I agree with small, a multidisciplinary or neuropsyc evaluation is what you need to be looking into. Do you have a local teaching hospital/university where you live? Is there a local children's hospital? That's where you can start. Make the call today. But, it could take several weeks before you can get in for an appointment.
In the meantime, work on a parent's report (there is a link here to an example/proforma).
I think we can all understand the "walking on egg shells" behavior - I know that I can! difficult children can be really hard on relatioinships and jobs. Marriages end and employers fire. Many here have had that experience.
Know that you are not alone. Many, many parents are going through the same thing. Is your son aware of his "limitations"? If so, can you sit him down for a reality check - let him know how his behaviors are affecting you? Let him know that you are working to get him help - you don't want to see him sad, mad, and suffering.
In regards to the school, does your son have BIP (behavior intervention plan)? Sounds as though he does since he is supposed to leave the classroom if he is getting frustrated (same for my difficult child). Sometimes we have to step in to make sure it is being enforced. Is there someone at the school that has a comforting effect on difficult child? Is there some task that he particularly enjoys or is calming that they can assign him when he is getting frustrated?
In regards to sports, you may have to get tough and draw the line here. It is not worth the meltdowns, socially, at these sporting events. Other kids (and their parents) are going to judge your son on his behaviors - that's reality. You may need to tell your son that if he cannot handle the rules of good sportsmanship, he'll be benched at home until he can.
Hugs to you.
Sharon
