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Need help fine tuning some behavior
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<blockquote data-quote="BusynMember" data-source="post: 356748" data-attributes="member: 1550"><p>A couple thoughts, which you can use or disregard.</p><p></p><p>First of all, he sounds like a very poor communicator, possibly he KNOWS what to do but is AFRAID to do it. Yes, even to ask his friend how to reach his parent...and even at sixteen. Is he perhaps maybe on the autism spectrum, like an Aspie? My son is and he has a very flat demeanor and is exttremely shy, however he is NOT depressed in spite of his demeaner. It's just part of Aspergers. He has gone to many counselors and always insists he is "not happy, not sad, just average." His speaks mostly in a monotone and, although he knows how to ask for stuff from others or call people, he is very reluctant to do it (this is getting a bit better). Maybe it's not so much that he is self-sabataging as he is too afraid to do that simple thing. HIs social skills may be THAT poor. Not all sixteen year olds are emotionally sixteen. They can be ten. Just an idea. My son doesn't socialize much outside of school either. That's often the way it is for an Aspie (not saying yours is one, but maybe you should read up on it to see if it fits). Regardless, it sounds less like depression to me and more like fear. I used to suffer severe depression and, although it hurt my motivation in school, if I wanted to go out with my friends I definitely called them. However, we all manifest differently...</p><p></p><p> Another thought: I get the phone number and call my daughter's friend's parents. I do it on my own because she gets embarassed when I all and tries to find ways to skip giving me the number. If you know the last name, you can try to get the number, that way he wouldn't miss out on the socialization and it sounds like he really needs it. Sounds like his social skills are way behind his age and if you want him to have friends you may have to pretend he's ten years old and do it that way. He may not mature until he is twenty-five (at least we were given that age). I don't expect my son to be a functional adult at eighteen, like my other kids were (kinda, sorta). We are giving him more time because he needs it. In the end, he may need special services, but we are hoping he is just delayed in the social skills department and will one day learn to compensate. We go year by year. He does make progress every year, though not at the rate of, say, my daughter. But I stopped comparing my son to other kids and their timetables and social norms long ago and just let him be him.</p><p></p><p>Good luck, whatever you decide to do.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="BusynMember, post: 356748, member: 1550"] A couple thoughts, which you can use or disregard. First of all, he sounds like a very poor communicator, possibly he KNOWS what to do but is AFRAID to do it. Yes, even to ask his friend how to reach his parent...and even at sixteen. Is he perhaps maybe on the autism spectrum, like an Aspie? My son is and he has a very flat demeanor and is exttremely shy, however he is NOT depressed in spite of his demeaner. It's just part of Aspergers. He has gone to many counselors and always insists he is "not happy, not sad, just average." His speaks mostly in a monotone and, although he knows how to ask for stuff from others or call people, he is very reluctant to do it (this is getting a bit better). Maybe it's not so much that he is self-sabataging as he is too afraid to do that simple thing. HIs social skills may be THAT poor. Not all sixteen year olds are emotionally sixteen. They can be ten. Just an idea. My son doesn't socialize much outside of school either. That's often the way it is for an Aspie (not saying yours is one, but maybe you should read up on it to see if it fits). Regardless, it sounds less like depression to me and more like fear. I used to suffer severe depression and, although it hurt my motivation in school, if I wanted to go out with my friends I definitely called them. However, we all manifest differently... Another thought: I get the phone number and call my daughter's friend's parents. I do it on my own because she gets embarassed when I all and tries to find ways to skip giving me the number. If you know the last name, you can try to get the number, that way he wouldn't miss out on the socialization and it sounds like he really needs it. Sounds like his social skills are way behind his age and if you want him to have friends you may have to pretend he's ten years old and do it that way. He may not mature until he is twenty-five (at least we were given that age). I don't expect my son to be a functional adult at eighteen, like my other kids were (kinda, sorta). We are giving him more time because he needs it. In the end, he may need special services, but we are hoping he is just delayed in the social skills department and will one day learn to compensate. We go year by year. He does make progress every year, though not at the rate of, say, my daughter. But I stopped comparing my son to other kids and their timetables and social norms long ago and just let him be him. Good luck, whatever you decide to do. [/QUOTE]
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