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<blockquote data-quote="Marguerite" data-source="post: 39722" data-attributes="member: 1991"><p>It really does sound like he's used to one on one attention and acts up when he doesn't get it. He also sounds insecure, as if he's afraid that having to share is going to mean he misses out either on attention or other things. Kids go through this stage, always. Those with siblings usually get through it faster; only children CAn take a lot longer, it all depends on how much social exposure he has. If a kid is like this they need a lot more than people around them can usually tolerate - you take a kid like this to play group, for example, and go home early because of their behaviour. This teaches them that acting up will lead to removal of the interlopers. Not good.</p><p></p><p>Janet had a great suggestion - provide an activity that is just Grandpa and him. When Grandpa arrives, he takes the boy to his workshop, or the garden, to do 'boy' things like using a hammer. They could make something for his mother, like a soap dish for washing hands in the garden (use old fence palings) or a bird feeder. All sorts of very simple exercises.</p><p>I used to 'help' my father in his workshop. There was one particular hammer only, that I was permitted to use and I always had to put it back. There was only one drawer of nails I was permitted to use and I had to tell dad if I had used a lot, so he could buy more. I could use the hand-cranked grinding wheel only. Often I would be pottering, making arrows by sharpening sticks on the grinding wheel and a bow from a green willow branch and some kitchen string.</p><p></p><p>Similarly, with the others - find something they can do together. difficult child could read him a book, for example. Keep easy child 3 away from him as much as possible, for now. She's definitely going to be seen as a rival. I do think that if you and Grandpa divide your energies so you have one of you with this boy always, in a one-to-one situation, you will begin to break this pattern. At first you need to give him the attention but knowing the others are around somewhere, just not in sight. He should get used to the idea that having others around needn't mean he is missing out on attention at all. In fact, it should eventually lead to MORE possibilities since there are more people to spoil him!</p><p></p><p>A game that worked for us when difficult child 3 was little - we would all sit on the floor (our kitchen is big enough) and roll a ball to each other. It teaches turn-taking and also teaches that the ball WILL come back to you, but if you want the ball rolled to you, you first have to roll it to someone else. It can also teach counting - if he is getting impatient because the ball doesn't come back to him immediately, point out how many people have to get it before him, and count with him.</p><p></p><p>If it's difficult getting him into this game, begin with him and you. Roll the ball back and forth. Then introduce ONE other person. Show the different ways the ball can be rolled (1 to 2, 2 to 3, 3 to 1 and all back again - 6 different ways). When he can handle this, introduce another person. But don't take it higher until he's handling it well at that level.</p><p></p><p>To begin with he sounds like he will be very labour-intensive. But it should pay off in the long run because underneath it all he sounds like a great kid. Just insecure, with all the changes in his life.</p><p></p><p>Also, these kids do get horrible and "cranky-tired" by mid to late afternoon, it's when they need you MORE, but you need to get on with chores and meals and so you tend to push them aside a bit.</p><p></p><p>Marg</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Marguerite, post: 39722, member: 1991"] It really does sound like he's used to one on one attention and acts up when he doesn't get it. He also sounds insecure, as if he's afraid that having to share is going to mean he misses out either on attention or other things. Kids go through this stage, always. Those with siblings usually get through it faster; only children CAn take a lot longer, it all depends on how much social exposure he has. If a kid is like this they need a lot more than people around them can usually tolerate - you take a kid like this to play group, for example, and go home early because of their behaviour. This teaches them that acting up will lead to removal of the interlopers. Not good. Janet had a great suggestion - provide an activity that is just Grandpa and him. When Grandpa arrives, he takes the boy to his workshop, or the garden, to do 'boy' things like using a hammer. They could make something for his mother, like a soap dish for washing hands in the garden (use old fence palings) or a bird feeder. All sorts of very simple exercises. I used to 'help' my father in his workshop. There was one particular hammer only, that I was permitted to use and I always had to put it back. There was only one drawer of nails I was permitted to use and I had to tell dad if I had used a lot, so he could buy more. I could use the hand-cranked grinding wheel only. Often I would be pottering, making arrows by sharpening sticks on the grinding wheel and a bow from a green willow branch and some kitchen string. Similarly, with the others - find something they can do together. difficult child could read him a book, for example. Keep easy child 3 away from him as much as possible, for now. She's definitely going to be seen as a rival. I do think that if you and Grandpa divide your energies so you have one of you with this boy always, in a one-to-one situation, you will begin to break this pattern. At first you need to give him the attention but knowing the others are around somewhere, just not in sight. He should get used to the idea that having others around needn't mean he is missing out on attention at all. In fact, it should eventually lead to MORE possibilities since there are more people to spoil him! A game that worked for us when difficult child 3 was little - we would all sit on the floor (our kitchen is big enough) and roll a ball to each other. It teaches turn-taking and also teaches that the ball WILL come back to you, but if you want the ball rolled to you, you first have to roll it to someone else. It can also teach counting - if he is getting impatient because the ball doesn't come back to him immediately, point out how many people have to get it before him, and count with him. If it's difficult getting him into this game, begin with him and you. Roll the ball back and forth. Then introduce ONE other person. Show the different ways the ball can be rolled (1 to 2, 2 to 3, 3 to 1 and all back again - 6 different ways). When he can handle this, introduce another person. But don't take it higher until he's handling it well at that level. To begin with he sounds like he will be very labour-intensive. But it should pay off in the long run because underneath it all he sounds like a great kid. Just insecure, with all the changes in his life. Also, these kids do get horrible and "cranky-tired" by mid to late afternoon, it's when they need you MORE, but you need to get on with chores and meals and so you tend to push them aside a bit. Marg [/QUOTE]
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