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Need help adult daughter wont talk to me.
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<blockquote data-quote="Star*" data-source="post: 535040" data-attributes="member: 4964"><p>I think.........you are trying to go back to square one here. And there are just TOOO many of us here to let you do that in any way shape, or form. </p><p></p><p>You needed to have a clean break from your daughter - to have time to go work on DOTTY - and the court date should have been it. </p><p></p><p>This is a woman who - </p><p>Has belittled you in person </p><p>Has dug her nails into your flesh </p><p>Has humilliated you in public </p><p>Has split your family by having lunch with your husband and refusing to have contact with you. </p><p>Has refused to talk to you on the phone. </p><p>Has refused to talk to you in person. </p><p>Has refused to come back to her former home and talk to you. </p><p>Wants absolutely NO contact with you WhATSOEVER to the point that she went to court and testified on behalf of someone that has now been granted an ORDER OF PROTECTION in his favor.....</p><p>Took you to PUBLIC COURT and HUMILITATED you in front of a JUDGE and TWO attorneys....your husband,,,,,and who knows who else. </p><p>HIT you physically in the face.....by means of a FIST. </p><p>Calls you FOUL names that you wouldn't call the lowest possible human life form. </p><p>Flips you off. Meaning a very disgusting gesture. NOT fit for a Mothers eyes. </p><p>Posted heinous and slanderous things about you on FACEBOOK. </p><p>Has made Freinds and visits with your SISTER. </p><p>Has gotten your Sister to be ugly and mean to you on her behalf. </p><p>Has possibly (not for sure) gotten your husband to side with her. </p><p>Did NOT send you a Mothers Day card</p><p>Has your other children just JUST wondering what's wrong with her - NOT having your back really - which to me is very odd. I would have ripped my sibling a new one over MY MOTHER. </p><p>LAUGHED in your face. </p><p>SMIRKED at your apparent sorrow, and distraught. </p><p>ENJOYED YOUR SADNESS and REVELED IN IT......</p><p>DRESSES LIKE A FLOOZY </p><p>SHACKS UP WITH A BABBOON</p><p>MAKES HER FACE UP LIKE A GEISHA - </p><p>PARADES AROUND TOWN KNOWING she's your kid - and flaunts the fact that she's HURT YOU TO THE CORE!!!!!!!!! </p><p></p><p>and still????? YOU ASK.......</p><p></p><p>( this is me in a mocking voice) "Do you think I'll get her baaaaack?" NOooooooooooooooooooo</p><p></p><p>Not like this! </p><p></p><p>WHY? Because you're still behaving in a mind frame that is saying there is a time limit on starting, stopping, relationships. It's a control issue in my humble opinion. This is your daughter. There is no time limit here. You're 50ish. Shes 18ish. I'd say you have about 40 years to fix this. Doesn't have to be a year, a month, a week. What's the rush? Why the hurry to make sure this relationship is patched up? She's not going anywhere, and you certainly have a lot of soul searching to do. YOu can't force her to go to therapy - you can only fix you. And that is a great beginning to - fixing any relationship with ANYONE you know. Yourself firstly whom I'd say you have a really stinky relationship with. You don't like yourself. Told you that. (shrug) How can you expect anyone else to really like you or want to be around you when you don't even want to be around you? Not gonna happen. More of that stinkin thinkin I was telling you about. "Oh she didn't even send me a card.....sigh....exhale." Yup......so? You have two other kids - Did THEY get you a card? I had three boys - two are dead, one sent me a card. I don't say it like that. I could - I mean - I could try to elicit sympathy and pity by saying - OH Mothers day is so hard on me - I should be getting three cards......