell him he can't go. This may or may not be the right decision but I have decided not to go. It's made me physically sick over all of this so I don't even feel able to go. I've had many years of worry over what was going on with my son but when I found out he was using heroin and was housing drug dealers that had guns , I literally had a mental breakdown. I didn't sleep or eat, lost a lot of weight , had so much anxiety that I thought I would die, actually wanted to die. Went and got put on medication and was actually starting to feel better, this brought it all right back!! I figure if something is making me this upset then it's just not worth the fight. My son wouldn't want to go without me so I'm just going to tell him that I'm sick and can't go. I felt this was a bad way to do my other children but they will still have a great time with their dad and I would just be a stick in the mud anyways. I told them I was sick too. It's not a lie, I am sick. When I told my husband, his only worry was getting the money back for the flight which I think we can with a doctor excuse which I will try to get this week. If not, I will work extra to pay for it. Thanks again [/QUOTE]
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