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Need help adult daughter wont talk to me.
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<blockquote data-quote="Andy" data-source="post: 534643" data-attributes="member: 5096"><p>Hi Dotty! Pages and pages of great input for you. I didn't read through all the replies but did want to add my input. You need to start by redefining your boundaries of the relationship. You know your dreams for a respectful line of communication between the two of you. You know what your boundaries are - not allowing ANYONE to treat you with such disrespect. You need to show her this by being strong and focusing on respect until that it restored. Refuse to have her talk to you about anything while she is disrespectful. Turn a deaf ear and let her know the communication can continue when you are both calm enough not to turn it ugly. Do not give her an answer to anything - the focus is the communication itself, not the subject of what she wants.</p><p></p><p>When my daughter was 16 - 18 years old, we went through several, " you will not talk to me until you can do so respectfully" times. When her mouth got bad, I would tell her that she is not allowed to ask anything of me until she can be respectful for a week or more! I held to it and whenever she wanted something I would remind her of the timeline which would and did start over several times until I felt she could be respectful.</p><p></p><p>She needs your example of how to make people treat you with respect so some day she can see that she also wants that respect from those she spends time with.</p><p></p><p>I spend a lot of my few moments with Diva encouraging her to follow her dreams and for her to make the choices to make sure she is happy. I tell her to avoid people who make her unhappy. </p><p></p><p>Detachment is not the terrible thing that it can feel like. It is acknowledging that she is her own person whose unhealthy choices can not take you down. That you have given her the tools but because you are mom she is disregarding them. I have learned that Diva does consider my input at times so continue to give positive encouragement when you can. Words that empower her to take control of her life, that you believe in her abilities to meet her goals. If she can see you as a strong person, it will more likely help her absorb what you do want to tell her.</p><p></p><p>My Diva is also almost 22 years old. I know the heartache of watching her being unhappy in a large part of her life. Seeing her bound to someone who will hold her back. So sad when this is suppose to be a wonderful time in their lives. They are facing their futures and still an unhealthy choice is holding them back.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Andy, post: 534643, member: 5096"] Hi Dotty! Pages and pages of great input for you. I didn't read through all the replies but did want to add my input. You need to start by redefining your boundaries of the relationship. You know your dreams for a respectful line of communication between the two of you. You know what your boundaries are - not allowing ANYONE to treat you with such disrespect. You need to show her this by being strong and focusing on respect until that it restored. Refuse to have her talk to you about anything while she is disrespectful. Turn a deaf ear and let her know the communication can continue when you are both calm enough not to turn it ugly. Do not give her an answer to anything - the focus is the communication itself, not the subject of what she wants. When my daughter was 16 - 18 years old, we went through several, " you will not talk to me until you can do so respectfully" times. When her mouth got bad, I would tell her that she is not allowed to ask anything of me until she can be respectful for a week or more! I held to it and whenever she wanted something I would remind her of the timeline which would and did start over several times until I felt she could be respectful. She needs your example of how to make people treat you with respect so some day she can see that she also wants that respect from those she spends time with. I spend a lot of my few moments with Diva encouraging her to follow her dreams and for her to make the choices to make sure she is happy. I tell her to avoid people who make her unhappy. Detachment is not the terrible thing that it can feel like. It is acknowledging that she is her own person whose unhealthy choices can not take you down. That you have given her the tools but because you are mom she is disregarding them. I have learned that Diva does consider my input at times so continue to give positive encouragement when you can. Words that empower her to take control of her life, that you believe in her abilities to meet her goals. If she can see you as a strong person, it will more likely help her absorb what you do want to tell her. My Diva is also almost 22 years old. I know the heartache of watching her being unhappy in a large part of her life. Seeing her bound to someone who will hold her back. So sad when this is suppose to be a wonderful time in their lives. They are facing their futures and still an unhealthy choice is holding them back. [/QUOTE]
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