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Need help adult daughter wont talk to me.
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<blockquote data-quote="dotty" data-source="post: 514774" data-attributes="member: 14148"><p>I want to thank all of you for your honest answers. Deep down I know each and every one of you are right. I know what I should and shouldn't do in my head. My heart just can't accept the fact that I've lost her, maybe just for now, maybe forever. As for my husband and I, we are still "together" and married only because we can't sell our house and finances keep us tied together until that time. We fight constantly over our daughter. I tell him he can't give her everything and we must be united. He has his own ideas. He meets her for lunch, coffee, etc. She talks with him, answers his calls, answers his texts. I asked him to cut off the money supply until she promises to respect me, but doesn't matter how she treats me, she has daddy wrapped around her little finger.</p><p></p><p>Funny I was a stay at home mom to always be there for my kids, never wanting to miss a thing, while my husband worked, traveled, and lived his life. I have three children. A son, 24, another daughter 17, and my middle one almost 22. I was there for every school function, head room mom, active in the schools and their classes, and helped them with homework every night. Sure, I wasn't a perfect mom. I made mistakes, but I did the best I could and none of my children will ever tell you I don't love them. They know it and each and every time in their life that they needed me, I was there, and they know that too. </p><p></p><p>My daughter has changed since this boy entered her life. She has lost lifetime friendshps because others don't like what he is or what she is when she is with him, so I'm not alone in the way I feel about him. I've actually never hated anyone so much as this terrible boy who has alienated her from everyone who loves her. Sure I realize he is not holding a gun to her head, but she joined up with him right after a difficult breakup two years ago. He took advantage of her vulnerability and I believe he has her believing he needs her and possibly guilt and her hatred for me is keeping her there. I will admit to riding her constantly for the past two years with this boy, asking her what she sees in him, how she could be with someone like that who brings her down. She feels I am too involved in her life and too controlling, but I have never been able to control any part of this girl. No one ever has until this terrible boy. She seems in a trance that no one can break through. I'm told he wants to marry her; not sure what her feelings are on that. I pray that never happens. He has no family ties. His father is a drunk, wife abuser; his mother left him when he was 10 years old and had countless abortions in her life. He reunited with his mom a few years ago and he is more respectful to her than my daughter is to me. I can't help but feel perhaps her anger and resentment of me and the treatment I am getting now is my fault....that I somehow caused her to feel this way and hate me. I guess that is why I beg, plead, ask for forgiveness and cry for her to return home even if she still wants to continue a relationship with this boy. I just want to know she has a safe place to be away from him. She tells her dad that she loves this boy. I don't think what they have is love. She doesn't seem happy for someone who is in love. </p><p></p><p>My husband says he is going to pay for the remaining year of school so that she has the tools to do something with her life. I will admit that I don't want to take that away from her because she is doing so well, but I don't even get a thank you. We bought her the car she has; a very nice car. We pay the car insurance still, all her school/books, and her cell phone. The boy pays the rent on the apartment. She pays for any other expenses or he does. He has a job, but is living off of money he won in a lawsuit when he was involved in a car accident that was someone else's fault. He broke his arm and was told he could "win" big if he sued simply because it wasn't his fault. He broke his arm and the insurance paid for all his medical, car, etc. and most people would be happy they were alive. Incidentally my daughter was in the car at the time of this accident. Fortunately she was not hurt. He had more fun with a broken arm than most do with both arms. He was in no pain and laughed and bragged how he was going to make out on this accident...and he did. No wonder insurance rates are so high with such frivilous lawsuits where people actually make out. In any event, it has been 24 hours since I've tried to call or text her. I never get a response, but I normally continually text her and ask to meet for coffee, or to call me, etc. Of course, she NEVER responds, and/or if she does it is always a very disrespectful manner where she swears and calls me names. </p><p></p><p>Thank you so much for giving me a place to vent and get support. Is this my fault? Am I a bad mother because I rode her about this boy, perhaps a little too much? And actually drove her into her arms? Can this be the guy she will marry just to spite me because she knows how I feel? I worry all the time because I have no contact with her. I wonder if she's ok, if she's safe, if she's happy. I know nothing about her, her feelings, her life,and there is nothing worse than being totally cut off from a child you'd die for. Again thanks for your help each and every one of you. Please pray for me, my daughter, my family. God bless you all <img