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<blockquote data-quote="Star*" data-source="post: 91743" data-attributes="member: 4964"><p>If you are at the point where you can't do it any more AND you are sinking into depression AND it's a strain on your marriage it is time to get difficult child in some type of Residential setting, or Group home or psychiatric hospital. You all need a break, and the kid needs a break from you all. </p><p></p><p>OR </p><p></p><p>You need to contact your local Mental health agency and ask them if they do individual therapy on a sliding scale fee. GET IN LINE and go to it. You can NOT believe how refreshing it is to sit and tell someone about your life for an HOUR! Then get suggestions that may help. </p><p></p><p>Like I said - 2 years of therapy is a drop in the bucket. This doesn't get grown out of any more than any other disease. It CAN be managed if all participants are willing to undergo some healthy, but hard changes. If you are living with Cleopatra (Queen of Denial) I wish you luck. If she's given him back to his father because she couldn't handle him then get a plan together. </p><p></p><p>It starts with you and your husband. The next time difficult child is out of control and considered a danger to himself or others put him in the van, haul him to the hospital and demand they do a psychiatric evaluation on this kid and have them BEG THEM to put him somewhere he can get some help. TELL THEM - he's a danger to the rest of your family and name the things he's done. </p><p></p><p>From there, they can usually get a social worker involved and have him put in a placement for either temporary or long term commitment. It gives everyone a break. </p><p></p><p>Get the entire family into counseling. If I can get a biker to go for a kid that isn't even his? You can get your husband to go for a kid that IS his. It's NOT about your husband per se. Everyone always feels if they go to counseling that they have to open up and spill their guts and tell about their horrible past life - and well, while that is a tad narcissistic it's not true. You are going to learn how to parent a child that has a problem that cant' be cured with pills or discipline. You're going to learn how to live a life with less yelling, and less door slamming, and less arguing and you will learn how to tag team each other so that one parent isn't always going to carry the brunt of this kid because THEY ARE TOUGHER THAN BOTH OF YOU PUT TOGETHER...and they LIVE to divide and conquer. It's hard wired into their wee brains that they must win. Most of them for whatever reason prefer to live in a chaotic environment. It's like they are chaos junkies and the only way to stay high is to do something they KNOW will peeve everyone off. </p><p></p><p>When you go to therapy you learn how to turn it off. So that 1.) You aren't making a monkeys kiester out of yourself in front of the rest of your kids and 2.) Once you eliminate the yelling and giving in - you find how to cut him off at the ankles and thus start to re-map his brain. </p><p></p><p>Something somewhere got his cranial map all messed up. Hard to tell what and serves little purpose to blame anyone. Figuring out what you can do from here to make him "get it" - very rewarding. </p><p></p><p>And there is the chance that he'll never learn anything - let's hope not, but you will, and your family will, and your marriage will be stronger not on the rocks, and if you have other kids, they'll see the steps you took to help someone who is mentally ill, and they (through counseling) will find out that it's good to have a plan and it's okay to be angry. It's just not okay to act out inappropriately. </p><p></p><p>Good luck with this - being a step mom puts you in a tough spot, but - remember he's your kid too, and as long as you choose to live in that house with him and his Dad you would benefit by making the most of it. I learned more in counseling in the last 4 years than I ever did! Well worth it. </p><p></p><p>Hugs</p><p>Star</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Star*, post: 91743, member: 4964"] If you are at the point where you can't do it any more AND you are sinking into depression AND it's a strain on your marriage it is time to get difficult child in some type of Residential setting, or Group home or psychiatric hospital. You all need a break, and the kid needs a break from you all. OR You need to contact your local Mental health agency and ask them if they do individual therapy on a sliding scale fee. GET IN LINE and go to it. You can NOT believe how refreshing it is to sit and tell someone about your life for an HOUR! Then get suggestions that may help. Like I said - 2 years of therapy is a drop in the bucket. This doesn't get grown out of any more than any other disease. It CAN be managed if all participants are willing to undergo some healthy, but hard changes. If you are living with Cleopatra (Queen of Denial) I wish you luck. If she's given him back to his father because she couldn't handle him then get a plan together. It starts with you and your husband. The next time difficult child is out of control and considered a danger to himself or others put him in the van, haul him to the hospital and demand they do a psychiatric evaluation on this kid and have them BEG THEM to put him somewhere he can get some help. TELL THEM - he's a danger to the rest of your family and name the things he's done. From there, they can usually get a social worker involved and have him put in a placement for either temporary or long term commitment. It gives everyone a break. Get the entire family into counseling. If I can get a biker to go for a kid that isn't even his? You can get your husband to go for a kid that IS his. It's NOT about your husband per se. Everyone always feels if they go to counseling that they have to open up and spill their guts and tell about their horrible past life - and well, while that is a tad narcissistic it's not true. You are going to learn how to parent a child that has a problem that cant' be cured with pills or discipline. You're going to learn how to live a life with less yelling, and less door slamming, and less arguing and you will learn how to tag team each other so that one parent isn't always going to carry the brunt of this kid because THEY ARE TOUGHER THAN BOTH OF YOU PUT TOGETHER...and they LIVE to divide and conquer. It's hard wired into their wee brains that they must win. Most of them for whatever reason prefer to live in a chaotic environment. It's like they are chaos junkies and the only way to stay high is to do something they KNOW will peeve everyone off. When you go to therapy you learn how to turn it off. So that 1.) You aren't making a monkeys kiester out of yourself in front of the rest of your kids and 2.) Once you eliminate the yelling and giving in - you find how to cut him off at the ankles and thus start to re-map his brain. Something somewhere got his cranial map all messed up. Hard to tell what and serves little purpose to blame anyone. Figuring out what you can do from here to make him "get it" - very rewarding. And there is the chance that he'll never learn anything - let's hope not, but you will, and your family will, and your marriage will be stronger not on the rocks, and if you have other kids, they'll see the steps you took to help someone who is mentally ill, and they (through counseling) will find out that it's good to have a plan and it's okay to be angry. It's just not okay to act out inappropriately. Good luck with this - being a step mom puts you in a tough spot, but - remember he's your kid too, and as long as you choose to live in that house with him and his Dad you would benefit by making the most of it. I learned more in counseling in the last 4 years than I ever did! Well worth it. Hugs Star [/QUOTE]
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