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Substance Abuse
Need advise about vacation
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<blockquote data-quote="Copabanana" data-source="post: 689999" data-attributes="member: 18958"><p>I feel sad you are not going on the trip, after so many years of planning. I feel bad that your husband's response is to care about the money, and not your feelings, and compassion for the spot you were in.</p><p></p><p>Can you tell him how you feel? And why?</p><p></p><p>And son. Can you tell him, that you are concerned about him, his recovery, concerned about the difficulties in the relationship with his stepfather? He is responsible for the actions he took as an already grown adult. To tell him there are worries about all of this, and the already frayed relationships, is a real thing. He already knows this. It is not your fault.</p><p></p><p>These are the elephants in the room. They grow bigger if they are not acknowledged. By avoiding the trip because of the difficulty of acknowledging them, I fear the elephants grow bigger.</p><p></p><p>Forgiving and coming together after conflict is part of being a family. Your son has erred but he is trying to change. That does not mean you cannot set appropriate limits in the manner you choose. Husband has a right to feelings, but not to the point where they are destructive. You have a right to speak these things, rather than internalizing them to the point you get ill, and denying yourself a trip that you planned for years, that your money will pay for.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Copabanana, post: 689999, member: 18958"] I feel sad you are not going on the trip, after so many years of planning. I feel bad that your husband's response is to care about the money, and not your feelings, and compassion for the spot you were in. Can you tell him how you feel? And why? And son. Can you tell him, that you are concerned about him, his recovery, concerned about the difficulties in the relationship with his stepfather? He is responsible for the actions he took as an already grown adult. To tell him there are worries about all of this, and the already frayed relationships, is a real thing. He already knows this. It is not your fault. These are the elephants in the room. They grow bigger if they are not acknowledged. By avoiding the trip because of the difficulty of acknowledging them, I fear the elephants grow bigger. Forgiving and coming together after conflict is part of being a family. Your son has erred but he is trying to change. That does not mean you cannot set appropriate limits in the manner you choose. Husband has a right to feelings, but not to the point where they are destructive. You have a right to speak these things, rather than internalizing them to the point you get ill, and denying yourself a trip that you planned for years, that your money will pay for. [/QUOTE]
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