src="data:image/gif;base64,R0lGODlhAQABAIAAAAAAAP///yH5BAEAAAAALAAAAAABAAEAAAIBRAA7" class="smilie smilie--sprite smilie--sprite1" alt=":)" title="Smile :)" loading="lazy" data-shortname=":)" /></p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="dotty, post: 514774, member: 14148"] I want to thank all of you for your honest answers. Deep down I know each and every one of you are right. I know what I should and shouldn't do in my head. My heart just can't accept the fact that I've lost her, maybe just for now, maybe forever. As for my husband and I, we are still "together" and married only because we can't sell our house and finances keep us tied together until that time. We fight constantly over our daughter. I tell him he can't give her everything and we must be united. He has his own ideas. He meets her for lunch, coffee, etc. She talks with him, answers his calls, answers his texts. I asked him to cut off the money supply until she promises to respect me, but doesn't matter how she treats me, she has daddy wrapped around her little finger. Funny I was a stay at home mom to always be there for my kids, never wanting to miss a thing, while my husband worked, traveled, and lived his life. I have three children. A son, 24, another daughter 17, and my middle one almost 22. I was there for every school function, head room mom, active in the schools and their classes, and helped them with homework every night. Sure, I wasn't a perfect mom. I made mistakes, but I did the best I could and none of my children will ever tell you I don't love them. They know it and each and every time in their life that they needed me, I was there, and they know that too. My daughter has changed since this boy entered her life. She has lost lifetime friendshps because others don't like what he is or what she is when she is with him, so I'm not alone in the way I feel about him. I've actually never hated anyone so much as this terrible boy who has alienated her from everyone who loves her. Sure I realize he is not holding a gun to her head, but she joined up with him right after a difficult breakup two years ago. He took advantage of her vulnerability and I believe he has her believing he needs her and possibly guilt and her hatred for me is keeping her there. I will admit to riding her constantly for the past two years with this boy, asking her what she sees in him, how she could be with someone like that who brings her down. She feels I am too involved in her life and too controlling, but I have never been able to control any part of this girl. No one ever has until this terrible boy. She seems in a trance that no one can break through. I'm told he wants to marry her; not sure what her feelings are on that. I pray that never happens. He has no family ties. His father is a drunk, wife abuser; his mother left him when he was 10 years old and had countless abortions in her life. He reunited with his mom a few years ago and he is more respectful to her than my daughter is to me. I can't help but feel perhaps her anger and resentment of me and the treatment I am getting now is my fault....that I somehow caused her to feel this way and hate me. I guess that is why I beg, plead, ask for forgiveness and cry for her to return home even if she still wants to continue a relationship with this boy. I just want to know she has a safe place to be away from him. She tells her dad that she loves this boy. I don't think what they have is love. She doesn't seem happy for someone who is in love. My husband says he is going to pay for the remaining year of school so that she has the tools to do something with her life. I will admit that I don't want to take that away from her because she is doing so well, but I don't even get a thank you. We bought her the car she has; a very nice car. We pay the car insurance still, all her school/books, and her cell phone. The boy pays the rent on the apartment. She pays for any other expenses or he does. He has a job, but is living off of money he won in a lawsuit when he was involved in a car accident that was someone else's fault. He broke his arm and was told he could "win" big if he sued simply because it wasn't his fault. He broke his arm and the insurance paid for all his medical, car, etc. and most people would be happy they were alive. Incidentally my daughter was in the car at the time of this accident. Fortunately she was not hurt. He had more fun with a broken arm than most do with both arms. He was in no pain and laughed and bragged how he was going to make out on this accident...and he did. No wonder insurance rates are so high with such frivilous lawsuits where people actually make out. In any event, it has been 24 hours since I've tried to call or text her. I never get a response, but I normally continually text her and ask to meet for coffee, or to call me, etc. Of course, she NEVER responds, and/or if she does it is always a very disrespectful manner where she swears and calls me names. Thank you so much for giving me a place to vent and get support. Is this my fault? Am I a bad mother because I rode her about this boy, perhaps a little too much? And actually drove her into her arms? Can this be the guy she will marry just to spite me because she knows how I feel? I worry all the time because I have no contact with her. I wonder if she's ok, if she's safe, if she's happy. I know nothing about her, her feelings, her life,and there is nothing worse than being totally cut off from a child you'd die for. Again thanks for your help each and every one of you. Please pray for me, my daughter, my family. God bless you all :) [/QUOTE]
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