(sniff) but I only got one lousy card from my youngest...and it was a cheap card....I wish I could have gotten cards from the 2 dead boys." I mean - COME ON......Postage from heaven would be like - a gazillion bucks.....Know what I mean?? And if the USPS can't get the mail here? I'm not counting on heavenly couriers. So yeah - you have a LOT of work to do on YOURSELF before you start asking things like "Do you think I'll ever get her back?" - I'd like to know if I'm ever going to have a good relationship with my one son.......but - in the mean time - I AM MOVING FORWARD WITH MY LIFE - and doing things FOR ME - because - </p><p></p><p>1.) It gives me something to do - </p><p>2.) It makes me feel alive</p><p>3.) It sets a good example, gets me out and about - and lets me feel needed, and wanted </p><p>4.) Keeps my mind OFF of bad things - and stinking thinking......mostly - for other times - there's welbutrin - and it's not strong - like put me in loosey goosey land - so get "Strong' medicine or numbing medicine out of your mind. NOTHING is going to dull the pain - but YOU and working with a therapist dot. TIME and work.....working on YOU...and cleaning out the memories, and pain. THAT is what gets rid of the pain. WORKING ON YOU. </p><p>5.) BECAUSE I HAVE HOPE _ I LIVE. AND.......IF there is to be a relationship? When and if there is one? By the time therapy was done? I'm the best me I can be - and I have better, stable answers for my son - who NOW sees me as a wealth of information - not some looney toons Mom on a bender-crying jag.....bcause I can't get my mess together. THAT" is what 15 years of therapy did for me. </p><p></p><p>SO - what's it gonna be dot........yes.........or.............no???????? </p><p>lemme sleep on it.........baby babby let me sleep on it...............(do do dod odddoddddddoooooo) </p><p>let me sleep on it - I'll give you an answer in the morning ........</p><p>I gotta know right now.............</p><p>(gosh what perfect timing) lol.....song on the radio...lol. </p><p></p><p>Anyway - You can't ask what we can't tell you - or rather what your daughter can't answer. </p><p></p><p>What I can tell you is that if you stick with therapy? A lot of the answers to the questions you have had for a LONG LONG LONG time will start to fit together like puzzle pieces that seem to have been lost in your life forever. Mysteries solved, anger quelched......anxieties........gone. Fears disappeared. And maybe somewhere in there - a kid will see you as a different person- level and mellow - and the person you really are - not the one with all the stress and irritability of the world resting on her shoulders from years of not getting support - and I'm not just talking - marriage - this has been going on - WAY before that. And you'll get to those years too - painful as they were.......you need to deal with them too. Don't be afraid......just deal with them and put it all in perspective for once in your life......do something for you......that helps everyone else you know really see YOU. </p><p></p><p>I promise it's the best gift you will ever ever ever give yourself. </p><p></p><p>BIG HUGS.........Star</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Star*, post: 535040, member: 4964"] I think.........you are trying to go back to square one here. And there are just TOOO many of us here to let you do that in any way shape, or form. You needed to have a clean break from your daughter - to have time to go work on DOTTY - and the court date should have been it. This is a woman who - Has belittled you in person Has dug her nails into your flesh Has humilliated you in public Has split your family by having lunch with your husband and refusing to have contact with you. Has refused to talk to you on the phone. Has refused to talk to you in person. Has refused to come back to her former home and talk to you. Wants absolutely NO contact with you WhATSOEVER to the point that she went to court and testified on behalf of someone that has now been granted an ORDER OF PROTECTION in his favor..... Took you to PUBLIC COURT and HUMILITATED you in front of a JUDGE and TWO attorneys....your husband,,,,,and who knows who else. HIT you physically in the face.....by means of a FIST. Calls you FOUL names that you wouldn't call the lowest possible human life form. Flips you off. Meaning a very disgusting gesture. NOT fit for a Mothers eyes. Posted heinous and slanderous things about you on FACEBOOK. Has made Freinds and visits with your SISTER. Has gotten your Sister to be ugly and mean to you on her behalf. Has possibly (not for sure) gotten your husband to side with her. Did NOT send you a Mothers Day card Has your other children just JUST wondering what's wrong with her - NOT having your back really - which to me is very odd. I would have ripped my sibling a new one over MY MOTHER. LAUGHED in your face. SMIRKED at your apparent sorrow, and distraught. ENJOYED YOUR SADNESS and REVELED IN IT...... DRESSES LIKE A FLOOZY SHACKS UP WITH A BABBOON MAKES HER FACE UP LIKE A GEISHA - PARADES AROUND TOWN KNOWING she's your kid - and flaunts the fact that she's HURT YOU TO THE CORE!!!!!!!!! and still????? YOU