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<blockquote data-quote="Marguerite" data-source="post: 364145" data-attributes="member: 1991"><p>A childwith an IEP needs support and does NOT need a principal who says, "That's no excuse."</p><p></p><p>The attitude of "At this age she shouldn't need support," doesn't apply to a difficult child. Age is not the issue. Experience is not the issue. Some kids just take longer than others for their brains to mature, and you can't force this. It's like expecting a baby to be able to do complex algebra before they can even talk. If your child had cerebral palsy or spina bifida, would the school have the same expectations of your child being able to compete in the annual cross-country event? Would they punish the child for failing to cross the finish line in a reasonable time? Would they refuse to allow the child to use crutches or wheelchair? Because the attitude you describe, is the same. I would tell them this.</p><p></p><p>And now to bullying - the other kids will be learning, FAST, that the punishment is inequitable. They can hassle your child and they know she will get into more trouble than they will. We had tis problem with difficult child 3 - the kids picking on him were in a group all together and would give each other alibis. "He started it," was a common one. Or they would say, "It wasn't me, I was playing over in the far corner," and all their mates would nod vigorously. Part of difficult child 3's disability (and tis is something to watch for) is partial face blindness (aka prosopagnosia) and he was never confident he had identified the right kids. Again, the kids knew this and would play on it. So difficult child 3 would be in trouble for hitting a kid, when often it was self-defence or retaliation. One incident I regularly saw, was the "little darlngis" in difficult child 3's grade playing dominoes - they all had to line up before going into class, and the teacher was often late. So the kid on one end would shove the kid next to him, and the whole line would knock into one another like Newton's Cradle, and difficult child 3, who was usually on one end or the other, was the one to fall over hardest. He woldn't realise it was a domino effect but would think it was the kid next to him who had shoved him. Or sometimes he wasn't the last kid, but the second-last kid, and he would get into trouble for knocking over the last kid when it was because he himself had been shoved. It was all very unfair, and the other kids learned how to get away with it. Bullying went on for years and even when we were able to get witnesses to back up difficult child 3's side, the teacher undermined it and handled it so badly that the witness was intimidated and difficult child 3 was told, "You must have misunderstood. Because of your autism, what you sometimes tihnk you experienced isn't correct." So he came home even doubting the evidence of his own eyes!</p><p></p><p>Schools should protect our children but often they take the easy option and scapegoat the difficult ones. Your child needs you to stand up for her and not let this go on. You should be kept in the loop and you should be able to insist on your child being provided with work to do. And a lot more.</p><p></p><p>Go get 'em!</p><p></p><p>Marg</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Marguerite, post: 364145, member: 1991"] A childwith an IEP needs support and does NOT need a principal who says, "That's no excuse." The attitude of "At this age she shouldn't need support," doesn't apply to a difficult child. Age is not the issue. Experience is not the issue. Some kids just take longer than others for their brains to mature, and you can't force this. It's like expecting a baby to be able to do complex algebra before they can even talk. If your child had cerebral palsy or spina bifida, would the school have the same expectations of your child being able to compete in the annual cross-country event? Would they punish the child for failing to cross the finish line in a reasonable time? Would they refuse to allow the child to use crutches or wheelchair? Because the attitude you describe, is the same. I would tell them this. And now to bullying - the other kids will be learning, FAST, that the punishment is inequitable. They can hassle your child and they know she will get into more trouble than they will. We had tis problem with difficult child 3 - the kids picking on him were in a group all together and would give each other alibis. "He started it," was a common one. Or they would say, "It wasn't me, I was playing over in the far corner," and all their mates would nod vigorously. Part of difficult child 3's disability (and tis is something to watch for) is partial face blindness (aka prosopagnosia) and he was never confident he had identified the right kids. Again, the kids knew this and would play on it. So difficult child 3 would be in trouble for hitting a kid, when often it was self-defence or retaliation. One incident I regularly saw, was the "little darlngis" in difficult child 3's grade playing dominoes - they all had to line up before going into class, and the teacher was often late. So the kid on one end would shove the kid next to him, and the whole line would knock into one another like Newton's Cradle, and difficult child 3, who was usually on one end or the other, was the one to fall over hardest. He woldn't realise it was a domino effect but would think it was the kid next to him who had shoved him. Or sometimes he wasn't the last kid, but the second-last kid, and he would get into trouble for knocking over the last kid when it was because he himself had been shoved. It was all very unfair, and the other kids learned how to get away with it. Bullying went on for years and even when we were able to get witnesses to back up difficult child 3's side, the teacher undermined it and handled it so badly that the witness was intimidated and difficult child 3 was told, "You must have misunderstood. Because of your autism, what you sometimes tihnk you experienced isn't correct." So he came home even doubting the evidence of his own eyes! Schools should protect our children but often they take the easy option and scapegoat the difficult ones. Your child needs you to stand up for her and not let this go on. You should be kept in the loop and you should be able to insist on your child being provided with work to do. And a lot more. Go get 'em! Marg [/QUOTE]
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