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Need help adult daughter wont talk to me.
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<blockquote data-quote="Star*" data-source="post: 531367" data-attributes="member: 4964"><p>Dotty, </p><p></p><p>What I'm going to say to you is going to sound harsh - But I want you to understand it's in a constructive way, not a mean way - and I'm trying to point something out to you so you can get help. </p><p></p><p>You can't badger someone for years - and then play the victim Dot - it's a bad coping mechanism....and it's a tool used to garner attention and sympathy - One that doesn't work too well. It also tends to drive people away after awhile. I do feel for you - but not in the way that you may think. I am brutally blunt because I want to help - and I'm helping because I want you to see that there are things that you are doing - that you may not even realize you are doing - and you can fix them. </p><p></p><p>You say at 52 you feel it's too late. It's NEVER too late. Your daughter is hurt, and if she did NOT CARE? She wouldn't try to get back at you. She wouldn't want you to hurt too. She wants you to feel how you made HER feel. It's a bad, vicious cycle and one of you has to be the bigger person, and step up to the plate, get some counseling and STOP this cycle of abuse. The fact that this man has served you with papers? Not surprising - he's controling. This is just another way to control. You keep stepping right into his perfect plan. STAY AWAY from him, her - and get into therapy or loose her forever. </p><p></p><p>Before you ever have a chance to get her back? You're going to have to fix YOURSELF, and the things that drove HER away in the first place - and it wasn't ALL just her not living the life YOU wanted her to live the way you wanted her to live it. If therapist 1,2,3,4 didn't work and pills 1,2,3 weren't right? KEEP going until you find the combinations that work best for you - and put the hard work into it that needs to be done. IF it takes until you are 70? Then at least 71-89 years of age WILL BE HAPPY and well adjusted ones - and you will know you did ALL you could to show your daughter you loved her enough to change. </p><p></p><p>Even now? When you are asking for advice on what to do? You're not taking it - you're still wanting the shortcut to fixing this relationship with your daughter - and there ISN"T ONE. THAT IS OVER. </p><p></p><p>I hate that you hurt - but healing begins with the first step - and they're your feet. </p><p></p><p>NOW is the time to work on Dotty......period. Find the right person to do that with. </p><p></p><p>Hugs & Love</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Star*, post: 531367, member: 4964"] Dotty, What I'm going to say to you is going to sound harsh - But I want you to understand it's in a constructive way, not a mean way - and I'm trying to point something out to you so you can get help. You can't badger someone for years - and then play the victim Dot - it's a bad coping mechanism....and it's a tool used to garner attention and sympathy - One that doesn't work too well. It also tends to drive people away after awhile. I do feel for you - but not in the way that you may think. I am brutally blunt because I want to help - and I'm helping because I want you to see that there are things that you are doing - that you may not even realize you are doing - and you can fix them. You say at 52 you feel it's too late. It's NEVER too late. Your daughter is hurt, and if she did NOT CARE? She wouldn't try to get back at you. She wouldn't want you to hurt too. She wants you to feel how you made HER feel. It's a bad, vicious cycle and one of you has to be the bigger person, and step up to the plate, get some counseling and STOP this cycle of abuse. The fact that this man has served you with papers? Not surprising - he's controling. This is just another way to control. You keep stepping right into his perfect plan. STAY AWAY from him, her - and get into therapy or loose her forever. Before you ever have a chance to get her back? You're going to have to fix YOURSELF, and the things that drove HER away in the first place - and it wasn't ALL just her not living the life YOU wanted her to live the way you wanted her to live it. If therapist 1,2,3,4 didn't work and pills 1,2,3 weren't right? KEEP going until you find the combinations that work best for you - and put the hard work into it that needs to be done. IF it takes until you are 70? Then at least 71-89 years of age WILL BE HAPPY and well adjusted ones - and you will know you did ALL you could to show your daughter you loved her enough to change. Even now? When you are asking for advice on what to do? You're not taking it - you're still wanting the shortcut to fixing this relationship with your daughter - and there ISN"T ONE. THAT IS OVER. I hate that you hurt - but healing begins with the first step - and they're your feet. NOW is the time to work on Dotty......period. Find the right person to do that with. Hugs & Love [/QUOTE]
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