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<blockquote data-quote="Snoopy" data-source="post: 517691" data-attributes="member: 14038"><p>Hi bigbear11. Your story sounds similar to yours. We brought our internationally adopted child home at 14 months as well. I'm new here and haven't had a chance to write a proper introduction but I wanted to reach out to you. I won't claim to know your exact situation but I completely understand parenting an out of control child...just as so many others here understand as well. I can remember disliking my daughter and then that morphed into hating being around her. The guilt I felt was all consuming and I hated myself for the feelings I was having. I didn't begin to forgive myself until I read the first 5 or so chapters of Beyond Consequences, Logic, and Control by Heather Forbes, Licensed Clinical Social Worker (LCSW). She had raised two traumatized and attachment-disordered children and she was telling me that my feelings were normal! I didn't get much out of her book other than this "gift" but this was huge for me. After parenting my little daughter for 2 years, I was finally told that I was NOT crazy and there was absolutely nothing wrong with my feelings and reactions...that it was a normal response to what was happening in my home. The book also helped me to understand my daughter's behavior and helped me to understand why her behaviors were triggering my own childhood "traumas". I was never able to implement Heather Forbes' methods with my daughter because she needed a more firm (but loving and compassionate) method of therapeutic parenting...in order for her to begin to feel safe. We had to use a more "steel box with a velvet lining" method for her and it worked beautifully for us. Some people swear by Heather's methods but it would have been disastrous for my family. My daughter was much too "in your face", explosive, and aggressive. Anyway, I didn't intend to go on about Heather Forbes. My point is that her first book freed me from my guilt. In January 2009, my daughter was diagnosed with Reactive Attachment Disorder (RAD) (Reactive Attachment Disorder) and PTSD at age 3 (she would have easily been diagnosed with ADHD, sensory processing disorder (SPD), ODD, and anxiety disorder had any professional been willing to diagnose these at such a young age). Her behaviors were textbook Reactive Attachment Disorder (RAD) and I was 100% sure she would be diagnosed as such as I had done months of research beforehand. We've done nearly 3 1/2 years of 3 different therapies (and a 4th one last summer) and my daughter is a completely different kid. We aren't there yet but we are getting close every single day. She is nearly 6 1/2 years old and is thriving in Kindergarten. I attribute much of our success to the fact that we began therapy with her at such a young age. It's NEVER to late to get help but the earlier the better. It's hard to know if your daughter has an attachment disorder but my guess is that she has, at the very least, experienced some major traumas. And the trauma alone can create all kinds of unbearable behaviors. I'm going to PM you a message that I wrote to share with others here. It's a specific description of the therapies we've done and who we've used...therapeutic parenting, NR (Neurological Reorganization), TAAT (Targeted Amino Acid Therapy), and BIT/Crossinology (Brain Integration Technique). It's a super long message so I'll send it to you in 7 private messages...as the forum won't allow me to send such a long message. Hang in there and let me know if you have any specific questions. I'm happy to share.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Snoopy, post: 517691, member: 14038"] Hi bigbear11. Your story sounds similar to yours. We brought our internationally adopted child home at 14 months as well. I'm new here and haven't had a chance to write a proper introduction but I wanted to reach out to you. I won't claim to know your exact situation but I completely understand parenting an out of control child...just as so many others here understand as well. I can remember disliking my daughter and then that morphed into hating being around her. The guilt I felt was all consuming and I hated myself for the feelings I was having. I didn't begin to forgive myself until I read the first 5 or so chapters of Beyond Consequences, Logic, and Control by Heather Forbes, Licensed Clinical Social Worker (LCSW). She had raised two traumatized and attachment-disordered children and she was telling me that my feelings were normal! I didn't get much out of her book other than this "gift" but this was huge for me. After parenting my little daughter for 2 years, I was finally told that I was NOT crazy and there was absolutely nothing wrong with my feelings and reactions...that it was a normal response to what was happening in my home. The book also helped me to understand my daughter's behavior and helped me to understand why her behaviors were triggering my own childhood "traumas". I was never able to implement Heather Forbes' methods with my daughter because she needed a more firm (but loving and compassionate) method of therapeutic parenting...in order for her to begin to feel safe. We had to use a more "steel box with a velvet lining" method for her and it worked beautifully for us. Some people swear by Heather's methods but it would have been disastrous for my family. My daughter was much too "in your face", explosive, and aggressive. Anyway, I didn't intend to go on about Heather Forbes. My point is that her first book freed me from my guilt. In January 2009, my daughter was diagnosed with Reactive Attachment Disorder (RAD) (Reactive Attachment Disorder) and PTSD at age 3 (she would have easily been diagnosed with ADHD, sensory processing disorder (SPD), ODD, and anxiety disorder had any professional been willing to diagnose these at such a young age). Her behaviors were textbook Reactive Attachment Disorder (RAD) and I was 100% sure she would be diagnosed as such as I had done months of research beforehand. We've done nearly 3 1/2 years of 3 different therapies (and a 4th one last summer) and my daughter is a completely different kid. We aren't there yet but we are getting close every single day. She is nearly 6 1/2 years old and is thriving in Kindergarten. I attribute much of our success to the fact that we began therapy with her at such a young age. It's NEVER to late to get help but the earlier the better. It's hard to know if your daughter has an attachment disorder but my guess is that she has, at the very least, experienced some major traumas. And the trauma alone can create all kinds of unbearable behaviors. I'm going to PM you a message that I wrote to share with others here. It's a specific description of the therapies we've done and who we've used...therapeutic parenting, NR (Neurological Reorganization), TAAT (Targeted Amino Acid Therapy), and BIT/Crossinology (Brain Integration Technique). It's a super long message so I'll send it to you in 7 private messages...as the forum won't allow me to send such a long message. Hang in there and let me know if you have any specific questions. I'm happy to share. [/QUOTE]
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