ASK....... ( this is me in a mocking voice) "Do you think I'll get her baaaaack?" NOooooooooooooooooooo Not like this! WHY? Because you're still behaving in a mind frame that is saying there is a time limit on starting, stopping, relationships. It's a control issue in my humble opinion. This is your daughter. There is no time limit here. You're 50ish. Shes 18ish. I'd say you have about 40 years to fix this. Doesn't have to be a year, a month, a week. What's the rush? Why the hurry to make sure this relationship is patched up? She's not going anywhere, and you certainly have a lot of soul searching to do. YOu can't force her to go to therapy - you can only fix you. And that is a great beginning to - fixing any relationship with ANYONE you know. Yourself firstly whom I'd say you have a really stinky relationship with. You don't like yourself. Told you that. (shrug) How can you expect anyone else to really like you or want to be around you when you don't even want to be around you? Not gonna happen. More of that stinkin thinkin I was telling you about. "Oh she didn't even send me a card.....sigh....exhale." Yup......so? You have two other kids - Did THEY get you a card? I had three boys - two are dead, one sent me a card. I don't say it like that. I could - I mean - I could try to elicit sympathy and pity by saying - OH Mothers day is so hard on me - I should be getting three cards......(sniff) but I only got one lousy card from my youngest...and it was a cheap card....I wish I could have gotten cards from the 2 dead boys." I mean - COME ON......Postage from heaven would be like - a gazillion bucks.....Know what I mean?? And if the USPS can't get the mail here? I'm not counting on heavenly couriers. So yeah - you have a LOT of work to do on YOURSELF before you start asking things like "Do you think I'll ever get her back?" - I'd like to know if I'm ever going to have a good relationship with my one son.......but - in the mean time - I AM MOVING FORWARD WITH MY LIFE - and doing things FOR ME - because - 1.) It gives me something to do - 2.) It makes me feel alive 3.) It sets a good example, gets me out and about - and lets me feel needed, and wanted 4.) Keeps my mind OFF of bad things - and stinking thinking......mostly - for other times - there's welbutrin - and it's not strong - like put me in loosey goosey land - so get "Strong' medicine or numbing medicine out of your mind. NOTHING is going to dull the pain - but YOU and working with a therapist dot. TIME and work.....working on YOU...and cleaning out the memories, and pain. THAT is what gets rid of the pain. WORKING ON YOU. 5.) BECAUSE I HAVE HOPE _ I LIVE. AND.......IF there is to be a relationship? When and if there is one? By the time therapy was done? I'm the best me I can be - and I have better, stable answers for my son - who NOW sees me as a wealth of information - not some looney toons Mom on a bender-crying jag.....bcause I can't get my mess together. THAT" is what 15 years of therapy did for me. SO - what's it gonna be dot........yes.........or.............no???????? lemme sleep on it.........baby babby let me sleep on it...............(do do dod odddoddddddoooooo) let me sleep on it - I'll give you an answer in the morning ........ I gotta know right now............. (gosh what perfect timing) lol.....song on the radio...lol. Anyway - You can't ask what we can't tell you - or rather what your daughter can't answer. What I can tell you is that if you stick with therapy? A lot of the answers to the questions you have had for a LONG LONG LONG time will start to fit together like puzzle pieces that seem to have been lost in your life forever. Mysteries solved, anger quelched......anxieties........gone. Fears disappeared. And maybe somewhere in there - a kid will see you as a different person- level and mellow - and the person you really are - not the one with all the stress and irritability of the world resting on her shoulders from years of not getting support - and I'm not just talking - marriage - this has been going on - WAY before that. And you'll get to those years too - painful as they were.......you need to deal with them too. Don't be afraid......just deal with them and put it all in perspective for once in your life......do something for you......that helps everyone else you know really see YOU. I promise it's the best gift you will ever ever ever give yourself. BIG HUGS.........Star [/QUOTE]
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